The Other Hobbits
by T.C. the Savage
Summary: Two girls get sent into middle earth and become hobbits. They go on the fellowship, cause chaos. yeah i know it's overdone...please read anyways. Minor changes in chaps 1 and 7. NEW CHAPTER UP! FINALLY! Sorry about the delay.
1. Landing In Hobbiton

A/N: Um, it takes a while, like til the end of this (short) chapter to see where exactly LOTR comes in. Um please review! thanks TC

TC glared at her friend, MC, menacingly. She and her friend were both 14, and Freshmen in high school.  
"Don't look at me like that!" MC cried defensively.  
"Then take it back!" TC hissed.  
"Why? It's true!" Seeing the color of TC's eyes change from green to brown, MC changed her mind. "Fine, you aren't a hobbit"  
"And"  
"I'm not short!" MC looked proud, TC rolled her eyes. No one would ever think the two were friends. They fought all the time. Usually about whether MC was short or not, and whether TC was a hobbit or not.  
"You keep telling yourself that"  
"I will! And tomorrow I'm going to grow and be taller than you"  
"Sure ya will." TC said sarcastically. "According to your feet, you're done growing"  
"And according to your feet, you should be 6'6"  
TC looked down in shame. "They can't be that bad." Though, she knew they were. She was only 5'2", while she wore a size 11.  
"Yes they can!" MC was 5'.25", and wore size 6 1/2-7.  
"At least they aren't fuzzy"  
"Are you sure"  
"Quite"  
"I'm pretty sure they are"  
"Trust me, they are not fuzzy"  
"How would you know"  
TC leaned back in her chair and stared at MC in disbelief. "How do you think I know"  
MC started laughing. "I'm sorry, that's just usually my comeback"  
"I only stare at them every single day"  
"Okay, okay"  
"I don't shave, wax or use any other hair removing techniques on my feet! I don't have to brush my feet, or shampoo them!" TC stated proudly. "Because I don't need to"  
"Right, because you want your feet to be hairy"  
"Why would I want that"  
"Don't you think there's a reason you're attracted to Pippin"  
"Well you like Frodo"  
"NO, I like Elijah Wood! You actually like PIPPIN"  
Both girls were Lord Of The Rings obsessed. The often referred to each other as hobbits. TC actually did resemble a hobbit. Along with her large (but hairless) feet, she was short, and had brown wavy-ish hair. She also had tendancies to go barefoot. MC didn't resemble a hobbit, with blonde (oh, sorry, STRAWBERRY blonde) hair and feet that were actually too small for her height, she looked nothing like a hobbit.  
"You admitted that Elijah Wood is creepy"  
They sat in silence.  
"What now?" TC asked.  
"Dunno"  
"We could go around and frolick in the corn, see why it appealed to your brother so much"  
They were at MC's house, which had several corn fields around it. About a year ago TC, MC, her brother and some friends were hanging out there and their male friend went off into a corn field with MC's brother leaving them with the statement: "We're going off to frolick in the corn." The girls didn't intend on letting either of the guys forget it in the near future.  
"What exactly is frolicking in the corn"  
"A, um...a ritual between two people of the male gender"  
"You're sick"  
"Yeah, let's not frolick in the corn"  
"Good idea"  
"I have an idea"  
"Oh...joy." MC said dryly.  
"Let's go see the horses across the street"  
"How did I know"  
TC had a severe love of the equine species. "So can we"  
"Fine." Both girls got up and walked towards the front door. "Wait!" TC ran to MC's room and came back carrying some tubes of hairdye, she grinned as she shoved them into her pocket.  
"What do you need those for"  
"We can decorate the horses"  
"Whatever," MC mumbled."Hm...I never noticed my door was circular." She opened the door. Their jaws dropped.  
"Um...MC"  
"What"  
"You live in modern civilazation...right"  
"Well, I thought I did"  
"So why are we surrounded by hobbit-holes and hobbits?" 


	2. Joining the Others EXTENDED

A/N: Um, this is sorta gonna follow the book/movie...um, sorta not. :) So there are gonna be some little parts taken out of the movie/book, now, so um...yeah, ull know when that happens, so, uh, that's not my stuff.   
  
PS: This chapter has been extended. The extended part is in between the ~~~'s  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Um...TC?" MC said with hesitance.  
  
"Yeah?" TC replied with the same hesitancy.  
  
"Tell me this isn't real."  
  
"Um...looks pretty real to me."  
  
"Let's go back inside," MC and TC turned to go inside, but saw only a door belonging to a Hobbit-hole. When they opened it, MC's house was nowhere to be found, only a hobbit's living quarters.  
  
"Hm..." MC mumbled curiously as they turned around and looked out over (what they assumed was) Hobbiton. "This looks pretty human-sized to me."  
  
"You're right." TC agreed, looking over at MC. A look of panic took over her face. "Uh oh..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Um..."TC looked at her friend, now having brown curly hair, pointed ears, and large, fuzzy feet. "There could be a reason why this is our size."  
  
"What?" MC followed TC's gaze down to her feet. "Oh no."  
  
"We're hobbits."  
  
"Um...oh boy. Lets just uh, see if we can get out of here, eh?" The two began walking along the dirt road, not quite sure what exactly it was they were looking for. Suddenly, TC stopped and began staring at something, or someONE.  
  
"TC?"  
  
No response.  
  
"TC? MC repeated a little louder. Still, a blank expression remained on TC's face. "TC!" MC screamed, slapping TC over the head. There was still, no response. MC gave up and looked over to where TC was staring. "OH MY GOSH! TC! Why don't you just go up and talk to the guy?!" She was, of course, referring to Perigrin Took.  
  
"I can't." TC finally said.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"He doesn't know me."  
  
"That's generally why people INTRODUCE themselves!"  
  
"Come with!"  
  
"Why? I don't want to meet him!"  
  
"Well..talk to Merry, he's there too!"  
  
MC let out a long sigh. "Fine." They began walking over to Pippin and Merry, who seemed not to have noticed them, and were deep in conversation.  
  
"What should I say?" TC asked nervously.  
  
"HI! YOU SAY HI!"  
  
"Don't wanna!" TC stopped and turned around. MC caught her before she walked off.  
  
"We are going over to meet them!"  
  
"Thought you didn't wanna."  
  
"You aren't gonna stop obsessing over him until you do! Come ON!" TC gave in, and they turned around, but Merry and Pippin were gone.  
  
"Thanks!" MC said, and slapped TC over the head.  
  
  
  
~~~  
  
TC and MC were wandering around Hobbiton, and heard a bunch of noise.  
  
"Sounds like a party!" MC stated. "Let's go!"  
  
"We weren't invited." TC reminded her.  
  
"So? That's because no one knows us yet! This is the perfect chance for us to go meet some hobbits!"  
  
"Good point!" the two Hobbits ran over into the party.  
  
  
  
MC stared in disgust at the scene playing out before her. TC was definitely meeting hobbits. One particular hobbit, however, had caught her eye. MC wasn't too surprised, as her friend was always flirting. Unfortunately, TC was drunk. MC didn't know how it happened...but it did. And now, TC was (literally) falling all over the male.  
  
The scene ended soon. TC made one of her (many) perverted jokes, and the hobbit walked off. TC staggered over to MC and blinked a couple times, trying to focus.  
  
"Hello y'all." TC said. "There are a lot of hobbits that look like you, MC."  
  
"You fool." MC muttered.  
  
~~~  
  
"Trust a Brandybuck and a Took!" Sam said, getting up and brushing himself off."  
  
"Ay! That was just a shortcut!" Merry replied.  
  
"Yeah, a shortcut to what?"  
  
Pippin, at this moment, saw a small patch of mushrooms. He voiced this loudly to the others. The three hobbits raced over to the mushrooms and began dividing them up between themselves. Frodo was standing in the road, looking down it a ways. He heard faint hoofbeats, and a shrill, high-pitched screech.  
  
"I think we should get off the road." He suggested, only to be ignored. The screeches continued, and the hoofbeats grew closer. "GET OFF THE ROAD!" he screamed. The four hobbits ran off the road and hid under a small ledge at the base of the tree.  
  
A few seconds later, a horse galloped up, and slid to a halt. Someone hopped off and began screaming. Frodo looked up through the space between the tree root and the ground. He saw two large, fuzzy, feet.  
  
"You f#!@%$*% b*$&%!"  
  
"Chill out MC." There was a second person, atop the horse.  
  
"You b!@#$!"  
  
"We're both safe!"  
  
"You said it would be a nice quiet walk! Then you take off at a full gallop! You're a f%^#$*&%@ liar! You @#$^&*!!" There was a lot more swearing, then the other person jumped off the horse. Frodo saw another pair of hobbit feet on the ground.  
  
He got up and stared at the quarreling hobbits. The other three followed suit. The two girls didn't notice them.  
  
"Listen, MC, chill out!"  
  
"TC you #$%@^! I don't know how to ride!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"What if I fell off?"  
  
"Serves you right!"  
  
"You f@#$%^! b!+$%!"  
  
"Well it's your fault we're here!"  
  
"How is it my fault?"  
  
"We were at YOUR house!"  
  
"This probably woulda happened no matter WHO'S house we were at."  
  
TC rolled her eyes and noticed the four hobbits staring at them in amusement. "Um...hi....um...I'm TC. This is MC."  
  
"I'm Frodo."  
  
"Sam."  
  
"Pippin." (TC made a quiet squeal of delight here.)  
  
"Merry." Each hobbit waved as they introduced themself. An awkward silence followed.  
  
"So." MC said. "What ya up to?"  
  
"Nothing." Frodo and Sam said in unison.  
  
"Ever ridden a horse?" TC asked.  
  
"Don't trust her!" MC warned.  
  
"So we've heard." Merry said. TC and MC looked a little embarrassed. Then TC looked down sadly.  
  
"I guess I'll have to ride all alone then."  
  
"I'll ride!" Pippin volunteered. TC brightened considerably. She eagerly tried to mount the horse, but forgot the height change. Sheepishly, she asked for a leg up. MC helped her up.  
  
"Have you got your will written up?" MC asked Pippin.  
  
"No...why?"  
  
"You'll need it."  
  
"Um..."  
  
"Guys! We need to get going!" Frodo yelled. He turned to MC and TC. "Are you guys coming?"  
  
"Sure why not?" TC said, before MC could say no. After a great deal of struggle, Pippin was mounted on the horse behind TC, and the 6 hobbits began their, um, journey.  
  
As they were walking along, TC and MC entertained the others with their discussions, and for once, Merry and Pippin weren't really talking.  
  
"Your feet are definitely hairier!" MC said, walking beside TC and Pippin, ahead of the other three.  
  
"Uh huh, sure. Have you even glanced at the bushes you're walking on?"  
  
"Yes! And they're tamer than yours! I mean....you had a head start!"  
  
"Ay! What's that mean?"  
  
"You already had hairy feet! BEFORE all THIS happened!"  
  
"I thought we went over this already!"  
  
"What are you guys talking about?" Pippin inturrupted.  
  
"You don't want to know." MC answered. "Hey, who's feet are hairier, mine or TC's?"  
  
"Um...just out of fear, I'm gonna have to say yours...Um...TC would probably do something to the horse to make it throw me off if I said hers."  
  
"How right you are!" TC said, halting the horse and pivoting it to face the others. "You mind picking up the pace a bit?" She shouted.  
  
"How 'bout you slow down!" Merry retorted. TC snorted as her reply.  
  
"TC, I'm gonna walk with them." MC said.  
  
"Fine. I see how it is."  
  
"Well, I guess I could walk up here-"  
  
"No, it's too late for that!" TC said, as if offended. "Just gonna dump us for Frodo."  
  
"Yeah, pretty much." MC confirmed The other four caught up to them and TC signaled the horse to walk. They quickly got ahead of the group.  
  
"So Frodo..." MC said, walking next to the hobbit.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Sup?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You don't talk much do you?" MC did not recieve a reply. "Do you like fire? I think it's cool!"  
  
"Right..." Frodo, seeing the somewhat psychotic glint in her eyes, turned to Sam, "Don't let MC get a hold on the matches!"  
  
"Don't worry." Sam assurred, then yelled to TC and Pippin: "Can we rest for a moment?" The horse stopped and turned around, now facing them.  
  
"Why?" TC asked.  
  
"Well, YOU might not be tired, but we have to walk AND carry a bunch of stuff!"  
  
"Come on guys!" Pippin said. "The Buckleberry Ferry isn't far!" Just then, a high-pitched scream was heard in the distance.  
  
"What was that?" MC asked.  
  
"I don't know." Frodo replied. "It might just be a couple more hobbits on horseback."  
  
"Or something worse." Merry said. "We should get going." No one disagreed this time. TC waited for the others to catch up before telling the horse to walk. The hobbits did quicken their pace. A few minutes later they heard hoofbeats behind them, they turned around and saw a Black rider coming towards them. The Ferry was in sight.  
  
"Run guys! We'll stall him!" Pippin yelled. The others didn't hesitate to follow his command.  
  
"What?!" TC screeched a him, but it was too late. The rider was almost upon them. TC moved her horse directly in it's path. When it started to pass on one side she quickly moved her horse to block it. They did that little dance (resembling a cutting horse trying to keep a cow out of the herd) for what seemed like an eternity to TC and Pippin, when finally the others shouted the okay.  
  
Turning the horse, TC sent the horse into a full-on gallop, filled with excitement (partly for the speed, but she also noticed how tight Pippin was holding on) The ferry had departed a good ways from the dock, enough so that the horse galloped down the dock and soared off of it.  
  
"OH S#!%!" TC and Pippin screamed at the same time. The horse, unfortunately, was probably thinking the same thing, when it was unable to land the jump. As he went down, both TC and Pippin were sent flying through the air. Just short of the ferry. Luckily, Merry and MC were right there to pull them onto it.  
  
The black rider galloped down the dock, but sharply brought his horse to a halt, and turned and galloped back down the road, joined by several others.  
  
TC and Pippin watched as the horse got up, shook itself off and slowly ambled out of the water. TC began grinning. "That was fun!"  
  
Pippin looked over at her, disturbed. "We could have been killed!"  
  
"You know, this could make it on 'Ripley's Believe It Or Not,' except...they wouldn't believe me!" She began laughing hysterically.  
  
"What the he!! are you talking about?"  
  
"Oh...yeah...you don't have TV."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nevermind."  
  
"Um...MC?" Frodo asked nervously.  
  
"Yes?" MC replied.  
  
"Could you, um, look at something other than my face?"  
  
MC redirected her gaze to something lower.  
  
"NOT THAT!"  
  
Her gaze went back to his face.  
  
A while later it had started raining, and they came to the shore. The six hobbits got off the ferry and headed for the large gate at Bree. Frodo knocked on it, and a man looked out of a window thing.  
  
"Hobbits! Six hobbits! What brings you to Bree?" He opened the gate.  
  
"We wish to stay at the inn." Frodo replied. "Our business is our own."  
  
"Alright." The man let them in. After stumbling through crowds of people (full sized, like MC and TC wished they still were), they reached The Prancing Pony. 


	3. Weathertop EXTENDED

A/N: This is really actually following the movie more than the book...my friend just pointed out that the girls should know (being LOTR obsessed) that they don't (like how Frodo dissappears when he puts the ring on) and I just wanna explain about that. See, they (obviously) went back in time...and forgot what they knew about LOTR =). (and i don't know if "pessimized" is a word, i doubt it is, but im using it anyways)  
  
PS-this chapter has been extended. The extension is between the ~~~'s  
  
~*~*~  
  
After discovering that Gandalf wasn't at the inn, four of the hobbits sat down for a beer. TC and MC declined. MC managed to get the chair next to Frodo before Sam did, and actually got him engaged in conversation.  
  
Pippin was sitting next to TC, and Merry would soon be on the other side of Pippin. Both TC and MC were absolutely elated, and (for once) weren't fighting. Actually, they weren't even acknowledging the existence of each other. Merry returned, with a large mug.  
  
"What's that?" Pippin asked with large eyes.  
  
"This, my friend, is a pint."  
  
"It comes in pints?!"  
  
"Mmhmm."  
  
"I'm getting one!" Pippin got up and headed for the bar.  
  
"You've a whole half already!" Sam yelled, only to be ignored.  
  
"I'm going too!" TC followed Pippin.  
  
"You don't need ANYTHING of that sort!" MC too, was ignored. TC ran up to the bar and climbed onto the stool next to Pippin.  
  
"Ya got any mountain dew?" TC asked the bartender-he only gave her a confused look. "Um...soda? Pop? Cola? A soft drink?" More blank stares. "Coke?" No one appeared to have the slightest clue what she was talking about.  
  
  
  
~~~  
  
"Hey MC, Pippin left his drink, and doubt he'll be coming back for it. Want it?" Merry asked.  
  
MC looked thoughtfully at Pippin's abandoned beer. "Why not?" she shrugged, and took a swig.  
  
"You sure you don't want any--" Pippin was cut off by (very) loud singing.  
  
The source of the noise was MC, standing on top of a table. "FEELING LIKE I'M CHASING LIKE I'M FACING MYSELF ALONE! I GOT SOMEBODY ELSE'S THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD--"  
  
"MC!" Frodo got up and tried to stop MC from making more of a fool of herself, but tripped on Sam's foot...  
  
~~~  
  
The ring flew up in the air and Frodo reached up to catch it and it slipped onto his finger. He dissappeared. Everyone gasped.  
  
"HE'S GONE! NOOO!" MC screamed.  
  
"How does he do that?!" TC asked. Pippin turned with a disturbed look.  
  
"Oh my God!" He whispered.  
  
"Dude! I wanna do that!" TC declared. Pippin just stared at her in confusion.  
  
"Hey!" MC yelled. "That man has Frodo!" MC pointed to a hooded man taking Frodo. She started charging after him, the other four followed.  
  
  
  
They reached the room, TC and MC charged the door and knocked it open (with their heads, leaving them a bit dazed. They later found out the door was unlocked.). In the room with Frodo was a tall, long-haired man.  
  
"Let him go! Or I'll have you Longshanks!" Sam yelled, holding a chair threateningly. The man ignored Sam and the others, he turned to Frodo and said:  
  
"You cannot wait for the wizard any longer."  
  
The six hobbits and (as he introduced himself) Strider watched out the window as several of the Black riders mauled blankets and pillows across the street.  
  
"They think thats us, don't they?" Pippin asked. Strider nodded.  
  
"Jeez, talk about holding a grudge." MC commented. Strider began to explain about the Ringwraiths.  
  
The seven got an early start the next morning (much to the dismay of most of them). Strider was the only one who knew where they were going, and the hobbits just followed him. They'd bought a pony, who Sam named Bill (and wouldn't let TC get near. She began ignoring him [not that he really tried to make contact with her anyways], save the menacing glares she sent his way every so often).  
  
TC, MC and Strider kept walking, not noticing the other four hobbits had stopped. Then they heard the clanking of the pans, and turned around.  
  
"Gentlemen, we do not stop til nightfall." Strider said.  
  
"What about breakfast?" Pippin asked.  
  
"You've already had it."  
  
"We've had one, yes, what about second breakfast?" Pippin said with a look of satisfaction. Strider just rolled his eyes and kept walking.  
  
"Don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip." Merry told him. Pippin got a look of panic on his face. The girls watched in interest.  
  
"What about elevensies? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn't he?"  
  
"I wouldn't count on it."  
  
MC and TC were just staring in astonishment. Finally TC spoke. "I wanna live with you guys!" Just then, an apple flew over from the other side of the trees. Merry caught it and handed it to Pippin. Another one flew over, hitting Pippin in the head. Merry yelled at him.  
  
"My feet hurt." TC complained, eyeing Bill.  
  
"We don't care!" Sam stated bluntly. TC sent a quick glare his way then jogged to catch up with MC.  
  
"Why isn't anyone talking?" She asked. "It's driving me nuts! Can we talk?"  
  
"Sure...I guess." MC replied. "I don't see why not."  
  
"I wanna go on the internet."   
  
"Well that's just too bad for you, isn't it? The internet hasn't been invented!"  
  
"Yes it has--oh." TC looked downcast. "I still wanna go on."  
  
Merry, who was nearby, listened in on their conversation. "What's the 'internet'?" he asked.  
  
"You know, when you go onto the computer and log on--oh wait, nevermind." said MC.  
  
"You guys are weird."  
  
MC turned back to TC. "What will we say to people back home when we get back?"  
  
"IF we get back." TC pessimized.  
  
"Yeah...IF. But if we do, people won't believe us. I mean, if we tell them that we were Hobbits of the Shire, travelling with four other Hobbits and a ranger, being followed by Ringwraiths...um...they'll lock us up!"  
  
"Yeah...I could see how this might not be very believable." At this point, they reached a stone structure, which Strider said was the Watchtower of Amon Sul, and they'd rest their that night.  
  
Once they'd climbed the tower, to where they'd be sleeping, Strider set out six swords for them. TC and MC quickly grabbed the largest and sharpest of the swords, with an oddly happy glint in their eyes. This caused reason for worry. Then they began fondling their swords, earning disturbed looks from the others.  
  
"I'm gonna go have a look around." Strider quickly departed.  
  
"Great!" Sam said. "You've scared off Strider!"  
  
"No way!" MC said, staring at her sword. "He wouldn't be afraid of two hobbits with swords."  
  
"Well, when YOU two are the hobbits, I think ANYONE would be scared!" Frodo said.  
  
Merry looked at them worriedly. "Have you ever, um, used a sword?"  
  
"I had a fencing sword once!" TC told him. "But it was dull, so no matter how hard I tried, it wouldn't do any damage.  
  
"And I had a plastic sword!" MC put in. "But I tried to decapitate my brother and it, um...broke." She looked very dissappointed.  
  
"Oh Lord help us!" Frodo pleaded, looking up at the sky.  
  
Later than night, when TC, MC and Frodo were asleep, the other three hobbits were cooking. Suddenly, TC got up and began walking towards them. They thought they'd woken her up, she looked awake. Then she walked right into the fire. At that moment, her eyes widened as she became aware of her situation. She just stood there, surprised, for a few moments, then quickly jumped out of the fire, screaming. Frodo and MC woke up, somewhat panicked for the noise.   
  
"Oh my God!" TC repeated, several times over. "MY FEET!"  
  
"TC! What did you do?" MC demanded.  
  
"I don't know. I didn't do anything." TC replied pathetically.  
  
"Trust me, you did!" Merry informed her.  
  
"Then why did I wake up in the fire?" TC asked him.  
  
"OH MY GOSH! TC! You've been sleepwalking again! And right into a fire! You idiot!"  
  
TC looked at MC pitifully, then whimpered. Then she turned to Merry, Sam and Pippin. "You!" She said menacingly. "You could have woken me up!"  
  
"We thought you were awake." Sam told her.  
  
"If I was awake, why would I walk right into a fire-barefoot?!" TC screamed.  
  
"Cold feet?"  
  
TC just glared at them. A shriek from a Ringwraith was heard. They all looked over the edge and saw five of the wraiths at the bottom of the watchtower.   
  
"Great! Now the wraiths know we're here!" Frodo made a point of looking at TC as he said this. "GO!" He yelled, pointing at some stairs. The hobbits all followed instructions, grabbing their swords and running up the stairs (TC stepping a little higher than the rest.) When they reached the top they stood in a circle, facing outward, swords drawn.  
  
A wraith came up, where Frodo was facing. The other hobbits turned and faced it as the other four wraiths joined it.  
  
"BACK YOU DEVILS!" Sam screamed as they advanced upon the hobbits. The wraith in front threw him aside. Merry and Pippin moved in to fill the gap in front of the other three hobbits, but the wraiths quickly pushed them aside as well. Now it was only TC and MC in front of Frodo. TC quickly slashed at the thing with her sword. It screamed and threw her aside, headfirst into a wall, knocking her a bit senseless.   
  
TC watched as MC had (what she assumed was) a staredown with the wraith. Unfortunately, MC seemed to be losing. After a couple more seconds, MC gave up and (hopelessly) slashed at the wraith with her sword, only to be thrown next to TC.  
  
"Hey, TC, I realized why you're such an idiot most of the time."   
  
"Right now is really not a good time for this." TC said, watching the Ringwraiths advance upon Frodo, who was now on the ground.  
  
"No, I'll forget if I don't tell you." MC continued to explain, but TC ignored what she said (which was that TC was always getting her head slammed into rather hard objects). They watched Frodo disappear.  
  
"I HAVE to know how he does that!" TC declared in amazement. Strider appeared at that moment (and we all know what happens next, so I shall save both space and time by not typing it).  
  
"He needs Elvish medicine." Strider said as he picked Frodo up. "We must get him to Rivendell!"  
  
"Um, exactly, uh, how far is that?" TC asked.  
  
"6 days from here."  
  
"Oh f#$%!" TC's face paled. MC began laughing (very loudly) at her. Strider noticed TC swaying from side to side (frequently switching the weight from one foot to the other), then saw her feet.  
  
"What did you do?" He demanded in annoyance.  
  
"She decided that the fire would be a nice place to stand in!" Pippin volunteered. TC looked down in shame.  
  
"Do I even want to know why?"  
  
"I was sleepwalking!"  
  
"Right." Strider left without another word. The rest of the group followed him  
  
"Hey MC!" TC called, "Your feet are hairier now!" 


	4. To Rivendell

A/N: I know this plot is a bit overdone, but im having fun writing this, and i hope you're having fun reading this! From the reviews it sounds like ya are! : ) I personally think this is my best story yet! it's fun. lol  
~TC  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Hello MC." Merry said loudly, startling MC and causing her to jump several inches off the ground. Merry decided this was quite funny.  
"Hi." MC greeted once she'd regained her senses. "What's up?"  
"Oh, not much, um...." Merry suddenly got very shy. There was an awkward silence. This was soon broken by another outburst from TC.  
"OH MY GOD!" She stopped dead in her tracks.  
"TC, forget it! You are NOT riding Bill!" Sam yelled to her.  
"But I don't wanna walk!" TC whined.  
"Well, you're going to have to!" Strider yelled from ahead.  
TC's face suddenly brightened, as if she'd just gotten a genious idea. "I could ROLL!"  
Strider stopped and turned around. He looked rather annoyed (and somehow TC felt as though it was directed at her). "You are not ROLLING to Rivendell!"  
"I'd rather do that than walk!"  
"Fine! Roll!" Strider turned and continued walking at a fast pace. TC just stood for a second, then jogged to catch up with the group. She quickly fell behind again. Pippin dropped back to talk to her.  
"Thought you were gonna roll?" He laughed. TC didn't say anything.  
  
Up in the group, Merry was talking rather fast, and MC had trouble absorbing everything he said. He was also asking a lot of questions. Stuff like, where she lived, what her full name was, was she a light or deep sleeper. Stuff like that, it worried MC.  
  
They reached a small clearing in the woods and Strider said they'd stay there that night. He put Frodo down by one of the large stone trolls that was there. Immediately the other hobbits crowded around him (except Sam, who was tying Bill next to a large rock, then removed all the luggage. Then Strider called him over).  
"Sam, do you know the Athelas plant?" Strider asked, but the only response was a blank look. "Kingsfoil?"  
"Kingsfoil?" Sam repeated, "Aye! That's a weed!"  
"It may help to slow the poisoning."  
Sam nodded and ran into the woods with his torch.  
"TC!" Strider called, and signaled for her to come over. She slowly walked over to him. "Let me see your feet." he said, and squatted down to look at her feet.  
"Hey! Don't touch!" TC screamed and accidentally kneed him in the face. He stood up and gave her a glare that sent chills down her spine. The glare worsened when he realized there was blood.   
"Oh S#%@!" TC screamed and began running, Strider chasing her. She quickly ran over to Bill, untied his lead, and used the rock to mount him. Strider just missed her when she turned Bill and galloped off.  
"I hope Sam gets back before she does." That was all he said. A few minutes later, his wish came true. Sam came running into the clearing, waving the Kingsfoil. He gave it to Strider, who did his thing with it. Then Sam noticed Bill was missing.  
"Where's Bill?"  
No one answered. Then Sam noticed TC was missing as well. Then he put it together. "That b!%#$!"   
A few minutes later, two horses (with riders) came out of the woods.  
"BILL!" Sam yelled, excitedly, then his eyes narrawed as he saw TC. The other rider was on a white horse, she had Bill's lead. The two riders dismounted (TC ended up hiding behind Merry, Pippin and MC so Sam wouldn't attack her).  
The other rider was a female elf with long dark brown hair. She strode over to Frodo. "We must get him to my father!" She picked the hobbit up and carried him over to her horse. Strider was going with her. They began speaking in Elvish.  
"What are they doing?" MC asked, somewhat frantically.  
"They're taking him away." Merry said (hopefully, more than knowledgably, as this would give him a clearer chance for MC).  
"WHERE?!" MC screamed, running up to Strider and the Elf. "Where are you taking him?"  
Strider and the Elf looked at her in annoyance. "Arwen is taking him to Rivendell."  
"No!" MC yelled in despair. Arwen quickly mounted the horse behind Frodo and took off at a gallop.  
"Ride hard! Don't look back!" Strider called after her.   
"No!" MC fell to her knees.  
  
That night, when (almost) everyone was asleep, they were woken up by someone screaming . Everyone looked over to the source. Sam was on top of TC (who was trying to beat on him), strangling her...or, trying to anyways.  
Pippin and MC ran over. Pippin dragged Sam off TC. Then MC jumped on Sam began pounding on him. Merry had to drag her off.  
"What's going on?" Strider asked.  
"She stole Bill!" Sam whimpered.  
"For cripes' sake! He's right over there!" TC yelled, pointing at the pony, who was asleep.  
"What if he's having nightmares? It'd be all your fault! You'd feel bad then, wouldn't you?"  
"You have ISSUES!" Merry put an emphasis on "issues.''  
Strider sighed. "This will be...interesting." he muttered. "Okay guys, can we get through the night without killing anyone, or making an attempt on anyone's life?" The hobbits didn't nod, or say yes. They just kind of, looked around. "Okay, how about we try that?" Strider's tone of voice was that of someone speaking to small children. He spoke slowly, as well, afraid they wouldn't understand otherwise).  
They all went back to bed. Except TC and MC slept by Merry and Pippin. Sam by Bill. As they were walking to their new spots, they heard a loud thump of some sort, then TC yelled somewhere from the dark:  
"Crap! I didn't know there was a tree there!"  
Eventually she made it back to her sleeping bag.  
  
The next morning, Strider wanted to get an early start, but MC wouldn't get up. Consequently, neither would Merry. As Sam was trying to get MC up, TC started inching towards Bill. She began stroking him and talking to him. Strider looked over at her, disturbed. Finally, Sam gave up and turned around, to find what TC was doing.   
"AHHH!" He screamed and ran over to TC and Bill. Strider laughed. TC turned and saw Sam coming at her, but felt unthreatened. He began beating her away from Bill.  
"Hey man! Chill out!" TC yelled and walked away. MC looked over, and found Merry staring constantly at her. She quickly got up. So did Merry.  
"Are we ready to go NOW?" Strider demanded.  
"Yes!" MC yelled and took off running.  
"Wrong way!" Strider called after her. She stopped, turned, and rejoined the group. She stayed away from Merry. They began their journey to Rivendell.  
  
As they were walking, TC and MC were walking with Merry and Pippin (MC wasn't thrilled, but the other three were). MC was just moping around, when Merry asked what was wrong, she mumbled something inaudible, except for "Frodo". Pippin and TC were talking, of course. And Merry was walking dangerously close to MC. Sam attempted to hit TC and MC with rocks, but had a bad arm, and hit Merry and Pippin usually. Once he accidentally hit Strider (ONCE being the keyword there. His rock throwing stopped after that. His goal, however, was unreached. TC and MC remained unmarked).  
About half an hour in, TC's usual complaining started.  
"How much further?" She whined.  
"5 days."  
"How much further? Like...distance?"  
"I dont know. Shut up."  
"My feet hurt!"  
"I don't care."  
"They do!"  
"You can ride Bill!" Sam offered. The group stopped and stared.  
"What?" They all asked at the same time.  
"You can ride Bill!"  
"Why?" TC asked suspiciously. "What are you plotting?"  
"Nothing! You're just complaining so much..."  
"Um..." TC hesitated. "Okay..." TC walked over and Sam helped her on. Something was up.  
Pippin walked over to Sam. "If you do ANYTHING to her, your head will be on a stake like a shishkabob!" Sam only mumbled in reply, not making eye contact with Pippin. Sure enough, Sam was plotting some sort of revenge on horsback. As TC appeared to be dozing (after numerous complaints of being bored. Sam wouldn't stop Bill, so she couldn't get off), Sam quickly started running, which caused Bill to have to trot. In consequence, TC bounced right off.  
"SAM YOU JERK!" TC began chasing him. So did Pippin. TC quickly grabbed a stick and continued chasing Sam. Strider caught her and Pippin. "Hey! You don't stop him when he does stuff to me!"  
"Well YOU deserve it!" Strider said. TC raised her stick to smack him (which only would have reached his shoulder at most, so he wasn't worried) but realized what a serious mistake what would be, before she carried through. Sam drifted to the back of the group again, receiving glares from Pippin and TC. Strider told him "good job" as he walked by.  
  
"Hey MC, did you lose this?" Merry held up a gold necklace.  
"How'd you get that?" MC asked suspiciously, quickly grabbing the necklace. Merry looked down, blushing.  
"Um...when you were asleep..."  
"OH MY GOSH!" MC ran up to TC and Pippin. Not that that alone could stop Merry from following her.   
"Having fun?" TC asked sarcastically.  
"NO!" MC looked at Pippin, "YOUR friend is a FREAK!"  
"Hey! That's not true!" Pippin defended Merry (who was walking right next to MC, unsurprisingly).  
"I swear he's stalking me!"  
"I am not!" Merry lied.  
Strider, up in front, groaned in horror. "Five more days..." he though. And he, for some reason, didn't think that things would be getting any better as time wore on.  
  
And they didn't. Over the next five days, the rivalry between Sam and TC grew, and spread to MC as well. Merry's stalking of MC grew to the point where the poor hobbit (MC, not Merry) could hardly sleep due to nervousness. Strider had to go off into the woods for a day, by himself, to keep from having a nervous breakdown. This extended their trip by another day. A long day. TC's complaining got more annoying and childish. At one point, Strider had to break up a fight between MC, TC, and Sam (the two girls took sticks to him. Of course, he'd poured hot water on TC's feet, and stolen both the girls' swords and attempted to keep them for his own [but they stole them back during the night], and attempted to cut off MC's hair...among numerous other things).  
Finally, after what seemed like forever, they reached Rivendell. 


	5. The Fellowship Sets Off

A/N: Hm...i was going to something...but I can't remember...um, hope you're liking the story! sorry it took a couple days to get this chapter up and written. I havent exactly been feeling humorous (LONG story lol) but I wrote this at 11:30 p.m...then I forgot some stuff so I had to lengthen it, and i ended up lengthening it by two pages, this happened at midnight...so if it's kinda weird...that's why! lol Um, please review...and please be nice :)  
thanks  
~TC  
PS-I just remembered! Okay, the only way you will understand my story, completely, is if you've either read the books or seen the movies, becuz there is stuff that i wouldn't change, so i leave it out, and things actually happen there, so you might wanna know how it goes before reading this. Yeah, i know, a little late in the story to be saying this, but oh well.   
  
~*~*~  
  
Gandalf was there to greet them immediately. Merry, Sam and Pippin were very happy to see him.  
"I see you and Frodo picked up some extra hobbits." He said to Sam. "I expected Meriadoc and Perigrin...but who are the other two?"  
"They're two very annoying hobbits!" Sam whimpered. "They were mean!" TC buried her head in her hands and shook her head.  
"Then why'd they come with you?"  
"Yeah, I'd kinda like to know that too." Strider put in.  
"Because Merry can't keep IT in control!" Sam screamed.  
Merry looked horrified. "What?!"  
"Oh come on! We all know your feelings for MC!"  
"It's not like that!" Merry cried, looking severely embarrassed. TC, MC, and Pippin just watched.  
"This is...um...disturbing." MC whispered. TC and Pippin nodded in agreement. Suddenly, Merry got mad and punched Sam. Sam began chasing Merry all over Rivendell.  
"Hi!" MC said to Gandalf.  
"Hello." Gandalf replied and walked off with Strider.  
"What now?" MC asked. She and TC looked at Pippin expectantly.  
"We could wander..." he suggested. The girls thought that'd be okay, so that's what they did.  
They talked as they wandered, of course. Unfortunately, TC could hardly concentrated on one thing at a time...and sometimes had trouble concentrating on two things. So of course, something bad was bound to happen. She was, of course, staring at Pippin, therefor, not looking where she was going. She walked right into a statue, knocking it down, causing it to shatter.  
"Well...that might be bad." She commented, and took off. Pippin and MC followed.  
  
Later that day, the hobbits were sitting, talking with each other (Sam and Merry made up). Then Frodo walked out.  
"Mr. Frodo!" Sam yelled, excitedly, then ran up and hugged the other hobbit.  
"Oh my gosh!" MC screamed, jumping up and down. "He's alive! He's alive!" Pippin and Merry ran over and hugged Frodo as well. Then MC ran up and did the same. Hesitantly, he hugged back. MC walked back to TC, in an oddly happy daze.  
  
A secret meeting was held the next day. (We ALL know how that goes...)  
Elrond looked at the seven standing in front of him. "Seven companions..."  
"Aye! We're coming too!" Merry shouted as he, Pippin, MC and TC ran out from the pillars they were hiding behind. "You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us!"  
"Besides," Pippin said, when they'd reached the others, "you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission. Quest. Thing!"  
"Okay...eleven compan--where'd Aragorn go?" Elrond asked, confused, "He was here just a second ago..."  
"You scared him off AGAIN!" Sam yelled at TC and MC.  
"I'm sure he'll be back..." Elrond said.  
"Not likely." Sam pessimized.  
"Anyways...back to business. You shall be known as the Fellowship Of the Ring."  
"Great!" Pippin smiled. "So, where're we going?"  
  
A couple days later, the Fellowship set off. Sam still had Bill, and he still wouldn't let TC near the pony (TC still had sore feet, as well). The others with them were the other three hobbits (of course), Aragorn, Gandalf, another man, Bormir, an elf, Legolas (who TC fancied), and a dwarf, Gimli. The latter three didn't seem to mind TC or MC too much. (This could have two causes. A-They didn't know them too well, or B-they had high tolerances. Or both).  
  
There was, surprisingly, peace within the Fellowship. For about the first day. Then things went back to the way they were before the hobbits and Aragorn reached Rivendell.  
Merry insisted on being near MC at all times, constantly questioning her. MC tried to get away from her self-appointed bodyguard, but he seemed to anticipate her every move. This was quite frightening in MC's opinion. Rather humorous to everyone else.  
Sam continued wreaking revenge on TC and MC (though none of them really knew why anymore). Well, he tried to, anyways. He'd asked Frodo to lead Bill for a while, and grabbed a large stick. He intended to sneak up on MC with it, but Merry sensed it and grabbed the stick. He forced it aside, which resulted in knocking TC in the face.  
"Hey!" She yelled, somewhat disgruntled. Pippin quickly turned around (and the rest of the Fellowship decided to watch) and let out some sort of war whoop, and pushed Sam backwards. This caused Sam to crash into Aragorn, and the stick flew up and hit his face.  
"Poor Sam," Frodo thought, "He's got Aragorn AND Pippin after him!"  
Everyone watched as Sam ran from Aragorn and Pippin (who was actually quite scary when he was mad), and, surprisingly, outran them. He ended up hiding behind Gandalf, who kindly stepped out of the way when Aragorn and Pippin reached him.   
Aragorn drew his sword and swung it at Sam, stopping before he broke skin. "Don't EVER do that again!" he muttered menacingly to the trembling hobbit, then walked off.  
Pippin narrowed his eyes at Sam. "I'm not through with you yet!" He said and walked back over to TC. The group continued on. Occassionally Pippin would sneak up on Sam, grabbing him by the shoulders. Sam usually jumped pretty high (for a hobbit), giving everyone a good laugh.  
TC's complaints started again. "My face hurts!" She whined.  
"Just ignore her!" Aragorn commanded the others.  
"It really does!" TC was a bit more insistent this time. "My feet do too!"  
Legolas turned to reply, but Aragorn stopped him. "Don't bother," he said "the trip to Rivendell was one big complaint from her. No matter what, she's gonna complain, so just ignore her and she might get bored of it." Aragorn hoped this last part, anyways.  
"I was actually going to tell her to can it."  
"Oh, okay then, carry on. It probably won't do any good."  
Legolas tried anyways, but Aragorn was right...TC didn't listen.  
  
As they were resting at a spot, Boromir was helping the hobbits with their sword skills. Aragorn watched and smoked. TC was first.  
"Okay, what do I do?" TC asked.  
Boromir looked at her to see if she was kidding, but she wasn't. "You take your sword out of it's sheath!"  
"Okay." TC gripped her sword handle and pulled. Nothing. She pulled harder. Still nothing. She began yanking frantically at her sword but it simply would not come out of the sheath. "A little help would be nice right about now!" Pippin quickly rushed over, but he, too, was unable to unsheath the sword.  
"Oh dear Lord." Boromir shook his head. "While they're doing that...can either of you get your swords out?" he asked Merry and MC. MC quickly volunteered and yanked her sword out (and due to the force it came dangerously to Merry's head. She didn't apologise, he took it as an accident, MC didn't).  
MC was actually doing pretty good...until Boromir accidentally flung her sword out of her hand. The flying sword came dangerously close to Pippin and TC's faces. They looked at her like deer in headlights.   
"Sorry!"  
They went back to what they were doing (it actually looked quite wrong...with Pippin yanking on TC's sword that, from the side, had just the right placement...).  
"Aragorn, could you help them?" Boromir asked (though it was more like a demand). Aragorn reluctantly put his pipe down and went to help the two struggling hobbits. It quickly turned into a three-person/hobbit pile up. And the sword remained stuck.  
"Crebain from Dunland!" Legolas yelled. "Hide!" Everyone quickly found a place to hide. Surprisingly (or not) Merry found the same hiding place as MC.  
  
A couple days later, the Fellowship came to a mountain (because of the Crebain, they'd had to change course) that was blizzarding. As they were climbing, Aragorn noticed there was no fighting...or complaining...in fact, the hobbits weren't saying anything at all!  
"Amazing!" he thought, then looked around and discovered why the hobbits weren't annoying them. "THE HOBBITS ARE GONE!" he screamed.  
"I thought it was a bit too sane..." Gandalf said.  
Legolas turned and ran down a couple feet (being that he was walking ON the snow instead of through it, he was the most mobile), and looked down the mountain. Quite a way down, he saw six small objects moving extremely slowly.  
"They're down the mountain!" Legolas called, and the group started moving back down. When they reached the hobbits, they saw the snow was up to their chins. Boromir, Legolas and Aragorn each grabbed two hobbits (thought it took a while to dig them out of the snow), then began back up the mountain.  
TC was quite happy. Legolas was carrying her and Pippin. This didn't stop her complaining, though. "I can't believe you guys just left us down there to FREEZE!"  
"TC, shut up!" Legolas said, not quite happy with the hobbits he'd gotten.  
"Don't tell her to shut up!" Pippin yelled.  
"Great," muttered Legolas, "I got the whiner, and the one who backs up everything the whiner says!"  
"Well at least you didn't get the stalker!" Aragorn yelled. "AND the stalkee!"  
MC had been yelling at Aragorn the whole time. "I can't believe you grabbed MERRY! You wanted to I bet! You wanted me to be miserable! Even SAM would have been a better choice at this point!"  
"What do you mean?" Merry asked, his eyes widening.  
"I mean, you SCARE me!"  
"You can't possibly mean that!" Merry's lower lip started to tremble.  
"Oh yes I can!"  
"No!" Merry began crying. Strider groaned, knowing things could only go downhill from there.  
"Haha!" Boromir laughed, "I got the cool ones!" He got hit by a snowball--thrown by TC.  
"Hey! It has a use after all!" Legolas yelled, jokingly. Well, HALF jokingly. He was the next one hit by a snowball.  
TC felt something cold hit the back of her head. She turned around to see MC desperately trying to keep a straight face. "Oh, you're on man!" TC screamed and grabbed some snow that soon became a snowball.  
"I'm not a man!" MC yelled right before the snowball hit her face. Pippin and Merry joined in. For a few minutes, snowballs (and the occassional iceball) flew back and forth (Legolas almost lost his grip on TC and Pippin several times due to them twisting around so much to get a good shot).  
Then the fateful snowball (that ended this particular fight) was thrown. Just as TC was throwing a snowball, she slipped a bit. This caused a misfire...right into Aragorn's face.  
"Oh boy." TC turned back around to avoid Aragorn's glare (one that she'd become too accustomed to). He quickly shook his face off and began moving with great speed, especcially since he was moving through waist-high snow carrying two hobbits.  
"S#*% TC!" Legolas yelled, and with that, to save the hobbit, he began running (he really wouldn't have minded if something happened to TC, but MC and Pippin would, and as a result, so would Merry. And if the three of them were pissed, Legolas didn't think that the rest of the Fellowship would be anything other than miserable).  
"Run! Run!" TC screamed. "He's gaining on us!"  
"This isn't the first mishap you've had with him, is it?"  
"Um...no."  
"What else have you done?"  
"Can it wait til we don't have a pissed off ranger after us?" Legolas stopped. "What are you doing?" She looked behind her, but Aragorn, and everyone else, had stopped. They were all looking in one direction.  
"There is a fell voice on the air." Legolas informed them.  
"It's Saruman!" said Gandalf. "He's trying to bring down the mountain!"  
"We must turn back!" Aragorn shouted. Just then, lightning struck the top of the mountain, causing a huge drift of snow to fall. The Fellowship was completely buried.  
Legolas was the first to emerge. He brought Pippin and TC with him. Then Gimli and Gandalf surfaced, then Aragorn, with MC and Merry (Merry clung to MC as soon as was physically possible, claiming that she must be freezing, and they could create body warmth). Finally, Boromir, Sam and Frodo came up.  
"BILL!" Sam screamed immediately, looking around. He saw the pony standing placidly right outside of the pile of fallen snow. "Oh thank God!"  
We're going to FREEZE and DIE on this mountain!" TC pessimized as she saw everyone coated in white.   
"Gandalf," Gimli shouted, "if we can't go over the mountain, we can go UNDER it..."  
"Through the Mines of Moria." Gandalf finished. "Let the Ringbearer decide."  
"We shall go through the mines of Moria."  
pessimized: VERB- To speak or think negatively; pessimistically. Since it's not a REAL word, and i seem to use it a lot there's the little definition that I came up with for it! 


	6. Moria EXTENDED

A/N: Hey I wanted to let y'all know that I'm technically not the only one writing this story, my friends help me out with it! And once again, this was written mostly at 11:30 p.m...as are all the other chapters lol. Ya...ain't insomnia grand? Sorry if this chapter is dull and boring, I was having issues writing it for some reason. So happy it's done. Its my longest chapter so far.  
  
PS-This chapter has been extended, the extension is between the ~~~'s.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"The walls of Moria." Gimli said in awe as they reached the base of the mountian.  
  
"It's a big pile of rock!" MC stated bluntly. Gimli grunted as they neared the walls. Everyone sat down except for Gandalf, who was muttering something while feeling the walls (TC made a few comments on that).  
  
The moon came out from behind the clouds and shone on the walls, revealing a door. There were Elven words on it. Gandalf read them aloud (in English, obviously).  
  
"The doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter."  
  
"What's that mean?" Merry asked.  
  
"Well, it's obvious. If you're a friend, you speak the password and the doors will open." Gandalf then spoke some Elvish, but the doors did nothing. He began trying different variations of what he'd said.  
  
Aragorn walked over to Sam and Bill. "The mines are no place for a pony," he said, taking the luggage off Bill. "even one so brave as Bill."  
  
TC overheard this, and ran over. "Bill's not coming?!"  
  
"No, he isn't." Sam replied, then glanced at TC, "lucky pony." Sam removed Bill's bridle and they sent him off.  
  
"Don't worry MC." Merry said, leaning close to MC (who scooted away from Merry). "Gandalf will get us in."  
  
"I wasn't worried." MC slid further down on the log from Merry, who slid even closer to her. "Well, it wasn't getting in that worried me, anyways." MC eyed Merry suspiciously. Gandalf sat next to Frodo and gave up.  
  
"Do not disturb the waters!" Aragorn caught Pippin in the act of throwing stones into the water.  
  
"Let him do what he wants." TC muttered as she walked by, suddenly in a foul mood.  
  
"OKAY TC!" Aragorn yelled, drawing his sword, "I've had enough of you!" TC stopped and looked at him with wide eyes. "Draw your sword." TC blinked, as if confused. "I'm serious!" Everyone turned to stare. TC didn't think he was that serious, and turned to walk away, but Aragorn's sword (at her throat) stopped her.  
  
"Draw your sword!" he demanded.  
  
"You're kidding, right?" TC asked. The look on his face told her he wasn't. "I can't fight you!"  
  
"You're gonna have to!"  
  
TC gripped the handle of her sword, but it was still stuck. She got a look of sheer panic on her face, and had a feeling Aragorn would be swordfighting whether she had a sword or not. She began to frantically yank on it.  
  
"Pippin, give TC your sword."  
  
"No!" Pippin protested.  
  
"GIVE HER YOUR SWORD!"  
  
"You can't fight her if she doesn't have a sword!"  
  
"Oh yes I can!"  
  
Pippin quickly tossed his sword to TC, who caught it (barely) in her right hand. The two swords quickly clashed, causing TC's to fly out of her hand (right at Sam, who wouldn't toss it back). TC quickly ran over and picked up the sword and slowly walked over to Aragorn. She wore a look of mortal fear.  
  
The fight quickly recommenced. TC surprised herself, and Aragorn. She was actually doing quite well, and seemed to be winning. Aragorn was rather confused.   
  
"Come on!" Sam cheered, "Beat her DOWN!"  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" Aragorn shouted at TC.  
  
"I'm trying to live!"  
  
"You're freakin left-handed!" Aragorn sheathed his sword.  
  
"So?" TC remained with the sword in the defensive position, looking humorously afraid.  
  
"I can't fight you!" Aragorn began walking away from her. TC suddenly regained her confidence.  
  
"What?" she taunted, "Afraid you'll lose to a GIRL HOBBIT?" TC tossed the sword back to Pippin. Aragorn didn't respond to TC's comment.  
  
"Hey Legolas, guess who smashed your favorite statue in Rivendell?" Aragorn said to the Elf as he walked over to him. He then said something to Legolas, who sent a glare TC's way.  
  
"How'd he know about that?" TC asked to no one in particular. Legolas grabbed his bow and seemed prepared to use it. "Uh, Pippin...I may be needing that sword again..."  
  
MC was staring directly ahead of her, at Frodo, paying no attention to what Merry was saying. He noticed this.  
  
"Why does Frodo always seem to be in your line of vision?" Merry asked suspiciously.  
  
"For the same reason I always seem to be in your line of vision." MC answered. "Except I'm not a stalker!"  
  
"Well, neither am I!"  
  
MC stared at Merry in disbelief. "Oh yes, you ARE!"  
  
"Wanna bet?"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Hey Strider!" Merry called, "Am I stalking--"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"You didn't even let me finish!"  
  
Frodo suddenly realized something. "Gandalf, what's the Elvish word for friend?"  
  
"Mellon."  
  
The doors opened, everyone ran inside.  
  
"You don't need to walk in this crap!" Merry said to MC, and picked her up.  
  
"Put me DOWN!" MC slapped Merry.  
  
"No! You don't know what could be on the ground!"  
  
"I'd rather take my chances with whatever that might be!"  
  
"This is no mine." Boromir muttered. "It's a tomb."  
  
Suddenly, everyone noticed the skeletons, pierced with arrows, littering the floor.  
  
"Sick!" TC screamed, trying to control her gag reflexes.  
  
Suddenly Frodo was grabbed around the ankle by something that pulled him back towards the lake.  
  
"Frodo!" MC screamed, breaking free of Merry's grip. Sam, MC, and Pippin quickly began slashing at the tentacle that had Frodo.  
  
"Strider!" Merry screamed. "STRIDER!"  
  
Aragorn, and everyone else, turned, just in time to see seven more tentacle appear. Aragorn and Boromir quickly ran at the creature, swords bared. They too, began slashing at the thing. It quickly dropped Frodo. Boromir caught him and quickly ran back into the mines.  
  
Legolas shot an arrow at the creature (but because of how close it went to TC's head, TC had suspicions that it may have been aimed at her), and nailed it in the face. Everyone ran back into the mines, and the creature pulled down the doors of Moria.  
  
"We now have no choice but to face the long, dark of Moria." Gandalf said, illuminating his staff.  
  
"Well, this is just wonderful." TC stated in total sarcasm. Merry quickly picked up MC again, as they began walking.  
  
"NO!" MC protested  
  
"It will take us several days to get to the other side." Gandalf told them. "Let us hope we can make it there unnoticed.  
  
MC groaned, "You aren't planning on carrying me the whole way, are you?"  
  
"You bet I will!" Merry grinned. MC's eye twitched.  
  
"Ha ha! MC got a stalker! MC got a stalker!" TC chanted, walking beside MC and Merry  
  
"You can't talk!" MC yelled back at her.  
  
"Aye! What's that mean?"  
  
"You ARE a stalker!"  
  
"Not YOUR stalker!"  
  
"Thank God for that..." MC muttered quietly.  
  
"I have no memory of this place." Gandalf said after a while of walking.  
  
"Great, we're LOST!" Pippin whined.  
  
Everyone sat down as they waited for Gandalf to remember where exactly they were. It was completely silent. For a while, anyways. The silence was broken by a loud belch, followed by "sorry."   
  
"Pippin!" Merry slapped his friend.  
  
"Dude, that wasn't me!" Pippin defended, rubbing his arm where he was slapped.  
  
"It came from your direction--LEGOLAS!"  
  
The Elf blushed.  
  
"I could do better than that!" Pippin declared.  
  
"So could I! I could do better than YOU too!" Merry bragged.  
  
"Wanna bet?"  
  
"You're on!"  
  
The two Hobbits quickly commenced in a belching contest. It started out quietly, but it wasn't long before TC, MC and Legolas had to move away from them. It was surprising that noises THAT loud could come out of creatures that small. Somewhat disturbing too. Finally, Pippin let out an amazingly long, and loud one, earning him horrified looks from everyone.  
  
"Pippin! Merry!" Aragorn hissed, "Quit it! Every living creature in Moria has probably become aware of us now!"  
  
"That means I won!" Pippin declared happily.  
  
"That's not something to be proud of!" MC said to him in disgust.  
  
"MC...you really can't talk." TC told her.  
  
"Neither can you!"  
  
"Oh! It's this way!" Gandalf suddenly got up and began walking. Everyone followed him. MC quickly ran to the front of the group to avoid Merry, though her efforts were in vain, because he quickly caught up.   
  
"It's really quiet!" TC blurted incredibly loudly.  
  
"We want it to stay that way!" Aragorn told her. TC grunted. MC, who was...um, being carried next to her, looked over at her in surprise.  
  
"What was that?" she demanded.  
  
TC snorted.  
  
"Right..."  
  
After a couple minutes of silence, TC made another random, odd noise. This continued until they reached a larger room and Gandalf's staff let off more light.  
  
"The dwarf-city: Dwarrodelf."  
  
Everyone looked around in awe. As they were walking, Gimli saw something that caught his attention. He ran into that room and bent over it.  
  
"NO!" he screamed. Everyone ran to where he was. "Balin is dead."  
  
Gandalf saw a book being held by a skeleton. He handed his hat and his staff to Pippin. Gandalf picked up the book and began reading aloud from it. Pippin began backing up, then hit a well. He turned around and saw a skeleton peirced with an arrow. Pippin grabbed the arrow and twisted it. The skeleton fell down the well. It was attached to a rusty chain...which was hooked onto a bucket. Everyone looked over, startled, Gandalf set the book down.  
  
"Fool of a Took!" he yelled, grabbing his hat and staff. "Throw yourself in next time and rid us all of your stupidity!" Pippin looked down.  
  
~~~  
  
"Shut up old man!" TC yelled, leaping at Gandalf. When she hit him, she knocked him off balance. Down the well they went.  
  
Luckily, Aragorn and Boromir reacted quickly and were able to grab Gandalf's feet. TC had a hold on Gandalf's wrists.  
  
"I should let you fall!" Gandalf muttered while Aragorn, Boromir, and Legolas started pulling them up.  
  
"You wouldn't!" TC growled.  
  
"Wouldn't I?"  
  
"You'd have several angry hobbits after you!"  
  
When the two were safely out of the well, Gandalf muttered something and flung TC across the room with his staff.  
  
~~~  
  
  
  
A faint drumming started.   
  
"So much for going unnoticed." Sam muttered. Frodo pulled Sting partway out of the sheath. It was glowing blue.  
  
"Orcs!" Legolas said. The pounding grew louder and faster. Boromir and Legolas went to shut the door. Boromir quickly looked at the incoming orcs. As they barred the door, he informed the rest that there was a cave troll with the orcs.  
  
"Stay close to Gandalf!" Aragorn told the hobbits. They all flocked together and drew their swords (well, all except TC, who didn't even try).  
  
"Nice going Pippin." Sam said sarcastically. Pippin looked sad, like he was going to cry. TC punched Sam, knocking him down. He got up and discovered he had a bloody nose.  
  
"TC!" Gandalf yelled. "DON'T DO THAT!" TC just sniffed at him arrogantly.  
  
The orcs began clawing at the wooden door with their axes. As soon as there was a hole in the door, Legolas shot an arrow and there was a shriek. Sam got a pan out instead of his sword, not really knowing why (apparently TC knocked some sense out of him...). Then the Orcs broke through. Everyone quickly began slashing with their swords, shooting arrows, or even hitting the Orcs on their heads with a frying pan.  
  
TC saw some Orcs coming at her, and decided to try her sword. It slid out easily.  
  
"It came out!" she screamed, staring at it in amazement. "IT CAME OUT!" she turned to begin slashing Orcs, but at that same time, Sam swung his pan back to swing at an Orc. The pan hit TC square in the face. She stopped, in a bit of a daze. The quickly snapped out of it and began fighting (the orcs).  
  
Then the cave troll came in. It was the most hideous creature any of them had ever seen. They couldn't help but stare at it for a couple seconds, but there were plenty of Orcs left, and they couldn't gawk for long. After a few minutes, there was a shriek.  
  
"NO!" It was MC. Everyone looked over. The cave troll was hovering over Frodo, pulling a spear out of the hobbit. Merry and Pippin quickly jumped on the creature and began stabbing it with their swords.  
  
TC looked over at MC, who was staring at Frodo's body, in a sort of trance.  
  
"MC!" she screamed, and ran up to her friend. She stabbed the Orc that was coming up behind MC. MC automatically, without looking, assumed it was Merry.  
  
"MERRY!" she yelled in annoyance, turning around. "Oh, hi!"  
  
"I'm not Merry!" TC said plainly. "And if you think I am, you need HELP!"  
  
Then Legolas shot the troll up his mouth. Pippin, who was still mounted on it, was flung across the room as it fell. Merry had long since been thrown off.  
  
Aragorn and Sam ran over to Frodo. The hobbit, that they thought was dead, coughed.  
  
"I'm alright!" he said. "I'm not hurt!"  
  
"Yipee!" MC rejoiced. there was shrieking of orcs in the distance.  
  
"We must make for the bridge of Khazad-dum!" Gandalf said and took off running, everyone following him. The Orcs began crawling down the pillars. The Fellowship was soon surrounded.  
  
"Well, this might be bad..." TC said. A roaring occured, a LOUD roar. The orcs scattered and ran off.  
  
"A Balrog...to the Bridge!" They all began running again, Gandalf in the lead. They came to some stairs, and about halfway down a huge chunk was missing from them. Legolas jumped across first. Then Gandalf. Boromir grabbed Merry and Pippin and jumped across. (Merry kept yelling at him that he should have grabbed MC instead of Pippin. Pippin wasn't too happy with Merry about that). Aragorn threw Sam, and turned to Gimli.  
  
"Nobody tosses a dwarf!" Gimli said and jumped the gap. He almost fell, but Legolas grabbed his beard and pulled him up. Aragorn turned to the remaining three hobbits. TC and MC looked unreasonably afraid. They confessed to being afraid (well, MORTIFIED is more accurate) of heights. Aragorn said that was just too bad for them and tossed MC across the gap.  
  
Then a huge chunk of rock fell and widened the gap. Another chunk fell, behind them, creating an island around Aragorn, TC, and Frodo. The island began to wobble.  
  
"FRODO!" MC cried. "NO!" The island began falling forward, and hit the rest of the stairs. The three flew into the group. Immediately they began running for the bridge again.  
  
Then the Balrog appeared.  
  
"Dude..." MC and TC said at the same time, staring at the fiery creature. Everyone began running across the bridge. Gandalf stopped and began yelling at it.  
  
"Gandalf!" Frodo began to run back to the wizard. Boromir held him back.  
  
"You shall not pass!" Gandalf yelled and slammed his staff down in front of him. The Balrog snorted and stepped forward, the bridge crumbling underneath the creature. As it fell, it cracked it's whip and the whip wrapped around Gandalf's ankle, pulling him down. He caught the edge.  
  
"Fly you fools!" he told them, then fell.  
  
"NO!" Frodo screamed, Boromir had to carry him as they all ran out. Everyone sat down when they got outside. TC and MC stared at them all.  
  
"Hey MC..."TC said slowly. "Thanks for being worried about me at the stairs..." TC sent a hard glare at MC.  
  
"What?"  
  
"This is YOUR fault!" Sam screamed at them through his tears.  
  
"How is it OUR fault?" MC asked.  
  
"Really, it's not like we pushed him down or something!" TC put in.  
  
"He fell on purpose! He wanted to get away from you guys!"  
  
  
  
"Legolas!" Aragorn called. "Get them up!"  
  
"Give them a moment!"  
  
"By nightfall, these hills will be swarming with orcs! We must reach the woods of Lorien." Aragorn and Legolas got everyone up and began the journey to Lothlorien.  
  
A/N: Sorry, that was incredibly long...wasnt it? and it wasnt that funny i dont think. Ill try to work on that in future chapters. 


	7. Lothlorian and Urukhai

A/N: Hey I'd like to thank my friend, Kiersti, for her help w/ this chapter. This chapter would have been shorter (excluding Lothlorien), and would have taken a LOT longer w/out her help, so thank u:) and thank u to everyone whos reveiwed!  
PS I extended the canoe part

Their walk through the woods started out quiet. Then Pippin randomly slapped Merry over the head. "Hey! What was that for?" Merry snapped, putting his hand to the back of his head. "You'd rather that a girl, who you hardly know, lived, than me, your best friend for years!" "Well, I can't marry you"  
"Obviously"  
"You aren't gonna marry me!" MC put in, horrified at the thought.  
"See! You have no chance with her, yet you'd rather she lived"  
"Don't worry, Pippin." TC joined in the conversation. "I know exactly how you feel." She glared at MC again.  
"What?" MC asked, clueless.  
"Back on the stairs, you didn't seem at all concerned that I, your best friend, could have died at any moment had I fallen. Yet you noticed that Frodo was up there! A guy you've hardly even talked to"  
"Shut up back there!" Aragorn yelled from the group. The four hobbits were silent for about five seconds, then began quarreling again.  
"I mean, Merry, I'd rather you lived than TC if I had to choose"  
"OH MY GOSH!" TC yelled. "No one cares if I die"  
"You finally realized that?" Sam replied from up ahead. "I care whether you die or not!" MC defended.  
"You care more about Frodo"  
"No! Here! Frodo, go to h-" MC stopped when a bunch of arrows were pointed at them. "Um"  
Merry quickly put himself between MC and the arrow. "These woods are perilous! We should go back!" Gimli stated.  
"You have entered the realm of the Lady of the Wood. You cannot go back," the head elf said. Then he turned and started walking, and the rest of the Elves followed. Then Aragorn went with them and so did the rest of the Fellowship. They soon reached an elf-city with beautiful structures, which they were informed was Lothlorien.  
"Are those wood?" MC asked.  
"And are there any matches?" TC added. A blonde elf lady descended the stairs. "Ten that are here yet eleven departed from Rivendell," the elf said and paused. "Gandalf has fallen into shadow"  
"No, actually he fell into a bunch of fire." TC had an evil glint in her eyes. The elf introduced herself as Galadriel and began talking to them. Suddenly, MC screamed.

"Hey MC, what happened to you earlier?" TC asked her friend as they were crawling into their sleeping bags. "Galadriel told me something"  
"Uh, yeah, she told everyone"  
"She told you all that I'm destined to be with Merry!" MC screamed.  
"What"  
"Um..." MC blushed.  
"Oh, guess what I've got?" TC reached in her pockets and pulled out the tubes of hair dye she'd brought with her. TC grabbed her sword. "I knew I'd benefit from carrying these around! Come on MC, we have some work to do. Grab your sword!" TC commanded, and began walking over to the sleeping Aragorn.

The next morining, the two hobbits were awakened by several screams. "TC!" That was Aragorn. He ran over to TC and MC. "What did you do!" He pointed to his pink, spiked hair. Legolas came in too, bald with a tuft of green hair in the middle of his head. "You!" he yelled menacingly, glaring at TC.  
"What?" TC asked, faking innocence the best she could. Sam and Merry came in. Sam's hair was shaved in rows along his head, the remaining hair dyed green. Merry had horizontal rows. His hair was blue. Galadriel and some other elves ran in, also outraged. Galadriel had a purple mohawk. The other elves had other assortments of hair styles and colors.  
"Uh oh," TC said, and took off. MC felt as if it would be a good idea to follow. Aragorn and Legolas told the others that they would gladly handle it by themselves. They took off after the evil hobbits and, being larger, quickly caught them.  
Aragorn grabbed MC, and Legolas took TC and they carried the hobbits (who were screaming by now) to the nearby river. Merry and Pippin followed as fast as they could (Merry was not mad at MC, he felt his newly acquired hairstyle was all TC's fault, when in fact it was MC's idea to do that to Merry), but couldn't catch them before Aragorn and Legolas threw MC and TC into the middle of the river.  
"We can't swim!" MC screamed as she and TC surfaced, then went back down.  
Pippin and Merry jumped up and took Legolas and Aragorn down. They also were flung into the water. TC and MC had resurfaced, and discovered that the water was only waist high. Pippin and Merry flew at them and knocked them over (you can guess who landed on who). When they resurfaced, arrows began flying like no other. "Are you trying to kill us!" TC screamed at them.  
"YES!" Legolas replied, shooting another arrow. The four hobbits flung themselves down under the water. They waited for a minute, then got back up. Aragorn and Legolas were nowhere in sight. They slowly walked out of the river, and into the woods, only to be tackled me the elf and the man. Actually, TC and MC were tackled, Merry and Pippin hadn't done anything to piss either of them off.  
A fist fight commenced. MC against Legolas. TC against Aragorn. MC actually surprised Legolas by dominating the fight. She pulled some karate moves on him. Eventually Legolas walked away, his head bowed in shame. Instantly, Merry was hugging MC and telling her how great she was. MC wasn't as pleased as she had been before.  
Unfortunately, TC was not faring as well. She had a bloody nose, and it was clear who was winning. MC thought about helping her friend, but decided it would be more fun to watch. Of course, the inevitable occurred, and Aragorn won. He walked away proudly. TC stood up and wobbled for a second. Pippin rushed over. The four of them walked back to Lothlorien. Galadriel insisted the Fellowship depart immediately, glaring at TC and MC as she suggested it. Quickly, she gave each a cloak, and lembas bread. Then they each got a gift (if you've read the book you know what they get). MC was given pepper spray. TC got smacked.

They set off in three canoes. Legolas and Boromir and Aragorn rowed. Somehow, they had the same arrangement as on the pass of Caradhras. TC leaned over the boat and flung water at Sam (his canoe was next to hers). He flung water back, but got Legolas instead. He used his paddle to flip water back at Sam, but got Frodo instead. This progressed until absolutely everyone was drenched (some less happy about it than others). Aragorn then demanded the water fight end. Four of the hobbits (you can figure out which ones) were sad, everyone else thanked him.  
"I'm bored." TC said.  
"Too bad." Legolas told her.  
"What"  
"TOO BAD!" Legolas repeated, louder.  
"Could you...um...repeat that again"  
"ARE YOU DEAF! I SAID TOO. BAD!" Legolas said the last two words incredibly slowly and loudly.  
"What"  
"Can you hear me"  
TC gave him a blank look. "Legolas, you're gonna have to use shorter sentences with TC" MC suggested. "Her attention span is usually non-existent"  
"Okay...WHY. YOU. ASK. WHAT?" Legolas asked, but TC was now staring blankly off into space. "Oh man"  
"MC STOP RIGHT NOW!" Aragorn screamed. Everyone looked over, Merry and MC were rocking their canoe back and forth. "I'm serious!" Aragorn sounded a bit scared. The canoe tipped. MC and Merry grabbed Legolas's paddle to pull themselves back up. Aragorn didn't surface.  
"I'm going after him!" Boromir quickly jumped into the water, and brought the ranger to the surface. "What happened...why didn't you come back up"  
"Um...I can't...er...swim." Aragorn admitted, blushing in embarrassment.  
"YOU CAN'T SWIM!" Boromir shouted, astonished. "You're a ranger, and you can't swim?" Aragorn shook his head.

"These capes are so cool!" TC said excitedly, once they'd reached shore, running around in circles so the cape flew out behind her. "I'm a Caped Crusader"  
"Oh dear God." Aragorn watched the hobbit run around.  
"Not this again." MC stared at her friend, who finally stopped and sat down beside her, out of breath.  
"You know..." TC panted, "all this seems really familiar"  
"Yeah, it does"  
"Wonder why"  
"Deja vu"  
"I don't think this whole trip has been deja vu"  
"Yeah... go figure. Hey...where's Frodo"  
"Good question"  
"FRODO'S GONE!" MC began to despair.  
"Hey...so is Boromir. We should probably go look for them." TC was acting as though it were an every day event.  
"Oh my God...you're actually right!" Aragorn said, in amazement. "We'll split up into groups. Sam, come with me. Legolas, Gimli, you look in that direction." he pointed down the coast. "Merry and Pippin, you guys cover the rest"  
"What about us?" MC asked.  
"Stay here"  
"NO"  
"Yes, they might come back"  
"So YOU stay here"  
"No, YOU'RE staying"  
"It's because we're girls, isnt it"  
"Partly"  
"THAT'S NOT FAIR"  
"Just stay!" Before MC or TC could reply, Aragorn and the rest took off, leaving the two hobbits behind.  
"Well, I'm going!" MC got up before TC could stop her. TC decided she might as well follow.  
"Do you think we're lost?" TC asked after a few minutes. "We are! We should have listened to Aragorn"  
"We never listened to him before, why start now"  
"Because we don't know where we are this time"  
"Hey, they're gonna have Merry with them, he'll probably sniff me out or something"  
"He's not a dog"  
"He follows me around like one"  
"There's Boromir!" TC said, pointing at the man, with several arrows peircing him. "Oh God!" She and MC started running at him. Two Uruk-hai intercepted them, grabbing them and following the rest of the herd.

"Hello Pippin!" TC said brightly as the Uruk carrying him pulled up next to her.  
"Hi." Pippin replied, not quite as enthusiastically. They were hanging off the Uruk-hai's backs, bound at the wrists, their arms looped over the Uruks' heads.  
"MERRY!" MC, who was next to TC, screeched. The other two hobbits looked over at her. She was screaming at Merry, who was unconcious. "QUIT STALKING ME! IT'S SCARY! I ACTUALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE VERY HOTT before YOU STARTED STALKING ME! BUT NOW YOU'RE JUST SC"  
"MC," TC cut her friend off. "I really don't think he cares about what you're saying right now"  
"That's a first." Pippin muttered.  
Merry suddenly woke up, smiling. "Was I dreaming, or did MC just call me hott"  
"Yeah man!" TC yelled, "She thinks you're a sexy beast"  
"NO NO NO!" MC screamed. "I said you WERE hott BEFORE you started stalking me"  
Merry heard only "you" and "hott". "She thinks I'm hott!" he started bouncing around excitedly. "Cut it out back there!" one of the Uruks yelled back to them. The leader then signalled them to stop. He smelled the air.  
"I smell human...someone is on our trail!" And he signalled them all to run again, faster than before.  
"Aragorn!" Pippin whispered, and began biting at the brooch on his cloak.  
"Good God! Are you really THAT hungry?" TC stared at him in wonder. Pippin got the brooch off his cloak and spit it on the ground. "Right..."

The Uruks threw the hobbits on the ground.  
"We ain't goin' no further 'til we've 'ad a breather!" one of them said. "And some proper meat"  
"We don't 'ave any!" the leader told them.  
"What about them?" another asked, looking at the hobbits. They stared back, wide-eyed.  
"No! Saruman wants them alive"  
"What about their legs? They don't need those"  
"Yes we do!" Pippin cried out in panic.  
A Uruk started to move towards them, but the leader swung his sword and knocked it's head off. "Looks like meat's back on the menu"  
The four halflings watched in disgust at the display of cannaballism. While the Uruk-hai were distracted, the hobbits began crawling away. One of the Uruks caught them. He was about to say something, but was shot by an arrow and fell dead onto the ground.  
The four looked over and saw men, on horseback, attacking the Uruk-hai. Pippin managed to cut his ropes on the dead Uruk's blade, then untied his companions. Quickly, they ran to the large nearby boulder and waited, under their elven cloaks (a/n-see TTT...might be in the book, not sure, i know its in the movie though).

Hours later, they decided it was safe, and looked around. The Uruk-hai were dead and burning in a pile. One of their heads was shishkabobbed on a stake, it's mouth wrenched open.  
"That's lovely." TC stated sarcastically (she and Pippin did not notice that MC and Merry were not at their side anymore, they'd retreated to the other side of the rock.). They looked over and saw two horses, bearing riders, galloping towards them in the distance. When they got closer, TC and Pippin could see it was Legolas and Aragorn, and Gimli. The three riders reached them and dismounted.  
"PIPPIN!" They all yelled happily.  
"Great, I was afraid of this..." Legolas said.  
"What?" Pippin asked.  
"She's here." The elf looked at TC.  
"Hey!" she replied, insulted.  
"Where's Merry?" Aragorn asked.  
"Um, I thought he and MC were right here." TC and Pippin looked around, but the other two hobbits were nowhere in sight. They ran over to the boulder, and found MC and Merry. TC's face paled at the sight.  
"What?" Aragorn asked, he, Legolas and Gimli walked over, and saw a disturbing sight.  
"OH MY GOD!" TC screamed. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" The liplocked hobbits were unaware that five others were staring at them. 


	8. The Road to Edoras

A/N-chapters may come out little more slowly now...Im having trouble being humourous. Plus the upcoming scenes are a little more difficult to do humor with than others...heh, so please, be patient! You know, it's so wierd. all the feedback ive gotten has been very positive, saying that it's hilarious, yet I read it, and it's not that funny to me...hm, guess it's like my friend, Kiersti says "You cant tickle yourself and make yourself laugh." (see, I DO pay attention!) k, ill stop rambling now!  
~*~*~  
  
TC quickly dragged Merry off of MC and began beating him. "Leave her alone!" she screamed. MC quickly dragged her friend away from Merry. "What?! I'm getting revenge for you!"  
"Um..."  
"Oh no...you..."  
"I wanted to."  
TC looked stunned, and disturbed. "No! No! This is NOT right!" she looked at her friend in disgust.  
"Guys, we don't have room for all of you." Legolas informed, not looking sad at all (his hair had not recovered from TC and MC's little stunt in Lothlorien. He knew exactly who he wanted to leave behind, and was sure Aragorn felt the same).  
"Well you and Aragorn can run pretty fast!" TC replied.  
"We are not running!" Aragorn said.  
"Why not?"  
"Why do you think?"  
"Guess we can only take two of you...Merry and Pippin!"  
"Well, here we run into a bit of a problem..." Pippin said. "See MC and TC will not be separated. Merry will not leave MC behind...I think that's a mutual feeling now." Pippin shuddered slightly. "and me and Merry will not be separated. so it's either all of us, or none of us."  
"I guess it's none then!" Legolas began walking towards his horse.  
"LEGOLAS!" Aragorn yelled. "We cannot leave Merry and Pippin out here with those two! That'd be worse than leaving them here alone!"  
"Thanks!" TC stated sarcastically, punching Aragorn in the side (being that she could not reach much higher) as hard as she could manage (which was not very hard to Aragorn). The ranger glared down at her. She quickly ran out of reach.  
"So what should we do?" Legolas asked.  
"Who's that?" TC asked, staring at someone coming up in the distance. Aragorn and Legolas were conversing, and didn't deem anything TC had to say as important.  
"Which hobbit are you talking about?" Pippin thought TC was looking at the two liplocked hobbits standing in front of them.  
"I don't think that's a hobbit!"  
Pippin looked MC and Merry up and down. "I'm pretty sure whichever one you're talking about IS in fact, a hobbit."  
"PIPPIN!" TC yelled, suddenly realizing what Pip was talking about. "NOT THEM! LOOK! Off in the distance!"  
"ARAGORN!" Pippin screamed, startling Aragorn and Legolas. Even Merry and MC were startled. "IT'S THE WHITE WIZARD!"  
"Saruman!" the ranger assumed, staring at the oncoming rider.  
"Great, we get rid of one geezer, and another one shows up!" MC complained.  
"Actually...it looks like the same geezer we had before." TC observed as the rider neared them.  
"Hey! We have room for all of us now!" MC pointed out, happily. Aragorn and Legolas's spirits fell at that discovery, as they had still been hoping to leave TC and MC behind.  
"GANDALF!" Legolas screamed. Gandalf reached them and there was a happy reunification (excluding TC and MC, but they didn't wish to be included anyways), in which Gandalf told about his fight with the Balrog, and how he came back. "We must go to Edoras!" Gandalf said, patting Shadowfax.  
"I am NOT riding with TC and Pippin!" Legolas demanded firmly.  
"I'm not riding with MC and Merry!" Aragorn decided as well. "And I don't think it would be wise to let MC and Merry, or TC and Pippin, ride together."  
"Yes." Gandalf agreed. "And it would be to cruel to make one person deal with both TC and MC." The mentioned hobbits looked indignant.  
"I'll take MC and Pippin!" Legolas quickly volunteered, knowning that MC was easier to tolerate than TC (though, not by much).  
"I don't want TC!" Aragorn yelled.  
"What? Like I really wanna ride with you?" TC retorted.  
"You can ride with Gandalf."  
"No!" Gandalf yelled firmly. "I'm riding with the dwarf." TC sat on the nearby boulder and looked down sadly. Aragorn didn't seem to have a choice. Legolas was loaded and Gandalf refused.  
"Fine..." he surrendered.  
  
"I don't wanna ride with Merry!" TC screamed from behind Aragorn. "I wanna ride with PIPPIN!"  
"Yes, TC, you have made that clear!" Aragorn said through clenched teeth. TC and Merry had been complaining the whole time, and he was trying as hard as he possibly could to keep his temper under control.  
"And I REALLY don't wanna ride with TC!" Merry yelled, in front of Aragorn. "I REALLY wanna ride with MC!"  
Legolas was having similar problems.  
"I REFUSE TO RIDE ANY FURTHER WITH MC!" Pippin yelled stubbornly.  
"You don't have a choice!" Legolas told him, trying to ignore that the hobbit had just elbowed him (hard) in the stomach. "But I wouldn't care if you jumped off the horse!"  
"I WANT TO RIDE WITH MERRY!" MC screamed commandingly, causing Legolas to jump (partly because of the noise, partly because he still wasn't used to the fact that MC LIKED Merry).  
Suddenly, TC flew off the horse. Well, actually, she was thrown off the horse. Aragorn was looking quite pleased with himself. Legolas and Gandalf halted their mounts, so Aragorn had to as well.  
"I cannot ride with those two any longer!"  
"We might as well just humor them." Legolas suggested. "But I am still NOT riding with TC and Pippin!" Legolas recalled the trouble that TC tended to cause.  
"That's fine, because I'm not riding with MC and Merry!" Aragorn replied. The hobbits switched horses, except TC, who remained standing on the ground, her arms crossed. "TC, get over here!"  
"No! Not until you apologise!"  
"NOW!"  
"NO!"  
Aragorn jumped off his horse, walked over to TC and dragged her over to the horse and mounted up. By now, MC, Pippin, and Merry had discovered why TC complained so much--it was fun! Their complaints did not cease.  
"I don't wanna sit in back!" MC whined (though she really couldn't care less). "I feel like I'm gonna fall off!"  
"So hold on!" Legolas said in annoyance.  
"I don't wanna hold on to YOU!"  
"So shut up!"  
"Don't wanna do that either!"  
"Too bad!"  
Aragorn was not faring any better.  
"Your sword is touching my leg!" TC complained. "And it's not cool!"  
"Would you rather I got rid of my sword?"  
"Yes, I actually would feel more comfortable if you did..."  
"Well I'm not going to! So deal with it!"  
"Aragorn..."  
"WHAT PIPPIN?!"  
"The saddle horn is rubbing my balls!"  
"I DON'T CARE!"  
"ARAGORN!"  
"TC YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL!" Aragorn yelled, not realizing his irony.  
"We're too close to the other horse! Legolas's foot is touching mine!"  
Aragorn moved the horse over to the right.  
"Now Gandalf's staff is touching my foot. Or maybe that's Gimli's axe..."  
"TC!" Aragorn screamed, causing everyone to jump, "SHUT UP!" TC blinked a couple times, as if that was a concept she hadn't grasped yet.  
"LEGOLAS!" MC shouted.  
"WHAT?!" The elf cried, his nerves were wearing very thin.  
"I can't see Merry."  
"And I can't see MC!" Merry added.  
"Your quiver is right in my face!"  
"SO SCOOT BACK!" Everyone stared in surprise at the Elf's (second) outburst.  
"I'll fall off!"  
"I know!"  
  
"I'm bored." MC said, several hours later.  
"Me too," TC agreed. Merry and Pippin stated that they too were bored. Legolas and Aragorn became frightened, knowing no good could come out of this situation.  
"Let's swordfight!" MC suggested.  
"On horseback?" TC asked, doubtful.  
"Sure, why not?"  
They drew their swords and began fighting the best they could (which was not easy on horseback, when the horse is galloping, and you're on the horse's rear). TC soon won, because MC lost grip on her sword, and it fell to the ground.  
"Legolas!" she screamed. "Stop the horse! I need to get my sword." TC quickly sheathed hers.  
Legolas halted his horse (as did Aragorn and Gandalf), so MC could grab her sword. They confisgated the hobbits' swords.  
  
For Aragorn, Legolas, Gandalf, and Gimli, the trip to Edoras took twice as long as it should have. The hobbits' complaining continued the WHOLE way there. As soon as they were inside the city, the hobbits were evacuated from the horses.  
"GET AWAY!" Aragorn screamed, a pure sight of insanity at that moment.  
"AR-A-GORN! THEY. WILL. NOT. HURT. YOU!" Legolas spoke slowly, separating every syllable.  
"Yes they will." 


	9. Attack of the Wargs!

A/N: Sorry it may have taken a while to get this up, i had a hard time writing it, after i got about 3 pgs of it written, i lost my notebook with the story in it on saturday, at school! so i tried to do it from memory, then write the remainder. and please reveiw! thanks.  
BTW: In case you didnt see in the summary, I extended the canoe bit in chapter...7. Once again, I apologise for taking so long to put this up!  
  
~*~*~  
  
"I think it would be best if the little ones stayed outside." Gandalf looked down at the hobbits. They stared back innocently (a look that didn't work for them).  
"Yes." Aragorn agreed. "They would probably cause damage beyond reparation in the palace."  
"But I don't trust them out here unsupervised." Legolas stated. "I have no doubt that they could destroy the city in a matter of minutes if they wanted to, which I'm sure they do."  
"So you stay out here with them."  
"Why don't you watch them?"  
"It was your idea!"  
"I don't want to!"  
"Let's not get into this again!" Gimli inturrupted. "Elf, you watch them!"  
"That's cold!" Legolas said, not only at the fact that Gimli assigned him the hobbits, but also at his failure to acknowledge Legolas by his name. Gandalf, Aragorn, and Gimli quickly rushed to the palace before Legolas could refuse. They had to give up their arms at the door, except Gandalf kept his staff. Legolas turned and looked down, to find four faces of evil staring back at him. "Whatever you're plotting, you can just forget it."   
The hobbits looked down in dissappointment.  
"I think I can help one of you though...I doubt very much."  
He got four looks of confusion and curiosity.  
"TC...you need to learn to use your right hand!"  
"What?"  
"You're left handed...left handed people...or hobbits...are said to be possessed by a demon. And the last thing I need right now is a demonic hobbit. Already got three of those." Legolas looked at the other three hobbits. They looked back indignantly.  
"So you're saying I'm possessed by an evil spirit...because I'm left handed?!"  
"I'm not saying that's the only reason you may be possessed...and I'm not saying you're the only one, out of you four, who is possessed. Now grab your sword, and Pippin, give me yours." (the hobbits' swords had been returned).  
After about ten minutes, TC's sword had become more successful at flying than she had been at using her right hand. Legolas could see from the very start the task would not be easy, at all. Then Aragorn, Gimli, Gandalf and a bunch of other people exited the palace. TC's sword flew dangerously close to Aragorn's head, but he caught it by the hilt as it flew by. He turned to see what was going on, and began walking over to them. The rest of the group was following an old dude.  
"What are you doing?" he demanded.  
"Trying to teach TC to be right handed!"  
"Give me that sword!" Aragorn said, handing TC's sword back to her, and taking Pippin's from Legolas. "I can do a better job than that!"  
Though, he was not able to. On the first try, TC's sword flew...and beheaded a chicken. The farmer stared at it for a second, then began chasing them, screaming something about his dead pet...  
  
"I wanna ride!" TC complained insistently. Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, the hobbits, and everyone else in the city (minus Gandalf, who'd departed earlier) had to go to Helm's Deep.  
"I don't care!" Aragorn snapped.  
"But my feet hurt!"  
"SHUT UP!"  
"You're so mean to them!" Eowyn observed.  
"Yeah man! Listen to her!" MC joined in.  
"You think you could do better?" Aragorn challenged, ignoring MC.  
"Yes I do." Eowyn said confidently.  
"Fine." Aragorn called the hobbits, and they grouped around him. "Okay, as of now, you guys listen to Eowyn."  
"So we don't have to listen to you?!" Pippin asked.  
"For now you don't." Aragorn grinned, evilly.  
"Hey Eowyn..." TC asked. "Can I ride?"  
"Sure." Eowyn helped the hobbit onto her horse.  
  
(five minutes later...)  
"Eowyn, I'm bored! I wanna get down!" TC whined.  
"Okay." Eowyn halted her horse to let TC get down.  
"I wanna ride now!" Pippin said. Eowyn helped him onto the horse, and they began walking again.   
"My feet hurt now! I wanna ride!" TC stated a couple minutes later. Eowyn stopped the horse and let TC mount herself this time.  
"Eowyn! This saddle's too small! My balls are being crushed!" Pippin squeaked (though he and TC had plenty of room).  
"Eowyn! The horse stepped on my foot!" MC screamed.  
"Eowyn! MC's in pain!" Merry yelled.  
"SHUT UP!" Eowyn shouted. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"  
"You're so mean to them." Aragorn stated, laughing.  
  
"A spy!" Legolas shouted, near the front of the group. He, and several others, were staring at an evil looking warped wolf, now dead, along with the corpse of it's rider. They knew there would be more.  
"Eowyn!" Theoden said. "Take the women, children, and the hobbits to Helm's Deep!"  
"But I can fight!" Eowyn protested.  
"Just do it!"  
"Fine." Eowyn reluctantly led the people on the path to Helm's Deep. The four hobbits were at the back.  
"I'm going to fight!" MC decided and turned to go towards the commencing battle.  
"You can't!" TC argued. "You'll get killed!"  
"I don't care!" MC ran off to join the fight. Merry followed her, Pippin followed him, and TC decided she might as well follow Pippin.  
  
The hobbits were quickly separated. TC could see right away she didn't stand a snowball's chance in Hades unless she had a mount. She saw her chance when a warg came charging at her. She slashed at it's rider with her sword, killing it. The warg had stopped and was growling at TC. She did the only thing she could--and mounted it.  
  
One of the warg riders had caught MC and Pippin, and it's mount was racing towards the cliff. Aragorn saw this, and quickly ran at it (though he was confused at why the two hobbits were there) and managed to kill the rider without getting MC and Pippin. Unfortunately, his hand got caught in the warg's hair, and they all went over the cliff.  
  
After all of the wargs (except one) and warg riders were dead, Legolas couldn't find Aragorn. TC and Merry couldn't find MC and Pippin. Legolas saw a rider, still alive, though barely. Legolas ran over and began angrily interrogating it. After a couple minutes, the rider died, and Legolas stood up, not looking happy. TC and Merry went over to him. Legolas turned, and saw TC's (now tame) mount.  
"TC WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he screamed, alarmed.  
"Um...sitting?"  
"GET OFF THAT THING!"  
"Why? It's tame!"  
"Now it is! During the night it will turn and maul us all!!!!!!"  
"Don't say that! Legagorn is a nice warg!"  
"Legagorn?"  
"I couldn't decide who he reminded me of more, you or Aragorn..."  
"Where's MC?" Merry asked.  
"She, and Pippin, and Aragorn...they went over the edge..." Legolas answered, sadly.  
"Are they coming back?"  
"No."  
"WHAT IS SHE DOING?!" Theoden yelled, running over to them.  
"It's her new pet." Resentment creeped into Legolas's voice.  
"It must be killed!"  
"I'll do it!" Legolas eagerly held his bow and arrow up to the beast's head. TC paled.  
"Think of it this way!" she said quickly. "I won't have to ride with you, and I won't have to beg you to let me ride!"  
"She has a point."  
  
Aragorn was woken up by a someone shaking him. Pippin was hovering over him, they were on a shoreline.   
"Where are we?" the hobbit asked.  
"How would I know?"  
"You know everything!"  
"I thank you for your confidence in me...but at the time, I do not know where we are."  
"MERRY!" MC screamed, sitting by a rock.  
"Oh man!" Aragorn's spirits sunk lower than they already were. Then, for some reason, a horse walked up to them, with nothing but a halter and lead rope. It laid down next to Aragorn, and he mounted. As the horse began walking away, Pippin realized Aragorn was trying to leave them behind!  
"What are you doing?"   
"Leaving!"  
"What about us?!"  
"You can walk!"  
  
"TC COME ON!" Legolas yelled, trying to convince the hobbit to come with them. Why he was doing this, he did not know.  
"NO!"  
"WHY NOT?"  
"I DON'T WANNA BE IN A GROUP OF PEOPLE!"  
"SO RIDE BEHIND THE GROUP!"  
"THEN I'LL BE ALONE!"  
Legolas became very annoyed. "Fine! I'LL ride with you, and we can ride behind the group!"  
"Okay."  
Legolas didn't quite know why he'd made the offer, but it was too late now. He slowly climbed onto the Warg behind TC (which completely destroyed the reason why they'd let TC keep the thing).  
A/N: I know it's short, but it took so long to write, and I'm not sure, it may be a while before I'm online again, so i decided to just post it now. 


	10. Helm's Deep

A/N: Okay, this one might be a little short as well, it was supposed to be part of 9, but it was taking so long and i didn't have it typed up. But I promise the next chapter will be longer (seeing as it's the battle of Helm's Deep!)!  
  
~*~*~  
  
"I want MERRY!" MC screamed, not for the first time. Aragorn had eventually given up and let the hobbits ride.  
"Yes, MC, you said that already!" Aragorn gritted his teeth, then saw something past the cliff they were near. He halted the horse and looked at the army of Uruk-hai. "Oh God!"  
"What?" MC asked, not seeing the problem.  
"They're headed for Helm's Deep!"  
"Isn't that where we're going?" Pippin inquired, nervously.  
"Yes!"  
"SWEET! We get to fight them!" MC yelled happily.  
"NO! You guys WON'T be going into battle!" Aragorn said as he signaled the horse to gallop.  
"You've told us that twice, and both times we fought!" Pippin pointed out. "What makes you think we won't do it again?"  
"You nearly died both times!"  
"So?" MC clearly didn't see why that was bad. "You aren't going to keep us out of battle."  
  
"Legolas, you're crowding me!" TC complained.  
"SHUT UP! You're the one who wanted me to ride with you!"  
"You offered!"  
"You were being stubborn!"  
"GET OFF!"  
"FINE!" Legolas quickly jumped off of TC's warg.  
"It's lonely up here now."  
"OH MY GOD! Merry, YOU get up there!"  
"I don't wanna!"  
"SOMETHING BETTER HAPPEN SOON!" TC screamed.  
"Like reaching Helm's Deep?" a nerby person asked. Actually, she turned out to be an elf.  
"That might work."  
"Good! Cause we're just about there!" Indeed, Helm's Deep was in sight.  
"You can't stand her either?" Legolas asked.  
"NO!" The elf replied loudly, then introduced herself. "Hi, I'm Liko."  
"I'm Legolas, and this is Merry." Legolas guestured to the tolerable hobbit.. "And that one is TC." he added, with a bit of resentment in his voice.  
"What happened to your hair?" Liko asked, referring to Legolas's somewhat long hair (which was recovering faster than normal).  
"THAT happened to my hair!" Legolas pointed to TC. "And her friend, who is, thank God, not here."  
"I miss her." Merry said sadly.  
"Oh no." Legolas groaned as they entered Helm's Deep.  
  
"Why do we have to go so fast?" Pippin screamed.  
"Cause everyone will die if we don't warn them!"  
"So?! I'll die if I fall off this horse! And I might tell you that that event is in the VERY NEAR future!"  
"TC will die!"  
"Will Merry die?" MC asked, suddenly panicked.  
"Yes!"  
"CAN'T THIS HORSE GO ANY FASTER?!"  
"No, but we're almost there!" Aragorn then added, under his breath: "thank God!"  
"This is REALLY getting uncomfortable!" Pippin screamed, positioned in front of Aragorn. "Being a guy, you can probably understand!"  
"NOT THIS AGAIN!"  
"I'LL BE USELESS IN THIS AREA SOON!" Pippin's voice was going higher with every syllable.  
"DON'T NEED TO HEAR THIS!"  
"I'LL ONLY BE CAPABLE OF SHOOTING BLANKS SOON!"  
"OH GOD!"  
"PIPPIN!" MC screeched from behind Aragorn. "YOU BETTER SHUT UP OR I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD!"  
"Which one?" Pippin squeaked.  
"WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK?!"  
"Well how am I supposed to know?"  
"THERE IT IS!" Aragorn screamed, pointing to the outer walls of Helm's Deep. He seemed to be a little too eager. As soon as they entered Helm's Deep, Aragorn was pelted, in the face, by a ball of mud.  
"Why does this always happen to me?!" TC screamed, covered in mud. Merry was about ten feet away from her, also covered in mud. Apparently they were having a mud fight. Aragorn, MC, and Pippin quickly jumped off the horse. TC rolled her eyes, thinking about how often the following events had already occured, and ran. Aragorn chasing after her.  
"MERRY!" MC screamed, running over and hugging the mud-covered hobbit. Pippin walked off to wander, deciding he would rather not watch the reunited hobbits. He decided to try to find TC. It wasn't hard, all he had to do was follow the screaming and yelling. When Pippin found them, Aragorn and TC were fist fighting (actually, Aragorn had TC pinned down and was punching her while she screamed madly).  
"Hey, stop that!" Pippin yelled, somewhat high pitched, ran over and began hitting Aragorn. The ranger got up and stared at him.  
"Why?"  
"I'm sure she didn't mean to hit you, she could have just been throwing at Merry, and overshot."  
"Yeah!" TC put in. "I have absolutely horrible aim. I was, um, aiming for Merry!"  
"HE WAS AT LEAST 10 FEET IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!"  
"Like I said, I have awful aim."  
"I really don't think it's THAT awful!"  
"Yes it is! Remember the snowball fight?" At the ranger's glare, TC decided that might not have been the best thing to bring up just then. "Hey, that one was Legolas's fault!"  
"How was it my fault?" the mentioned Elf walked up behind them, Liko following him.  
"You lost your grip as I threw!"  
"I should have totally lost my grip and dropped you over the edge!"  
"That's cold!"  
"But he's not the only one who thinks that!" Liko said.   
"YOU HARDLY KNOW ME!!"  
"But Legolas is a good judge of character!"  
"YOU HARDLY KNOW HIM!"  
"He's hott! That's all I need to know!"  
Legolas looked startled at this news.  
"OH MY GOSH!" TC stormed off in a rage. Pippin followed.  
  
Several hours later, TC, MC, Merry and Pippin were sitting in the streets. This caused people there to have a hard time getting by. Though the hobbits were indeed small, they could take up an incredible amount of room. The hobbits were just sitting there, conversing with one another. Aragorn had earlier made an announcment that all the women, children, and hobbits were to go down to the "basement" of Helm's Deep. The hobbits didn't really care. Aragorn pushed through the crowd. He'd heard there was a "traffic jam". He was unsurprised at the source of it.  
"You guys have to go downstairs!" he yelled at them.  
"Why?" Merry asked.  
"A battle is about to commence!"  
"So?"  
"You have to go down with the others!"  
"Why?"  
"BECAUSE I SAID SO!"  
"Dude, what in our history makes you think we're actually gonna listen to you? Remember what happened the last two times you told us not to fight?" TC asked.   
"You almost died both times!"  
"But we didn't, because we're short!" MC stated, proudly.  
Aragorn could see that he would go nowhere with this. Nothing would keep the hobbits out of battle.  
"FINE!" Aragorn stormed off. The four halflings decided to follow him, if only to annoy him. He led them to a room with armor and weaponry. Unfortunately, even their smallest mail coats were too large. They would drag on the ground and slow down the already slow hobbits. Not to mention the amount of complaining they would, no doubt, produce. Aragorn handed MC a shield. It was the smallest sheild, but MC still fell over from the weight.  
"At least you can have better swords." Aragorn was going to hand MC and Merry swords, but they had quickly commenced in a deep, passionate kiss. "Guys--you will DIE if you don't pay attention!" He got no response. "MC? Merry?" Still, no response. "TEN THOUSAND URUK-HAI ARE MARCHING TOWARDS US AS WE SPEAK!" his yelling was in vain, for there still was no response. "YOU WILL DIE!"  
"Aragorn, I really don't think they care." Pippin informed, stating the obvious.  
"Oh my God!" TC said, nervously, staring at the ground by her feet.  
"What? Is it so horrible that you can't look at it?" Aragorn asked, thinking she was talking about MC and Merry.  
"OH MY GOD!"  
"What?"  
"KILL IT!! KILL IT!"  
"Kill what?"  
"ARAGORN! KILL IT!"  
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"  
"YOU CAN'T SEE IT?"  
"SEE WHAT?!"  
"THAT!" TC pointed to the ground. "IT'S HUGE AND HAIRY!!!" TC began shaking, her eyes bulging out of her head just about.  
"WHERE?!"  
"THAT SPIDER!"  
Aragorn walked over and looked at where TC was pointing, and squinted. "ITS THE SIZE OF A PIN HEAD!"  
"KILL IT! IT'S HUGE!"  
Aragorn rolled his eyes and stabbed the tiny spider with the tip of his sword. "Ya happy?"  
"Yep!" TC said happily.  
  
"I CAN'T SEE A BLOODY THING!" MC screamed. She, the other three hobbits, and Gimli, were all standing in the front line of the troop. They were on the wall of Helm's Deep, and there was a large wall in front of them as well. It was several hours later, and the Uruk-hai were in sight (to all those who could see above the wall). Elves from Lorien, lead by Haldir, had come to help them all. Liko, though she was female, insisted on staying by Legolas's side in battle. She was more persistant than the hobbits.   
"Would you like me to explain it to you, or should I get you a box?" Legolas asked, standing behind them. MC just grunted indignantly. The Uruk-hai stopped a bit away from the outer wall, and began pounding their weapons on the ground, screaming. Aragorn commanded all the archers to get ready to fire.   
An old man lost grip, and the first arrow was fired... 


	11. The Battle of Helm's Deep

A/n: Ok...i dont know a thing about Pepper spray! Other than the obvious! lol. I dont know what the effects are, I just know it stings or hurts or whatever. And im pretty sure they didnt have it in this particular time setting...but in this story they do! And I also refer to it as mase, becuz i think thats another name for it...and please reveiw! thanks  
~TC  
PS-near the end the lines are actually taken right out of the movie. for the complete TTT script go to: , and im sorry this chapter isnt as long as id hoped. I think its only about four pages or so :( but its ALL Helm's Deep, except maybe the last couple sentences.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"MC, why are we doing this?" TC asked, a feeling of dread taking her over as the battle commenced.  
"Because it's fun!" MC replied, sincerely overjoyed.  
"You think getting our heads cut off will be...fun?"  
"No, but the events leading up to that will be!" MC fingered her pocket, grinning wickedly.  
"How do you know what those events will be?"  
"Dude! This is battle! How can we NOT have fun?"  
"Easy." TC muttered to herself as a rope with a hook on the end flew up and caught on the wall in front of them. They backed up as a ladder was pulled up and a Uruk appeared over the edge.  
"Now it's our time to fight!" MC grabbed her sword to stab the creature, but before she could, it fell dead, pierced with an arrow. MC quickly turned to find Legolas had shot it. "That one was mine!" MC screamed angrily. Legolas smiled back, satisfied with himself. Then a Uruk head flew at Legolas, hitting him in the face and knocking him down. TC was looking shocked, the rest of the Uruk's body at her feet.  
"I actually killed one!" she said, surprised, then looked at MC. "I killed one before you did!" TC jumped as an arrow flew dangerously close to her head. Legolas got back up and began shooting at the Uruk-hai.  
"Hey Elf!" Gimli yelled as he decapitated a Uruk. "That's my second kill!"  
"I'm on nineteen!" Legolas replied happily and shot two more. "Twenty one!"  
TC and MC were doing rather well. Then TC lost her sword. She'd attempted to use her right hand (since a Uruk was coming up on her right side), and naturally, the sword flew (though TC was pretty sure she'd seen it land in the head of a Uruk). It worked out rather well though, because MC had the pepper spray Galadriel had given her, so she let TC use her sword. Their plan had been that MC would spray the Uruk-hai with her mase, and TC would finish them off with her sword. However, for some reason, the pepper spray killed the Uruk-hai when sprayed in their eyes. MC couldn't decide which fate she liked delivering better, a bloody one, or one that caused the Uruks faces to burn. Therefor she traded weapons with TC every few minutes.  
MC caught a glimpse of Merry as he was fighting. She couldn't look away, he just looked so hott...  
He, after a few minutes (TC had to fight off all the Uruks that came after MC. She'd tried several times to snap her friend out of her trance, to no avail), looked over and saw MC. They began walking towards each other. When they reached, their lips met, and did not part. Aragorn and TC both saw this and headed towards them.  
"You guys!" TC screamed. "This is REALLY a horrible time to do that!" Aragorn pulled MC away from Merry. Without thinking, the hobbit quickly sprayed him with the pepper spray. She and Merry carried on with their previous activity. Aragorn was on the ground, rubbing his eyes, screaming in agony. Luckily, the mase did not do to him what it did to the Uruk-hai. "Oh my gosh! For once, it WASN'T me!" TC said joyously, laughing at the sight of the ranger. She then proceeded to steal MC's pepper spray and sprayed at the two hobbits. MC was unaffected, Merry, however, was not. MC quickly took her mase back and TC ran over to help Pippin. MC began rubbing Merry's eyes in an attempt to help him, but only rubbed it in more, making it worse. Merry fell to the ground and began rolling around, screaming in agony. MC stood guard over him, holding the mase menacingly, daring the Uruks to approach her. Spraying those who accepted the challenge.  
  
"Hello, I was just wondering why you guys are fighting?" TC asked a Uruk that was charging at her and Pippin. "You don't have to, you know! Why can't you just be a peadefu--WHOA!" TC and Pippin ducked to avoid the blow the Uruk sent their way. "Now that wasn't nice!"  
"TC!" Pippin yelled, aggrivated, "I REALLY don't think it's trying to be NICE at the moment!"  
"Why not?"  
Pippin put up his sword to block another blow from the Uruk, then stabbed it, then cut it's throat. "Gee, maybe because they're a breed that's bred for war!"  
"Maybe they don't wanna fight though."  
"I THINK THEY DO!"  
"How would you know?" TC asked as they continued battling the evil creatures.  
"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that they initiated this battle?"  
"That doesn't mean they wanted to!"  
"They're lookin' pretty happy about it!"  
  
"MY EYES!" Merry screamed, still rolling about on the ground.  
"Aragorn!" MC yelled (Aragorn had recovered from his brush with the mase, and was now fighting again, though his eyes were a bit red and puffy).  
"LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW!" Aragorn yelled back. "HE'S GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT HIMSELF!"  
"I see a bright light!" Merry whispered, no longer rolling around, his eyes red and bloodshot.  
"NO! DON'T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT!" MC screamed. Then an idea hit her. She could wash his eyes out! But with what...one thing came to mind. Spit. She spit on her hands and rubbed Merry's eyes. He blinked, then looked at MC, not sure whether to be angry or happy.  
"I can't believe you just spit in my EYES!"  
"But you aren't in pain from the pepper spray anymore, right?"  
"No, I'm not...but you spit in my eyes! That's SICK!"  
  
"LEGOLAS! STOP HIM!" Aragorn yelled to the Elf. A kamikaze Uruk was running towards the base of the wall with an explosive. Legolas began shooting arrows at it. "LEGOLAS! TAKE HIM DOWN!"  
"I'm trying!" Legolas yelled back. He did not succeed, and the Uruk blew out most of the wall in that area. "great!" The Uruk-hai quickly began entering through the gap in the wall. Some of the fighters went down to defend, others went to defend from the outside. The hobbits included in the latter group. TC attempted to clear the last eight steps and fell flat on her face. Legolas was surfing down the steps behind her on an orc sheild, and surfed right on top of her.  
"THANKS!" She yelled sarcastically, getting up, covered in mud. She began running at Legolas, MC's sword raised up menacingly.  
"TC!" Aragorn yelled. "Right now, go after the Uruk-hai! If you wanna attack Legolas afterwards that's fine! But NOT NOW!" TC sent him a quick glare, then (for the first time ever), did what she was told. After about half an hour, Theoden called for them to all retreat back into the keep. The fight was hopeless. The Uruk-hai were pounding against the door with a huge wooden pillar. The door began to break. Theoden turned to Aragorn.  
"How long do you need?" Aragorn asked.  
"As long as you can give me!" Theoden told him. Aragorn grabbed Gimli and they rushed out a side door. Immediately the people inside began bracing the door. Before they put the last brace up Theoden yelled for Aragorn and Gimli to come back in. "I forfeit. The fortress is taken."  
"But you said it would not be taken as long as we were here to defend it!"  
"Look!" Gimli pointed out. "We lasted the night!" He pointed to the window, the sun was rising. Then Aragorn remembered what Gandalf told him before he'd left.  
"Look to my coming at first light on the fifth day. At dawn look to the East. "  
"Ride out with me!" Aragorn said to Theoden.  
"For what?"  
"For Rohan!"  
"Yes! The Horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the deep one last time!"  
Gimli ran up and blew the horn as Aragorn and Theoden and Legolas rode out, Merry riding with Legolas, MC with Aragorn (they'd begged to come). They rode across the bridge and knocked the Uruk-hai out of the way. TC and Pippin were nowhere to be found. Gandalf appeared at the top of the hill, on Shadowfax. Eomer rode up next to him, and the rest of the army. Gandalf and the others with him rode down the hill into the army of Uruk-hai, and began battling them. Aragorn, Legolas, Theoden, and the two hobbits began attacking them as well.  
TC and Pippin were located just then, due to their screams. TC's were screams of excitement. Pippin's were fear. They were mounted on Legagorn (Pippin still wasn't sure of why he let TC talk him into this). The warg was running down the bridge, TC and Pippin slashing at the Uruks. Legagorn was biting at the Uruks as well.  
"BET YOU'RE SORRY YOU BRED THESE NOW!" TC laughed psychotically, scaring even Pippin. With the combination of the new Army of Men, Aragorn, Theoden, Legolas, MC and Merry, and a warg all fighting them, the Uruk-hai quickly retreated.   
"The Battle for Helm's Deep is over, but the war for Middle Earth is about to begin." Gandalf said as the hobbits, elf and two men joined him. Aragorn, Gandalf, and Merry noticed TC's new mount. "What is THAT doing here?" Gandalf demanded.  
"Let her keep it." Legolas quickly told him. "It's tame, I guess, and she won't have to ride with you."  
"Legagorn won't do anything unless I tell him to!" TC said, proudly.  
"Legagorn?" Aragorn asked, not looking too happy.  
"Oh yeah," Legolas said. "You'll LOVE to hear how she got that name..."  
  
A/N: Hey I have 25 reviews right now! If I get 6 more I'll tie my last reveiw record (hint hint) 


	12. Destroying Isengard

a/n: Okay, you'll have to forgive me if I stray a bit from the story, and things WILL be going slower now! Since I just hit the end of TTT movie, i have to go by the books, and due to my short attention span I have trouble reading the LOTR books, so i may not fully comprehend the events. Please forgive me if that happens, I am reading the Return Of The King again right now so im doing my best! lol  
And I know it takes them faster in this story than in the book to get to Isengard...I just didn't know what else to put!  
~TC  
~*~*~  
  
"We must go to Isengard!" Gandalf told them all. "Saruman must be dealt with." Gandalf, the remaining fellowship, Theoden, and his men began riding on the road to Isengard.  
"DANGIT!" MC yelled, about an hour in, shaking her mase bottle.  
"What?" TC asked, riding next to her.  
"I'm almost out of pepper spray!"  
"Thank God!" Aragorn and Merry muttered at the same time.  
"That THING is giving me the evil eye!" Legolas said, eyeing Legagorn suspiciously.  
"He has a name." TC replied, annoyed.  
"How do you know it's a boy?" MC asked.  
"How do you think I know?"  
"You looked?!"  
"Yeah."  
"That's sick!"  
"Yeah, no kidding. You ever looked between a Warg's legs? It's not a pretty sight..."  
"Then why didn't you spare yourself the veiw and give it a name that suited both genders?"  
"I had names chosen for both genders..."  
"And what, prey tell, was your choice for a female name?" Aragorn asked.  
"Arwen!" TC said, just to piss Aragorn off. It worked, he sent a glare her way. TC grinned back, feeling very satisfied with herself.  
"I can't believe you let her keep that!"  
"If you wanna make her get rid of it, you have to ride with her from this point on." Legolas said.  
"Oh...I see your point."  
"I figured you would."  
"Hey MC, can I see your pepper spray bottle?"  
"Why?" MC asked suspiciously.  
"I might be able to...um...figure out a way to make it last longer!"  
MC quickly handed the bottle to Aragorn. He grabbed it and threw it as far away as he could.  
"Hey!" MC yelled, elbowing Aragorn in the stomach.  
"WOO HOO!" TC screamed, excitedly. "Come on Legagorn!" Everyone looked to the rear of the group. TC and her warg, and Pippin (hanging on for dear life, looking quite afraid) were galloping along the back line of the group.  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Aragorn demanded.  
"Making sure all of the horses stay together!"  
"You're HERDING us?"  
"Sure, you could say that!"  
"If that thing bites any of the horses..."  
"He won't!" TC began aiming Legagorn towards Aragorn, with the comment: "I wonder if cutting is any fun." Before anyone could ask, she had put her warg in between Aragorn's horse and the rest of the group. She wouldn't let him re-enter.  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Aragorn demanded, again.  
"Cutting?"  
"Why?"  
"I was bored."  
Aragorn would have attempted to rejoin the group, but his horse was afraid of Legagorn. And TC followed every move they made.  
"Are they, all four of them, like that?!" Theoden inquired to Legolas.  
"Yes." Legolas nodded grimly.  
"All the time?"  
"Yeah."  
"Joy." Theoden replied sarcastically.  
  
"Hey Aragorn can I borrow your horse?" MC asked that night, waking Aragorn up. Everyone was (supposed to be) asleep.  
"What?!" The ranger replied tiredly. "Why?"  
"Racing."  
"I thought you couldn't ride."  
"So?"  
"I'm not letting YOU borrow my horse! It's, like, two a.m!"  
"Probably closer to 3 a.m, is that better?"  
"No! I'm not going to let you borrow my horse at ANY time of the day!"  
"Okay." MC walked off, Aragorn couldn't believe how easy that had been. A few minutes later, he realized MC wasn't giving up.  
"Aragorn, can I borrow your horse?" Pippin asked.  
"For racing?"  
"Um, I guess."  
"Why only one horse? A hobbit wouldn't stand a chance against a horse."  
"A warg would."  
"You are not racing my horse against that THING!"  
"Okay." Pippin walked away. Aragorn waited for Merry to approach, but instead, he heard: "Legolas, can I use your horse?"  
The elf, still asleep, muttered "Sure."  
"Yay!" Pippin ran over to the other hobbits. "Aragorn wouldn't let us use his horse, but Legolas said yes! I think he was talking in his sleep...but oh well!"  
"Yeah this is an instance where that comes in handy." TC replied, and mounted Legagorn. "So who wants to race first?"  
"Well, what are the rules?" Pippin asked.  
"I race against one of you, me on Legagorn, whoever on Arod. Then the remaining two will race each other. After the races the winners will race each other on their mounts. If the two winners had the same mount...well, we'll see who the winners are. We'll race to that tree and back." TC pointed to a tree about a quarter of a mile away.  
"That's a long way." Merry commented.  
"Yep. So, who's going first?"  
No one volunteered.  
"Merry, mount up."  
"Why me?"  
"Because if you and MC race, you'll end up making out or something in the middle of the race!"  
"How could you do that?!"  
"I'm surprised you haven't figured out a way yet!"  
"Why can't MC go first?"  
"What? You don't want to check the path to make sure it's safe for her to ride on?"  
"Good point!" Merry, with the help of MC and Pippin, mounted up onto Legolas's horse.  
"Ready," Pippin raised his hand. "Set...GO!" Pippin's hand dropped and the two riders took off at a full gallop. Merry was riding on the outside of TC. As they came around the tree, Legagorn bucked and switched leads. TC flew off towards Merry, and grabbed his saddle.  
"LEGGY!" TC called to her mount. The warg, who'd pulled ahead, began to slow down. TC was attempting to swing her leg over the other side of the horse, but the saddle began slipping. The hobbits both screamed as they fell. TC landed on Legagorn, but Merry grabbed her as he went down and they both ended up getting trampled by the warg. They got up and began walking back to the others, glaring at each other the whole way.  
"WHAT are you doing?" Legolas demanded whent they got back.  
"Yousaidwecould!" Pippin said quickly.  
"When?"  
"When I asked you..."  
"I've been asleep this whole..." Legolas paused as he realized what they had done. "So what ARE you doing?"  
"Racing...I suppose you aren't going to let us use Arod anymore."  
"You can, as long as I can race with you!"  
"You serious?"  
"Yeah!"  
"You wanna interact with us...of your own free will?!"  
"Yeah!"  
"Um, okay..."  
"Yay! So who am I racing?"  
"ME!" MC volunteered. TC quickly grabbed Legagorn's reins and blocked MC from mounting him. "What are you doing?"  
"I'm not sure which of you I'd rather have ride him."  
"I really doubt he cares."  
"He just might! Stand right there!" TC pointed to a spot about seven feet away. MC movied. "Legolas, you stand there." She pointed to a spot seven feet away, but in the other direction. Legolas moved. "No, about a quarter inch to the right...No! Other way! Yeah, right there."  
"What's the point of this?" MC demanded.  
TC muttered something in Legagorn's ear. He looked back and forth from MC to Legolas. He finally walked towards Legolas.  
"Ok, Legolas rides him."  
"That doesn't make any sense! His feet will drag on the ground!"  
"Sorry," TC shrugged. "Legagorn's choice, not mine."  
"Whatever." MC mounted up onto Arod, with help. Legolas easily mounted Legagorn. His feet came dangerously close the to ground, but not quite there.  
Pippin decided to start the race again. "Ready...set...GO!" MC and Legolas shot off, galloping towards the tree. They fared the turn better than TC and Merry had. However, as they were coming back, Legagorn began slowing down until he reached a halt. MC began screaming victoriously, Legolas was kicking Legagorn as hard as possible.  
"COME ON LEGAGORN!" TC screamed, as if she were beckoning a dog. They then realized that Legagorn was peeing. Though he was in the middle of his business, his master's call encouraged him on. He took off...still pissing.  
"Wow," Pippin said. "I've never seen ANYTHING piss and run at the same time before."  
"Piss and run..." TC repeated, laughing quietly.  
"Don't start!" Merry said sharply.  
Despite Legagorn's efforts, MC and Arod still won. Merry hugged MC and congratulated her as soon as she dismounted. The races continued until the sun began rising, as did the people. Aragorn was the first up.  
"Have you guys been doing this all night?" he asked.  
"Yeah." Legolas replied nonchalantly.  
Aragorn hadn't noticed the elf before, this surprised him. "You were in on it?!"  
"Yeah."  
"WHY?!"  
"It's fun! Have you ever raced on a warg before?"  
"No...and I'd rather not."  
"Whatever. Dude, these guys are so cool!"  
"By 'these guys' I hope you're referring to Theoden's men."  
"Well, they're cool, but I was referring to the hobbits."  
"Um, are you feeling alright?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine...why?"  
"These are the same creatures that have made this whole journey MISERABLE!"  
"We're right here you know!" MC reminded them.  
"So?"  
"That's mean!" Legolas defended his new found friends.  
"You are in no shape to travel."  
  
An hour later they were back on the road, Legolas had convinced Aragorn he was indeed fit to travel, though Aragorn was suspicious of the hobbits. He couldn't figure out why Legolas was suddenly their friend...maybe they hypnotised him! He looked over to find Legolas chatting happily with the hobbits. MC and Merry riding with him on Arod, TC and Pippin on Legagorn.  
  
"You really should change his name." Legolas said, referring to Legagorn.  
"Yeah, you're right...but I don't know what to change it to..."  
"Strider!" MC suggested.  
"Yeah!" TC again muttered something to Legagorn, now known as Strider.  
"Look!" Gandalf yelled. "Isengard is in view."  
Everyone looked ahead and saw the tower of Orthanc, and a large pit. They all quickened their pace. When they reached their destination, two of the hobbits were quarreling. Merry and Pippin. Gandalf yelled at them to cease, but they ignored him. He yelled several times but grew irritated at them ignoring him.  
"PEREGRIN TOOK AND MERIADOC BRANDYBUCK!" Gandalf shouted, his voice magnified by about five times.  
"Great! You've got us in trouble with Gandalf now!" Pippin hissed to Merry.  
"SILENCE!" Gandalf aimed his staff at the two hobbits in an attempt to silence them...but something went wrong. They all watched in horror as Merry and Pippin grew. They grew almost to the height of the tower of Orthanc.  
"Gandalf, WHAT did you do?!" Aragorn yelled. "They were bad enough when they were three feet tall, now they're...a lot taller than any of us!"  
Gandalf was staring in horror at the hobbits, who were just as mortified. "At least it wasn't the other two..."  
"So how do we get them back to normal size?"  
"Um..."  
"You don't know?!"  
"I don't even know how I got them that large!"  
"I do!" TC yelled. "You pointed your big stick at them and yelled 'silence!'"  
"I have an idea!" Legolas said happily. "We can use them to destroy Isengard! THEN we figure out how to make them normal again."  
"How will we get them to destroy Isengard?" Gandalf inquired, liking Legolas's idea.  
"Well, we hide MC and tell Merry that she is somewhere in Isengard and he must find her..."  
"He's not stupid enough to believe that!"  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes! Maybe MC really WILL have to go into Isengard..."  
"Couldn't I...die, in there?" MC asked, nervously.  
"Well you might get crushed by Merry's foot but I don't think the orcs will come near you once they see Merry."  
"Okay...I guess I could do it..."  
"Okay. Now how should we get Pippin involved in this?"  
"Mushrooms!" TC said, grinning at her "brilliance".  
"What?"  
TC looked a bit dissappointed. "Tell him mushrooms are in there..."  
"Oh! Okay, sure we could do that."  
"Wish me luck." MC muttered and headed into Isengard. Merry needed no encouragement and began following her.  
"Peregrin!" Gandalf yelled. The hobbit looked up (not quite used to being taller than everyone) then looked down. "There are mushrooms in there!" That was all the explanation needed for Pippin. He quickly ran into Isengard. MC was running around, Merry following her. She would hide behind rocks, and he would pick them up and toss them aside. Any orcs that were out there were crushed by flying rocks or enormous feet.  
Pippin was running madly around, also throwing rocks, in search of mushrooms. Gandalf and the others quickly saw it was a mistake telling him there were mushrooms in there. They didn't want to think about what they would do with a giant, angry hobbit.  
Merry and Pippin had done a sufficient job of tearing Isengard apart. Merry caught MC and picked her up, as Pippin threw another rock. This rock hit the dam, and the river quickly crashed through.  
"RUN! RUN!" MC was screaming. Merry quickly ran back towards the group, Pippin following, not so happy about not getting any mushrooms out of it.  
"Good job!" Gandalf said happily. "Now...about getting you back to your normal size..."  
  
  
PS- I hope you like this chapter, and for those of you who don't know what cutting is, im not referring to like, with scissors. It is when you're on a horse and there is a herd of cattle and you have to cut one of the cows or bulls or whatever out of the herd and keep it out of the herd...I think i explained that right. 


	13. Squirrels and a Palantir

A/N: I know they probably didnt have sleeping bags in the time of M.E, but they do in this story...please r&r! thank you!  
~TC  
  
~*~*~  
  
"How exactly will we accomplish that?" Aragorn asked.  
"If I knew how I'd originally done it, it'd be easier to reverse." Gandalf answered, observing the giant hobbits. "I guess we'll have to wait until the spell wears off."  
"How long will that take?"  
"There's no telling how long."  
"That's just great."  
"Well, while you guys wait, I will go talk to Saruman." Gandalf told them and walked into Isengard to the base of Orthanc. Saruman was looking down out of the tower, seemingly confused. They began yelling back and forth at each other.  
No one noticed, but Merry and Pippin had been gradually reducing in size ever since they'd been enlarged. Now they were a couple inches taller than Aragorn.  
"Hey look! Squirrels!" MC yelled. "They're so cu--ew!"  
"What?" TC looked over. "HOLY CRAP! DISMOUNT!" she yelled, but the squirrels paid her no attention. "How can they do that on the side of the tree?"  
Legolas looked over. "Oh dear Lord! That's just not right!" he paused and looked closer. "THEY'RE VIBRATING!"  
"That's something I could have done with out." Pippin commented. Something flew out of Orthanc. "What's that?" Pippin walked over to it and picked it up, it was a ball of some sort.  
"NO!" Gandalf yelled, noticing this, and ran over and grabbed it from Pippin, now only five foot eight.  
  
"I miss being tall." Merry sniffed sadly as they were heading back to Helm's Deep.  
"So do I." MC said. Merry and Pippin shot her confused looks.  
"What are you talking about?" Pippin asked.  
"We used to be hum--oh, nevermind."  
"You know I almost forgot about that." TC said.  
"I'm not surprised, you didn't change that much." MC teased. TC shot her a glare.  
  
"Hold on Legolas," Liko yelled, somewhat confused. "You actually LIKE the hobbits?!"  
"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" Legolas replied, not understanding why people couldn't accept that he was friends with the hobbits.  
"In Helm's Deep you referred to them as Satan's four closest friends!"  
"That was before my hair was back to normal." Legolas grinned. "If my hair didn't grow so fast, they'd be chilling with Satan as we speak!"  
"Can I brush your hair?"  
"Um...sure...when we stop."  
  
"Oh my gosh Legolas! How long has it been since you've brushed your hair?" Liko screamed, yanking at the brush that was lodged in Legolas's hair. It was evening, and they'd all stopped to make camp.  
"Ow! You're hurting me!" Legolas whined, trying to get away. At that moment, the brush snapped in half.  
"Thanks a lot! You broke my best brush!"  
"Well I haven't needed a brush since Lothlorien, and I lost all the brushes that I'd brought with me."  
"BrushES?" Liko emphasized the "es."  
"Yeah..."  
"How many?"  
"Um..four."  
"FOUR!? Good God! I only brought one...and I'm a girl!"  
"But your one brush just broke. You should have brought backups like me!"  
"For one, you LOST all your backups, and I wasn't counting on breaking my brush in someone's hair!"  
  
"MC please stop that!" TC said to her friend, who was humming "Baby One More Time." MC did not listen to TC. "MC, seriously!" TC's voice was a little firmer this time. MC continued to hum. TC decided to ignore her, she'd eventually have to stop. She was wrong.  
"MC, really, stop!" Pippin told her. She didn't listen to him either. Pippin noticed that TC's eyes were unnaturally large, and she was rocking a bit. (The four hobbits were each sitting on a sleeping bag, around their own separate campfire. The rest of the group decided they didn't want to mingle with the hobbits. Aragorn had been sent [or sacraficed, as he put it] to make sure the hobbits didn't light each other on fire or something, so he was sitting there too.).  
"MC STOP IT!" TC screamed. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST STOP!" MC once again ignored TC.  
Everyone (and I do mean everyone) who was there turned to see what was going on. Aragorn decided that now might be a good time to jump in. "MC, seriously,cut it out!" Amazingly, MC listened to him. Everyone diverted their attention elsewhere.  
Five seconds later, MC began softly humming "The Song That Never Ends," so only TC could hear.  
"STOP!" TC screamed, covering her ears. MC did. TC cautiously lowered her hands--silence! So she thought. "SHUT UP!" she suddenly screeched. The other four looked at her, startled. "STOP HUMMING!"  
"I'm not humming." MC said, truthfully.  
"LIAR! YOU *ARE* HUMMING AND YOU BETTER STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"  
"TC, she isn't humming." Aragorn said, getting a little worried.  
TC didn't believe him, she continued to scream.  
"TC, quiet down!"  
"I AM BEING QUIET!" TC screamed so loudly (and ironically) Aragorn fell back with surprise. TC kept yelling at MC to stop humming (even though MC had long since ceased), and then flung herself down on the ground (she had been sitting up) and began convulsing. Aragorn went over to her and tried to calm her down, to no avail.  
Everyone was, once again, looking over. It was no longer possible to tell what exactly TC was screaming about, she got so frantic her words slurred. So, with her screaming and convulsing on the ground, and Aragorn hovering over her, it didn't make Aragorn look too good at that exact moment.  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HER?" One of the people in the other group screamed. Aragorn shot them a frustrated look, but said nothing to them.  
"Pippin, do something!"  
"Why me?!"  
"She likes you! And we all assume you like her as well."  
Pippin blushed a bit at this. "What do you want me to do?"  
"Anything."  
"Fine." Pippin said, not-so-reluctantly, and walked over to TC (her feet coming dangerously close to his manhood a couple times). He hesitated for a second, as if deciding what to do, then grabbed TC's head and kissed her right on the lips. TC quickly ceased her convulsing, and began returning Pippin's favor. After a couple seconds, the departed and sat up. TC was looking incredibly happy, as was Pippin.  
  
"Pippin, what are you doing?" TC whispered. It was either very late, or very early. Pippin had gotten up, and TC, being a light sleeper, though not in the same sleeping bag as him, woke up at the movement.  
"I have to see that ball-thing that Gandalf took from me!" Pippin whispered back.  
"What?"  
"You know, that thing that flew out of the tower, that I grabbed, but Gandalf yelled at me and took it."  
"I'm assuming there's a reason to why he did that!"  
"But I HAVE to see what that thing is!"  
"Why?"  
"I don't know…it just…"  
"I don't think that's a good idea!"  
"Since when have YOU been the judge of what's a good idea or not?"  
TC was taken aback at this remark. "Well you haven't always been a great judge of that yourself!"  
"Exactly!"  
"Huh?"  
"That'll be my excuse if Gandalf catches me."  
"Fine! But I'm coming with you!"  
"Okay, but you have to be quiet!" Pippin hissed. TC nodded to show that she understood (though Pippin doubted that she did). The two hobbits slowly crept over to where Gandalf was sleeping, the ball in a cloth, in his arms. Pippin grabbed a nearby rock and wrapped it in a rag he'd brought with him. TC refused to help him.  
Pippin quickly, but carefully, replaced the ball with the rock and ran off to a secluded area. TC followed him.  
They sat down, and Pippin unwrapped his treasure. He and TC both looked at it, but TC's attention quickly drew to some rabbits elsewhere, while Pippin continued to look into the Palantir, unable to look away.  
  
"LEGOLAS!" TC screamed, later that morning, before the sun had risen. She knew Gandalf or Aragorn would actually be able to help this situation better...but she wasn't too fond of either of them.  
Legolas, Aragorn, Gandalf, Merry, and MC all came running over. "Is he...dead?" She guestured to Pippin, who was laying on the ground, his eyes open, but kind of glazed over. He was holding the glass ball.  
"The Palantir..."Gandalf muttered. "I was afraid this would happen."  
"What?!"  
"TC, what happened?"  
"Um..."  
"WHAT HAPPENED?"  
TC began speaking incredibly fast. "Pippin got up and I woke up and we snuck over to where you were--and I told him it was a bad idea--and he replaced that thing with a rock then he took it over here and we looked at it but I got bored and looked at the rabbits that were reproducing over there and when I looked back he was...like that."  
Gandalf bent down over Pippin, and gently nudged him. Pippin snapped out of his trance and began screaming.  
"Not again..." MC muttered.  
"Peregrin!" Gandalf said. "Peregrin! Calm down!" Pippin calmed down, after a while, and then described to them what he saw.  
"I tried to look away...but I couldn't..." Pippin finished, still rather upset.  
"We'll have to leave for Minas Tirith immediately. Just me and Pippin." Gandalf quickly grabbed Pippin and pulled him up.  
"I have to come to!" TC cried.  
"You'll have to leave Legagorn behind."  
"Fine...but his name is Strider now."  
"Hey!" Aragorn yelled, offended.  
"Come on! We must hurry. Aragorn, you must take the Palantir, you and all the others must go to Helm's Deep." Gandalf commanded, leading TC and Pippin to Shadowfax. All three of them mounted, and Shadowfax took off.  
"We must go to Helm's Deep now!" Aragorn yelled to Theoden and his men. They slowly woke up and got their mounts ready.  
"You two, ride Strider." Legolas said to Merry and MC. Soon everyone was mounted on whatever they were riding and were off to Helm's Deep. 


	14. Minas Tirith

AN: No, I do not like *NSync..or Britney Spears...or any other pop singers that may be mentioned. I was just using their songs because they are sooo annoying, in my opinion. and I am so sorry about how long it took to post this chapter, but im trying to get the events accurate. BTW, at this point...if 4 sum reason any of yall have any ideas feel free to share them!  
  
~*~*~  
  
TC and Pippin peered out from under Gandalf's cloak. TC was sandwiched in between Gandalf and Pippin. TC was only happy because this meant she could hold on to Pippin (even though she didn't need to. She could let go and easily stay on, but she didn't want to let go), but she wasn't thrilled about having to touch Gandalf. That feeling was mutual.  
"It's really quiet!" She blurted, quite loudly.  
"Yes, that generally happens at night." Gandalf said, somewhat annoyed.  
"You hate the silence, don't you, TC?" Pippin asked.  
"Yeah." TC replied. Silence followed, quickly inturrupeted by TC's...er, *attempt* to sing (very loudly). "I'M DOING THIS TONIGHT, YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA START A FIGHT, I KNOW THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT...BYE BYE BYE! DON'T WANNA BE A FOOL FOR YOU! JUST ANOTHER PLAYER--" TC was silenced by Gandalf shoving his hand over her mouth, nearly smothering her.  
"Honestly TC, I don't think that was--DON'T LICK ME!" Gandalf's hand was immediately removed from TC's face. Pippin laughed.  
TC found a new, possibly more annoying, song to sing. "THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS! IT JUST GOES ON AND ON MY FRIEND! SOME PEOPLE STARTED SINGING IT NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS AND THEY'LL CONTINUE SINGING IT FOREVER JUST BECAUSE THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS!..." After about five repitions of this, Pippin caught onto the words, and began singing, or shouting, with her. Their voices were not harmonic.  
"Is this REALLY neccessary?" Gandalf asked, but did not recieve an answer, because the two hobbits could not, or would not, stop singing.  
Eventually (as long as eventually gets) they fell asleep. TC fell asleep with her head on Pippin's shoulder. She woke up and discovered this, Pippin was still asleep. TC decided to play possum until he woke.  
  
After several days they reached Minas Tirith. After they dismounted, in the city, TC immediately found the nearest mud puddle and jumped in it. It was rather large, and she managed to jump high, so naturally, everyone around her was covered in mud as well. The offended people looked angrily at Gandalf, who had a firm grip on Pippin (who wanted to join TC).  
"Do you know her?" A particularly muddy person asked, assuming Gandalf did, considering he was with another halfling.  
"No!" Gandalf quickly replied.  
"Really? Because she seems to be a halfling, like the one you've got."  
"Maybe she's a native."  
"They don't inhabit these lands."  
"Must be a coincidence."  
"What are you talking about Gandalf?" Pippin asked. "That's TC! We rode with her from Isengard! She's been on this whole...trip!"  
"Thanks a lot Pippin." Gandalf said sarcastically. He walked over to where TC was standing, seeming fascinated at how the mud dried on her feet, Pippin following. He grabbed TC by the back of her neck and began dragging her wherever he was going.  
"Where are we going?" Pippin asked.  
"We are going to meet Denethor, the Steward of Gondor. He was Boromir's father." Gandalf halted, and looked at TC thoughtfully for a moment. "I'm not sure which would be more dangerous," he finally said to her, "taking you to meet Denethor, or leaving you out here alone..."  
"I can stay out here with her!" Pippin said eagerly.  
"That might turn out worse...besides, I need at least one of you to tell Denethor of Boromir's death, I assume he'll want to know about it."  
"I can help Pippin tell the story!"   
Gandalf had an uncertain look on his face, but agreed. He only agreed because he had an odd fear that TC might set the houses on fire...or some other thing like that.  
  
"...and Boromir swung his sword and decapitated THREE orcs at ONE TIME! And he drew his sword back and as he did he stabbed another orc right in the face! But then, they took his sword from him and threw it far far away so he started fist fighting them and was able to knock a bunch of them out! And he grabbed two of the unconsious orc's swords and began fighting with BOTH HANDS at once! He was so brave! Then the orcs shot him with an arrow and he kept on fighting and they shot him again, and again, and again! But he kept on fighting! Then they lit him on fire, and then cut his charred remains into little pieces and threw them into the river--"  
"TC! THAT'S NOT HOW IT HAPPENED!" Pippin finally inturrupted TC's totally wrong narration of Boromir's death. They were in front of Denethor, who was looking at Gandalf with a disturbed look. Gandalf was looking mortified. "You weren't even there to see how it happened!"  
TC looked down for a minute, as if thinking. "Oh yeah..."  
Pippin sighed and rolled his eyes at the same time. "ANYWAYS, this is how it REALLY happened." Pippin went on to tell the REAL tale of Boromir's death. Denethor seemed to like Pippin's version a bit better.  
"Thank you for telling me of Boromir's demise." Denethor said gratefully.  
"If there is any way I may offer my sword to you, I will." Pippin told him.  
"I would be grateful of your services." With that, Denethor swore Peregrin Took in to service for Minas Tirith.  
"Okay..." Gandalf said. "Denethor and I have some private business to attend to, so you two, why don't you go check on Shadowfax for me, then explore the city?" At the two hobbits' unusually happy looks, Gandalf knew he'd regret that. It was too late for him to take back what he said, as they ran out the door before he got the chance.  
  
"So, what did Gandalf say he wanted us to do?" TC asked, knowing what he had asked of them, but wanting to go straight to the exploring part. Pippin caught on to this.  
"You know, I forgot...I guess we should just skip it and go exploring!"  
"I guess you're right." The two hobbits began walking down the street, against the current of people already walking. TC "tripped" over her large feet, consequently, falling flat on her face. Pippin was going to help her, but someone tripped over TC, also falling on their face. Another person, staring up at the sky, also tripped over them. This happened several times until there was about six full sized humans on top of TC. Pippin jumped on top of the pile for good measure.   
The people, however, weren't thrilled about this, and pushed Pippin off. The first one who'd fallen had a bloody nose. As the others went about their business,TC rolled over onto her back.  
"That worked quite well, don't you think?" she asked.   
"Definitely!" Pippin agreed, enthusiastically. He offered his hand to TC, to help her up. She grabbed his hand and pulled him down on top of her. Right there, in the middle of the streets, they began kissing. People occassionally tripped over the two, but the hobbits didn't mind. Either that, or they didn't even notice.   
A few minutes later, someone pulled Pippin up, then pulled TC up as well. "I'm assuming you are Peregrin Took?" the man asked Pippin, who nodded. "I'm Beregond. I was told you were sworn into service."  
"Yes." Pippin replied.  
"I'm going to tell you the passwords of the city, and everything else you wish to know. And I, in turn, shall learn of you."  
"Cool, but Gandalf wanted us to check on Shadowfax."  
"Very well. We shall go do that now, then we'll go eat, for you must be hungry."  
"SWEET!" TC yelled, a bit louder than neccessary.  
Beregond looked at TC in disgust. "Does she have to come?"  
"Well no, but I wouldn't suggest leaving her alone. When left to her own devices for entertainment, it can be quite frightening...to those who don't know her."  
"Great." Beregond said sarcastically and began leading them to the stables.  
  
"Hey Shadowfax!" Pippin said happily when they reached the stables. The horse looked over and neighed happily.  
"As you can see, he is very well housed." Beregond told Pippin as he filled Shadowfax's manger with more hay. Right as he came out of the stall, he got hit with a large ball of manure. Gritting his teeth, he looked up to see TC on the other side of the barn's aisle, smiling innocently.  
"TC!" Pippin scolded. "We just met him!"  
"That's never mattered before." TC defended herself.  
"Good point." Pippin shrugged at Beregond (who was very angry). "Sucks to be you I guess." Beregond continued to glare at TC, and led them to the eating area. 


	15. More Minas Tirith

A/N: sorry that these chaps are taking a little longer. And I am going by order of the book, so dont worry! Im not cutting out MC and Merry! theyre still in the story! once again, reviews are greatly appreciated! thanx  
~TC  
Ps-sum of this stuff is probly taken directly from the book i tried not to do that...i tried to change it a bit. Er...sorry if this isnt too funny. Im having a hard time with it. If any of yall have any ideas...they r welcome lol.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"There is no way you guys can still be hungry." Beregond said, in amazement. TC and Pippin were sitting at the table, with at least ten emptied plates in front of them--each. They nodded sheepishly at Beregond. "How is that possible? You're like, half my size, but you eat twice as much--if not more!"  
"Well, we're hobbits." Pippin replied, as if that explained everything.  
Beregond looked at them, half amazed, half disturbed. "NO! No more food! You're done! You've BEEN done!"  
"Come ON!" TC whined.  
"NO!"  
A shadow then passed over the sun, and both hobbits fell off their stools. Beregond leaned against the table.  
"You felt it as well?" he asked when they came to his side of the table. They nodded. "A fell rider on the air." he told them. The shadow passed.  
  
Beregond took Pippin (and, unwillingly, TC) with him, and made sure all of the Third Company people knew him. Many rumours of the hobbits had circulated. They had been hopeful rumours.  
One look at TC confirmed they were indeed, only rumours. While Pippin was decent looking, and could have been a hobbit-warrior, TC was most definitely NOT.  
Other than the fact that she was female, even the men that didn't know her could tell she was out of her mind. Her hair was standing totally on end. She was almost completely covered in mud. And she constantly seemed to be muttering to herself.  
  
"What are you doing?" Pippin asked TC. Pippin was sitting down and Beregond was next to him. TC was in the middle of the street, swordfighting. The odd part was--she had no opponent. She sent him a quick glare, then quickly mimicked blocking a blow.  
"Dude, were her parents...okay?" Beregond asked.  
"Hey! That's mean!" Pippin slapped Beregond's upper arm. Beregond shot Pippin a confused look.  
"Fine! If you guys are going to talk like that, I'll stop!" TC sheathed her sword and began walking towards the two. "I was just practicing, and no one would practice with me."  
"You can't blame them" Beregond muttered, then rose. "Well, I have to go for now. If you feel the need for...uh...OTHER company, or want a guide around the city, my son would be glad to do it. Just go to the lowest circle and ask directions to the Old Guesthouse in the Rath Celerdain." Beregond then headed off.  
Pippin decided to take Beregond's offer. He and TC headed down to the lowest circle, and got directions to the Guesthouse. When they got there, a boy ran up to them.  
"Hi, I'm Bergil, son of Beregond." Bergil greeted, looking the strangers up and down. "Who, what, and how old are you?"  
"I'm Peregrin Took, but you can call me Pippin. I'm twenty-nine, and I'm a hobbit from the Shire."  
"And I'm TC! I'm fifteen and I'm a human from the United States." At Bergil and Pippin's blank stares, TC corrected herself. "Um, I mean, a hobbit from the Shire."  
"We know your father!" Pippin stated.  
"Oh really? And did he have a message for me?"  
"Just that he wants you to show us around the city."  
"Cool! Let's go to the gate!"  
"Why?"  
"We're expecting Captains of the Outlands come sundown."  
"What?" TC asked, only to be ignored. Pippin and Bergil conversed with each other. TC, to entertain herself, began singing quietly.  
  
  
Bergil thought Pippin was pretty cool. Though, he wasn't too sure about TC. He'd heard her mutter sensless things, like, "Where did you go...where did you hide?" and "try to take it back" and "wait for tomorrow." He had no clue what she was talking about...but he assumed it couldn't be too good.  
  
They reached the gate. Pippin spoke the password to the guard, and all three got through. TC, in the lead, shoved people aside on their way to the front of the crowd. Even though she was rather small, she was incredibly pushy.  
"Old Forlong has come!" Bergil informed them. They saw a large man on a large horse in the front, followed by a lot of marching men. However, there weren't as many as were needed.  
A trumpet sounded and Bergil took off, commanding the hobbits to follow him. TC went unwillingly--she didn't like to run OR to take orders, but when he said the gate was closing she decided to give in, just this once.  
  
Once in the city, Bergil had to depart from them. Pippin and TC went to the citadel. They sat by Beregond during mess. TC was informed once Pippin was assigned to a company, she would no longer be allowed to follow Pippin around. She'd be left to her own devices. In other words--they were setting her loose about the city, alone.  
It was hard to get back to their lodgings. Not because all of the outside lights were off, both hobbits could see just fine in the dark. It was because TC insisted she knew the way and she should lead. Naturally, they got incredibly lost. Pippin wished he hadn't let TC navigate.  
  
When they finally got back to the lodgings...about an hour later, Gandalf wasn't there.  
  
In the middle of the night, they woke up to the sound of Gandalf pacing.  
"Hey!" Pippin greeted.  
"You two should go back to sleep." Gandalf told them sternly. "Pippin, you will come with me to Lord Denethor when the summons arrive--there will be no dawn...for the Darkness has begun."  
"What am I to do when both of you are away?" TC asked, surprised at her use of older-times grammar than she was used to.  
Gandalf gulped, and a look of fear came upon his face. He'd hoped he'd never say anything like this. "TC, you shall have to entertain yourself in the city."  
  
~*~*~  
  
A/n: U like? I hope so. Not the best chapter I know, and MC and Merry will be in the next chapter, don't worry! The lyrics TC was singing, or muttering were from "My Precious" by Lifehouse. I figured it'd be a fitting song to incorporate into a LOTR story lol. 


	16. Poison Ivy and Mushrooms

A/N: okay, i know Legolas, being an elf, would probably NOT be allergic to poison ivy...but in my story, he is! lol. and i may have said in previous chapters that these guys are goin 2 Edoras..but i think they are actually going to Helm's Deep. So thats why its different in this chapter than a previous one and ill fix that at some point.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Aragorn, what's this?" Merry asked, walking back from the woods. They had to stop because Merry had to pee. Actually, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Merry, and MC had to stop. Theoden and his men continued on.  
"Which one?" Aragorn inquired. Merry had two things in his hands. "In your right hand is a mushroom." Merry rolled his eyes, he'd known that. "In your left hand...hm, I can't remember what that one is. I know it's something of importance...let's see, three leaves..." Aragorn thought for a moment.  
MC walked over and grabbed the plant from Merry and examined it. She dropped it, when realization hit her. Aragorn didn't see why she did that, and picked the plant up. "Guys, thats pois--"  
"Maybe I can tell." Legolas walked over and took the plant from Aragorn.  
"Guys, that's not some--"  
"I know I've dealt with it in some way before." Aragorn rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  
"YOU GUYS!" MC said loudly, attempting, and failing, to get their attention. Legolas brought the plant up to his nose to smell it. Strider snorted, startling Legolas, causing him to shove the plant right into his nose. Then realization hit him, he dropped the plant, intentionally. Aragorn was scratching his head, deep in thought.  
"YOU GUYS! I KNOW WHAT IT IS! TC DEALS WITH IT ALL THE TIME! IT'S POISON IVY!"  
Aragorn froze, his eyes widened in horror.  
"Good news is, you only get it if you're allergic to it." MC informed them. Aragorn and Legolas sighed in relief. "Bad news, 98% of the population is allergic."  
"What's poison ivy?" Merry asked, cluelessly.  
"A horrible thing." Aragorn told him.  
"How long is it going to take to get to Helm's Deep?"Legolas asked.  
"About a day."  
"Great..."  
"It can take up to fourteen days for the reaction to happen." MC stated. Legolas and Aragorn looked a little relieved. Then MC delivered more bad news. "Of course, it can react right away as well."  
"Hey! There's a stream right there! We can just wash it off!" Merry pointed out excitedly. MC shook her head.   
"Nope. You'd need soap, or some other cleaning agent to get poison ivy's chemicals off your skin."  
"You're having fun telling us all this bad stuff, aren't you?" Aragorn asked, glaring. MC nodded. "I don't see why you're so happy about it though, you touched it too you know!" This destroyed MC's joy.  
  
"Ha ha! You guys got it and I didn't!" Gimli taunted, staring at his four companions. It was the next day, and the poison ivy's reaction had set in, for all of them. MC and Merry were least affected, and only had it on their hands. Legolas and Aragorn had it on their hands as well, but Legolas had it around and in his nose, and Aragorn had it on his scalp and chin.  
"I say we just leave him here!" Legolas stated, using all his self-control not to scratch. "This sucks! Elves should be immune to this kind of stuff! I mean, we are immortal." Legolas said this last part rather boastfully.  
"Yeah yeah, you don't have to rub it in!" Aragorn snapped.  
"My, aren't we grouchy?" Gimli teased happily.  
"None of is got ANY sleep last night!" MC told him testily.  
"Dude...Merry, are you feeling okay? You don't look so good." Aragorn asked, eyeing the rather sick looking hobbit. Merry shook his head, then quickly ran over to a bush. Puking could be heard. Then he walked back.  
"Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that mushroom yesterday..."  
"Maybe you should sleep." MC suggested.  
"I can't."  
"Well, don't complain, because this is ALL YOUR FAULT!" Legolas yelled.  
"Don't yell at him!" MC retorted.  
"I'LL YELL AT WHOEVER I VERY WELL PLEASE!"  
"SO YELL AT ARAGORN!"  
"NO!"  
"YES!"  
"I WILL NOT! THIS IS ALL MERRY'S FAULT!"  
"DIE!" MC flew at Legolas, who stepped aside, and Aragorn was standing right behind him, examining his hands. Needless to say, the unsuspecting ranger got tackled. MC got even more pissed off at the Elf and successfully tackled him. Aragorn was mad at MC and eagerly joined the fight. Gimli just relaxed against a boulder and enjoyed the show.  
"You guys realize you are only spreading the poison ivy around more!" Merry said, only to be ignored as MC punched Aragorn in the face, which would later result in a black eye.  
"Um..guys?" Gimli said, also ignored. He looked behind him, at the trail they'd come down. He wondered if the fact that a large group of riders coming towards them might be something of importance. "Guys?!" He was, once again, ignored. It struck him how much that happened since they'd all set out from Rivendell. "HEY! GUYS! THERE ARE LIKE, THIRTY PEOPLE RIDING TOWARDS US! YOU MIGHT WANT TO STOP FIGHTING EACH OTHER AND GET READY TO FIGHT THEM!" Finally! Aragorn, Legolas and MC quickly stood up and brushed themselves off. None of them looked too...sane at the moment.  
"Who are you?" Legolas asked as the riders neared them.  
"I am Halbarad." The leader introduced, and jumped off his horse. "We are looking for one Aragorn, son of Arathorn."  
"That's me!" Aragorn said and stepped forward. He looked at the man closely. "HALBARAD! Wonderful to see you again!"  
"Same to you! I have brought thirty of my men! Er...what happened?!" Halbarad looked Aragorn up and down. Aside from the poison ivy and black eye, he had a bloody nose, and somehow, every hair on his head was standing on end.  
"Well...there are some hobbits travelling with us and they are...demonic, to say the least."  
"I didn't know it was poison ivy!" Merry said defensively, now standing next to Aragorn. Suddenly, he got a panicked look on his face, and before he could dash off to the bush, he puked...all over Aragorn. They all just stood there for a moment, their mouths hanging open.  
"Gross...." Legolas said, with a look of disgust.  
"You're telling me." Aragorn muttered, staring down at his feet, the most affected area.  
"Sorry." Merry told him weakly.  
"NO!" MC screamed, surprising everyone. "HE'S DYING! MERRY YOU CAN'T DIE! IF YOU SEE A BRIGHT LIGHT STAY AWAY!"  
"We should all stay away from Merry, he might be contagious." Legolas told them all.  
"No! We can't leave him alone! He'll die!"  
"He's not gonna die!"  
"He just barfed up his intestines or somthing!"  
"He did not! He just...barfed."  
"And he's gonna keep barfing and DIE!" MC wailed and went down on her knees, in hysterics.  
"We should get to Helm's Deep." Halbarad suggested.  
"Good idea." Aragorn agreed. "I guess, Merry, you'll ride on Hasufel with me."  
"No!" MC protested. "He has to ride with ME!"  
"Why?"  
"BECAUSE!"  
"Well too bad! We don't need two sick evil hobbits!"  
  
Several hours later, they had more than two sick hobbits. ALL of them were sick. Well, not all of Halbarad's men, but Halbarad, Aragorn, Legolas, both hobbits and Gimli were all sick to their stomach. They could not let their horses exceed a walk or they would vomit even more.  
"Merry..." Legolas groaned, but could not finish, for at that moment he leaned over his horse and spewed. "This...is all YOUR fault!"  
"We're almost to Helm's Deep!" Aragorn told them.  
"Good." Halbarad replied. "The sooner we get their the better, anyone who might be following us would be able to pick up our trail quite easily...what with all that barf everywhere."  
  
"You're here! Finally!" Theoden yelled as they rode in. Then he got a closer look. "My God! What happened."  
"Mushrooms...poison ivy..."Aragorn mumbled as he half dismounted, half fell off Hasufel, bringing Merry with him. They both puked at the same time, barely missing Theoden's feet. The King looked up and saw the rest of the company hadn't fared much better.  
"This is great." He said sarcastically. 


	17. Off to War

A/N: Hey yall, just like any author, i do like reviews. and i dont tend to post chapters until ive gotten at least a couple reviews on the last one posted. I know that my friends read the story, but if no one reviews, I don't know that anyone else is reading it, and I can just show it to my friends at school. So by reviewing, you let me know that you're still reading, and it is appreciated. thanks.  
~TC  
  
~*~*~  
  
During lunch, MC was sitting on one side of Merry, Theoden was sitting on his other.  
"One day I should like you to tell me about your people. One day after Sauron has been defeated." Theoden said to Merry. Merry smiled, flattered. "But for now, let's eat and drink as we may. After, you shall ride with me."  
Merry gasped in surprise. "Really? That'd be awesome!"  
"Yes, and I have a good pony for you as well. He can go as fast as any of the horses we'll be riding." Theoden then asked Eomer if they had any war gear that might fit Merry. Eomer shook his head.  
"I have a sword!" Merry quickly pulled his small sword out of it's sheath. Theoden thought for a moment he saw an evil glint in Merry's eye. Then Merry kneeled down in front of the king. "I offer my services to you in any way possible."  
"Me too!" MC jumped down and did as Merry had just done.  
"I will gladly accept Merry's service...but MC, I cannot accept yours."  
"Why not?" MC whined.  
"There are many reasons..." Theoden focused back on Merry. "Rise, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Esquire of Rohan, of the household of Meduseld!"  
"NO FAIR!" MC screamed and ran out of the hall, yelling something that sounded like "pucker." The people there couldn't figure out why she'd be yelling that though.  
"Maybe I should go check on her..." Merry suggested. Theoden nodded in agreement. Merry ran after MC.  
  
"MC!" Merry yelled, once the other hobbit was in sight.  
"I HATE BEING A GIRL!"MC yelled back. She stopped running and turned to face Merry.  
"I don't think that's the only reason Theoden wouldn't accept your services..."  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"Um...well...to some people--who don't know you--you might come off a little...wierd..."  
"YOU THINK I'M A FREAK!"  
"No! I think Theoden does..."  
MC began sobbing hysterically. "EVERYONE HATES ME!" Then she ran off to the stables.  
Theoden and the other people at that moment, came out of the mess hall. "We are riding out now. Er...where's MC?"  
Merry shrugged. "I don't think she's in a very good mood though."  
The king and Merry walked out to the gate, where Theoden mounted Snowmane. Merry met his mount, Stybba.  
Eomer, Aragorn and Halbarad then came out from the gate. Then MC rode out on Strider--looking very pissed. Legolas and Gimli also came out, walking.  
MC rode up to Merry. "I can't believe you were just gonna leave without telling me!"  
"Eh, you were bound to figure it out sometime."  
MC just snorted in reply.  
Eomer and Aragorn were conversing. "I was hoping you and I would ride into battle side by side, but if you think the Paths of the Dead are the way you should go, then so be it."  
"Yes." said Aragorn. "Farewell." Aragorn turned to Theoden. "Farewell King. Legolas and Gimli are travelling with me."  
"No! I wanna go!" MC cried. Aragorn's face lit up--in an evil way.  
"No way!" Legolas told her. Aragorn and MC both looked dissappointed. Legolas turned to Aragorn. "I wouldn't let you leave her on the Paths anyways!"  
"Fine!" Aragorn pouted. "I guess we should go then."  
The Riders set off.  
"Uh oh..."MC said.  
"What?" Theoden asked, dreading the answer.  
"I think I'm gonna barf..."  
"Again? Yesterday you guys barfed enough for this whole company!"  
"There's more to come up..."  
"Oh man..."  
"At least the poison ivy's cleared up." Merry optimized.  
  
"We have reached Harrowdale! Our journey is almost over!" Eomer announced happily.  
"Thank God!" MC shouted. "My butt is hurting like no other!"  
"Yes, because we ALL needed to hear that." Merry said sarcastically. They rode on, until they reached Dunharrow, where Theoden was greeted warmly.  
  
MC was wandering about Dunharrow, Merry was following at a distance (for some reason he thought this seemed a little familiar). However, MC made it clear they were NOT walking together.  
MC was staring up at something in the sky, therefor, not looking where she was going. As a result, she ran right into a statue, one of the Pukel-men (as the natives called them). When this happened, something inside MC snapped. She began pounding the statue and screaming at it.   
"You f#$%!@* b@$#!%*!!! You're in my way you a$$hole! DIE!" And with that, she drew her sword and began hacking at the thing. People passing by swore her eyes were red.  
"MC!" Merry yelled, running up to the enraged hobbit. "Don't do that!" He grabbed her arm as she was about to take another swing, and took her sword from her.  
MC whipped around to face Merry. She mutter something incoherent (probably more swearing) and tackled him. She then proceeded to grip Merry's neck and attempt to strangle him.  
"DIE JERK!" MC screamed, attracting even more attention. Eomer caught sight of these happenings and ran over to save Merry.  
"What is going on here?" Eomer demanded after pulling MC off of Merry.  
"SHE'S EVIL!" Merry screamed, backing away. Eomer then noticed the Pukel-man, and the fact that there was a large crack in the stomach. He rolled his eyes and then dragged MC over to where Theoden was sitting.  
"Theoden." Eomer said, holding MC out in front of him. "We need to do something with her. She destroyed a statue and attempted to kill Meriadoc."  
Theoden glared at MC. "Is this true?" he asked her. She just glared back.  
"I say we tie her up and leave her here when we leave tomorrow!"  
"No, that would be to cruel to the native people...I have an idea!"  
"What?"  
"Hold on a moment." Theoden walked over to where his extra clothes were. He grabbed one of his shirts and walked back to Eomer and MC. Quickly, Eomer and Theoden shoved the shirt on MC, so she was wearing it over her other shirt. "Good! The sleeves are way too long!" Theoden declared joyously.  
"What are you doing?" MC demanded, rather confused. Theoden did not answer, but instead, he grabbed the ends of the sleeves and pulled them across MC's body and tied the ends together, very tightly, in back.  
"What'd you do that for?" MC screeched, becoming even more angry.  
"It's what you get for trying to strangle poor Meriadoc!" Eomer answered.  
Just then, a woman rode in.  
"Eowyn!" Theoden yelled happily. Eowyn jumped off her horse and quickly told him the news of his people. "I have a favor to ask you." Theoden said.  
"Anything."  
"Would you please look after her," Theoden guestured to MC, who was now sitting in a chair, pouting. "while we're at war? I think she's gone a bit mental."  
Eowyn stared at Theoden as if he too had gone mental. She did not want to baby-sit some psychotic hobbit.  
  
"Hey Eowyn!" MC whispered. It was the middle of the night, and they were in a tent.  
"What?" Eowyn replied, annoyed.  
"You wanna go to war, right?"  
"What?"  
"You wanna fight in the war!"  
"Yes, of course."  
"Well, so do I!"  
"Oh wonderful, we have something in common." Eowyn said sarcastically. "Now can I PLEASE go back to sleep?"  
"No! I have an idea on how both of us can go into battle!"  
  
The next morning, the sun did not rise. The group set off for Edoras.  
  
"Hey Merry!" Eowyn whispered. They had reached Edoras, and Theoden forced Merry to stay behind.  
"What?" Merry asked unhappily. He didn't recognize that it was Eowyn.  
"If you wanna ride with me, I can take you into battle.  
"You'd do that?"  
"Sure." Eowyn helped Merry onto her horse, Windfola, and under her cloak.  
"What's your name?"   
"Er...Dernhelm."  
"Hello Merry." an evil voice whispered from in between him and the rider. Merry turned to look at who it was. His eyes widened in terror.  
"Um...hi MC..."  
a/n: Hope u liked it. :) again, please review, thanks 


	18. Of Flirting and Food Fights

A/N: Sorry its taken a while to update...I've been insanely busy lately: Golf, forensics, school, work, 4-h, and horse-back riding. Plus insomnia, I've been sick this past week because of being so tired...so please forgive me for how long it took to update. Once again, reviews are greatly appreciated, thanx  
~TC  
  
~*~*~  
  
TC sighed as she left the building they were staying in. Gandalf and Pippin had already left--without waking her. Right now, TC's main concern had nothing to do with that, or the fact that the sun hadn't risen that morning. She was just worried about how she was going to keep herself busy. TC had no idea when Pippin would be back. She decided to head for the stables. Shadowfax deserved a visit...and maybe even some excercise. Gandalf wouldn't have to know (though TC knew he'd find out some way or another).  
"Oh well." TC muttered to herself. "He should know better than to leave me to entertain myself." She thought for a moment, "Hm...maybe I can even get him to blame himself if I cause any damage!"  
TC reached the stable, and went to Shadowfax's stall. The stallion nickered in greeting.  
"Hey buddy!" TC said. "Want some excercise?" Shadowfax tossed his head. TC decided that would be a nod. After all, Shadowfax WAS a smart horse. The hobbit entered his stall, and managed to get on (after five minutes of TC struggling, Shadowfax went down on his front knees to make it easier for her).  
Shadowfax trotted out of the stables, and TC pondered of what to do. Then, an idea hit her. She had always wanted to jump. That was the one thing she hadn't concentrated on in riding.  
"YOU!" TC shouted, pointing to a man about five foot six. "Stand...THERE!" TC pointed to a spot directly in front of her. She did the same with about three other men of similar height, so they were facing her, standing side by side.  
"Okay, I am going to jump this horse over you." TC informed them. "I don't know how high he can jump, so one of you might get hit in the head with his hooves." All of the men froze in fear. "AND, I've never really jumped on horseback before." At this, the men all dispersed. "No! Get back in line!" TC was ignored, so she pulled out her sword. "ALL RIGHT! MOVE BACK IN THE LINE OR YOU WILL NOT LIVE TO SEE DAYLIGHT!" The men hesitated...after all, a hobbit couldn't possibly get all of them. Then TC added: "And trust me, this horse can move incredibly fast!" The men reformed the line. Several of them got down on their knees and began praying. "NO!" TC screamed, getting incredibly irritated.  
Finally, all of the men were standing upright. TC backed Shadowfax up a ways, keeping her sword raised threateningly. When she was about forty yards away, she signaled Shadowfax to gallop--straight at the men. Halfway there, it occured to her she should have sheathed her sword so she could hold on with both hands.  
"Guess it's too late for that." she muttered as Shadowfax soared over the men, unfortunately, a foot too low. His hooves hit a man in the head, knocking him out.  
"Uh oh!" TC said and kicked Shadowfax back into a gallop.  
After they'd gotten a good distance from the men--out of the line of vision and earshot--TC slowed the stallion to a walk so he could cool down a bit.  
TC sighed. "Let's see, what could I do now?" she wondered aloud. Shadowfax, obviously, could not answer. TC headed him to the stables, figuring he'd had sufficient excercise for the day.  
  
TC wandered through the mildly crowded streets. She still hadn't figured out what to do. Then, it hit her! She began looking around at the people around her until she spotted a guy she thought was hott. She ran up to him.  
"Hey there!" she greeted, giggling dorkily, on purpose. The man looked around, but could not see her. "Down here!" TC tugged on his shirt. The man looked down at her, and she smiled, in the dorkiest way she could. "Hi!"  
"Who are you?" the man asked her, remembering two others he met just like her.  
"I'm TC, a hobbit, of the Shire!" TC batted her eyelashes at him.  
"Yes I met two other halflings. I'm Faramir." Faramir extended his hand and they shook hands. "Well, nice to meet you but I must be off!" Faramir began walking off.  
"No! Wait!" TC shrieked. The man looked back at her, finding the hobbit looking quite panicked.  
"What?"  
TC suddenly became very melodramatic. "My best friend is off in Rohan...or somewhere...FAR AWAY! And my other friend is serving Denethor and...." TC paused to sniff sadly, looking like she was about to cry. "I just don't think I can handle being alone right now! If you leave...I'll just...DIE!" With that, TC fell to the ground dramatically, as if unconcious.  
"You have to be kidding me." The man said in disbelief. TC opened her eyes and gave him the most pitiful look she possibly could. "How about I take you to the mess hall? It's around lunch time...should be plenty of people there."  
"Fine." TC sighed, as if severely dissappointed. Faramir accompanied TC to the mess hall, where they departed. Faramir did not know the mistake he was making.  
  
TC sat down at an uninhabited corner of a table. She picked at her food with her fork. For once, she wasn't hungry. In playing with her food, she accidentally flung it across the room. The man she'd hit turned around and TC jumped down under the table in hiding. The man, obviously, could not see TC, and decided the pudding that had hit him had come from some other person in that general direction. He threw his apple core and hit another guy in the eye--knocking him off his seat. The man sitting next to him threw a corn cob, hitting some other unsuspecting guy. This escalated into a huge food fight. TC emerged and joined in--it reminded her of lunch at school.  
  
Pippin had been temporarily relieved of his duties, and headed to the mess hall. When he entered, he was greeted by mass hysteria. He didn't even need to ask how it had started.  
He hadn't been standing there for long when he got pelted in the chest by a (rather hard) biscuit. He looked over and saw TC smiling rather devilishly.  
TC grabbed her tray and used it as a shield as she ran over to Pippin.  
"Get down!" she ordered and they both jumped to the ground.  
"What is going on? We already have ONE war going on here, in case you hadn't noticed!" Pippin hissed.  
"It's just a slight misunderstanding." TC was still holding the tray above her head as a shield.  
"Slight?"  
Suddenly, all the chaos stopped. Everyone heard the ear-splitting shrieks. TC and Pippin covered their ears. They crawled over to the window and saw five of the black riders--with their new mounts. They were awful winged reptilious creatures.  
"Holy crap!" TC yelled. "We are SO screwed!"  
"No kidding." Pippin agreed. Then he noticed five riders on horseback down by the black riders. "Who are they?"  
TC squinted to get a better look. "Hey! That's Faramir!"  
"Who?"  
"Some dude I met today...why is he down there?! He'll get killed!"  
At that moment, Gandalf came riding to them on Shadowfax and shot a lightning bolt out of his staff. The fell riders screeched and flew off. TC and Pippin rushed outside and pushed to the front of the crowd as Faramir and Gandalf passed by. Pippin yelled to Faramir.  
"Who are you?" Faramir asked. "You are not the first halfling I have seen in these parts."  
"Hey there!" TC called, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.  
"Oh no!" Faramir groaned, and grabbed Pippin gently by the arm. "Come with me! TC...STAY!"  
TC watched dejectedly as Faramir and Pippin and Gandalf all walked away. The rest of the crowd dispersed into buildings until TC was alone in the streets. She looked up and found that she really wasn't alone as she thought. One black rider remained in the sky above her.  
"Holy crap!" she screamed, again. The rider began saying something--in a different, evil-sounding language. Somehow, TC understood every word. She used to immensly fear these creatures--now she felt no fear.  
  
About an hour later Pippin finally returned. TC was standing in the exact same place she was when he left. She was in some sort of trance.  
"TC?" Pippin asked, walking up to her. At that, TC snapped out of her trance, and looked at Pippin darkly. He gasped in surprise, TC seemed to be shadowed by some sort of evil.  
TC quickly grabbed Pippin around the neck, very tightly. Pippin began gasping for the air TC was cutting off.  
"Where is the wizard Gandalf?" she demanded. Pippin just stared at her, wide-eyed, and shook his head. TC gave him a disgusted look and threw him down, then went off in search of the wizard. 


	19. Search and Destroy

A/N: Sry its so short, and not so humourous. I hope its stil good. plz review All the typos through chapter 18 have been fixed (except one, but im too lazy to go fix it)! and some content edited...but nothing drastic and nothing plot-altering. no more than one sentence...and only in 2 chapters.  
  
~*~*~  
  
TC drew her sword and went to the place they were staying. She lit a candle so she could see, and screeched in frustration when Gandalf was not there.   
Creak....TC whipped around holding her sword defensively in front of her. Pippin was standing in the doorway.  
"What are you doing?" Pippin asked hesitantly. TC looked downright demonic from the way the shadows hit her face in the dimly lit room.  
"Where is the wizard?" TC hissed forcively.  
"He's not here!"  
"That's why I'm asking where he is!" TC began to advance towards Pippin.  
"Well I don't know!"  
"Liar!" TC drew her right hand back and slapped Pippin across the face. Pippin was too surprised to do anything but stare at her in confusion, his jaw hanging open.  
Finally, he spoke. "What happened?" TC did not reply, she simply pushed by him and stormed out of the building.  
TC ran through the city. She didn't know why, but she felt compelled to leave. She pushed by the guards at the gate and just ran.  
  
The next day an army of orcs advanced upon the city. Pippin looked out at them and gasped. Right in front, leading them all, was TC, on a short, black horse. She had her sword drawn--of course--and actually looked happy about going to war against them. The Nazgul were flying over head.  
The battle commenced. People rode swiftly to the charging orcs. Pippin saw Shadowfax emerge from the crowd. TC saw it too. She signaled her horse to gallop in his direction. Pippin watched in horror, knowing this could not end good.  
Before TC reached Gandalf, she got hit by an arrow and flew off her horse, unconscious.  
  
With the enemy subdued, the people came back into the city. Faramir had been found stricken on the field. Denethor ordered him to be taken up to the White Tower.  
  
That night, the orcs and men from Sauron's army began building trenches around Minas Tirith, and filled them with fire. TC was standing by her horse (whom she'd named Rocket), surveying it all. The arrow that hit her got her chest, but didn't go deep enough to cause any harm. She'd just been surprised by it.  
TC had appointed herself leader (after the Nazgul, of course). The rest of the army had mixed feelings, mostly negative, about being led by a hobbit. TC grabbed a stick and stuck it in the fire of a nearby trench, and mounted Rocket. She trotted him around, inspecting the work closer.  
"Come on! Can't you dig any faster?" TC yelled to the orcs digging near her. One of them threw down his shovel and glared at TC.  
"You got a problem with the way we're working?" he sneered.  
"Yes, as a matter of fact I do!" TC retorted. "You're working much too slowly."  
"I don't see where you've got any room to speak, I don't see you doing any work!"  
"But I'm in charge, to keep slackers like you in line." TC shoved her torch in the orc's face (she didn't know why, but she'd thought it'd be cool). He screamed, gaining the attention of other orcs.  
"I'll take care of this." another orc said and grabbed a torch and began running towards TC, the torch raised menacingly.  
TC kicked Rocket and he began galloping in the other direction. The hobbit would have been absolutely elated at the speed, if not for the enraged orc running behind her with a flaming stick. TC looked behind her and saw the orc was right on Rocket's tail (so to speak). A spark jumped off the torch onto the horse's hindquarters. He bucked and ended up kicking the orc in the face. He went unconscious.  
TC turned Rocket around and trotted back to the orcs. "GET BACK TO WORK!" she yelled. Begrudgingly, they did.   
They were now setting up catapults.  
TC's thoughts breifly turned to Pippin. They were cut off when missiles began flying into the city. The Nazgul returned and began circling above.  
TC signalled Rocket to gallop towards the gates. The guards tried to stop her, but she ran them down. Upon entering the city, TC threw her trch down onto the grouned. She watched for a moment as they sparked, then turned her horse to leave.  
"TC!" Pippin yelled. TC pivoted Rocket around to face the other hobbit. "What's wrong with you?!" he screamed, flames dancing behind him.  
"Frodo will fail!" TC yelled back. "Sauron will get hhis ring and I think it's better to be on his side than to be his enemy!"  
"No TC! Sam is with Frodo, and they won't fail! This war is not lost yet! There is still hope! As long as there's hope, we can still fight, and win! He hasn't gotten the ring yet--and he won't! Frodo and Sam won't let that happen!"  
"How can you be so sure?" TC asked, her voice softening.  
"Because that's what's right. Good MUST over come evil. It always has, it always will!"  
TC quickly shook her heard, and looked back at Pippin, her eyes filled with confusion. "What's happening? Why is the city burning?!"  
"You did this!"  
"What?! When?"  
"Just now!"  
"What are you talking about? I haven't been doing anything!" TC let out a yelp and flew off her horse, clutching her head, screaming in agony. She was screaming things from another language. Pippin stared in horror as she continued to convulse.  
Then it stopped.  
"What is going on?" TC demanded.  
"ORCS ARE ATTACKING THE CITY!"  
"Well let's kick some orc butt!" TC stood up and mounted Rocket, then held her hand out for Pippin to help him up. Then she drew her sword and they raced out of the city, galloping towards the orcs.  
A shriek was heard from inside the city. TC and Pippin looked back, Gandalf was confronting a wraith.  
A cock crowed. Horns sounded. Rocket was turned to face the other way.  
"ROHAN!" Both hobbits screamed, seeing the arrival of the city people. 


	20. Riding Into Battle

A/N: If you haven't read ROTK you might get confused. This chapter is MC and Merry's group, but its not starting at when they arrive at Minas Tirith... and i would like to thank everyone who has reviewed! Keep them coming. please. thank you :) Er, sorry this chapter is so short....  
~TC  
  
~*~*~  
  
Merry laid on the ground under a blanket and wondered how in the world he would handle the remainder of their journey. Between Dernhelm never talking and MC hating him, Merry felt very alone. Plus the fact that he had to remain unknown and that TC's warg was following them, that didn't help matters.  
"Less than one day left." Merry thought to himself. Then something hit him in the back. He didn't even need to check to see what it was. It happened every single night. MC claimed she just kicked in her sleep... somehow Merry doubted the sleep part.  
"YOU @$$HOLE!" MC suddenly hissed. "I can't believe you just tripped over me, then called me a tree root! B@$*%#$! I'm no f#*$@%* tree root! I'm a hobbit!"  
"Sorry," the guy, Elfhelm, apologized. "I didn't see you."  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"Nothing!"  
"You're saying I'm NOTHING?"  
"No!"  
"Then WHAT?"  
Elfhelm paused, afraid to say nothing again. "Um..."  
"UM?! IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOUR SELF?" MC wasnt quite yelling, but she was getting very mad.  
"I'm so sorry!" Merry inturrupted. He was amazed no one was staring. "She's just...uh..." Merry glanced at MC, who was giving him a look, daring him to finish his sentence.  
"I'm WHAT?"  
"Er...tired?"  
"What are you implying?"  
"That you need to sleep?" Merry knew he was just digging his hole deeper and deeper.  
"You don't like me when I'm tired?"  
"Oh no! It's not that at all! You're very...pleasant."  
"You have a tone in your voice!"  
"HOLY CRAP WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?"  
"The truth! What you REALLY think!"  
"No!"  
"Why?"  
"I wanna live!"  
Elfhelm decided to inturrupt. "Um...we'll probably be leaving soon. pack up!"  
"We don't need to pack up!" MC said foully. "We'll BE packed up!"  
Elfhelm sighed in frustration. He told them about the wild man visiting them, then left.  
"I'm getting out of here!" Merry ran off quietly to the tent where Theoden, Eomer, and the wild man were talking.  
"Why are Giml's relatives visiting us?" MC asked. Merry was surprised to find her near him without him being in physical pain. Then he felt her hand clamping down, hard, on his shoulder.  
"Why'd you follow me?"  
"Bored."  
"Of course."  
There was an awkward silence.  
Merry continued. "By the way, that's not one of Gimli's relatives. That's a wild man, I guess they're deciding whether or not he'll help us."  
"It's gonna help us?"  
"I'm not sure if HE will help us."  
They listened for a few more moments.  
"Come on!" Merry whispered. "They're almost done." Merry went back to their original place, MC following. At a distance.  
  
That day they rode on a somewhat unknown path. The wild man, Ghan-Buri-Ghan, was leading them. MC was, once again, in between Dernhelm and Merry.  
"Move your hilt!" Merry hissed.  
"What?" MC asked, feigning innocence.  
"You know what!"  
"I'm not touching my sword..."  
"Then why is the hilt up my butt?"  
"Hm...always knew you had SOMETHING shoved up there..."  
"Very funny! If you don't move it, I will!"  
"How? If you do, we'll be noticed."  
"So YOU get it out!"  
"Actually, I myself am quite comfortable, I think I'll wait a while."  
Merry found it very hard to keep his voice quiet. He was incredibly frustrated. Then they noticed more wild men come out. They all looked alike.  
"God it's like a fricken family reunion! Why isn't Gimli here?" MC asked. Merry elbowed her in the ribs. The wild men soon left them. Elfhelm said they were no longer in need of their guidance.  
  
Soon, they rode off swiftly. MC and Merry worked on loosening their swords (MC wasn't happy about releasing Merry's discomfort though). The city came into view, causing both hobbits to gasp in horror, thinking of their friends. The pace slowed somewhat, and after a while they halted, staring at the city. MC had a (rather quiet) fit. She wanted to fight.  
"Come on already!" she hissed at Dernhelm. "Ignore the king! Let's GO!"  
"Shut up!" Dernhelm hissed back.  
  
After what seemed an eternity,Theoden got excited and they started galloping towards the city. 


	21. Author's Note IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ

Okay well, there is a slight hitch in the making of this story. Im really doubting anyone except for a few of my friends cares, but in case any of yall are reading this, I lost my copy of Return Of The King. It is nowhere in my room, so that can be considered a small problem, since I dont know what happens next! I have read it before...but I forgot. So if any of y'all wanna help out by telling me what happens, I've gotten to the part where MErry and Eowyn kill the wraith. Anyways, if i don't get help, I might not be able to write more until either I find it (which is not likely at this point) or the movie comes out. So unless you wanna wait until December... 


	22. Reunited

A/N: Hey I would like to thank my friend, Karategurl, for lending me her copy of the LOTR books and for help in writing this chapter. =)...and I know I skipped the Pyre Of Denethor....plz reveiw.  
  
~*~*~  
  
TC and Pippin galloped towards the oncoming riders. They could not see Merry or MC. However, TC spotted Strider. She was about to jump off Rocket, but then they spotted their friends.  
  
Merry and MC jumped off of Windfola, and Dernhelm galloped into the battle. Within seconds, "he" was confronting the Lord Of The Wraiths.  
  
"No living man can defeat me!" The foul creature laughed.  
  
TC and Pippin rode up next to their companions. Strider following.  
  
"But I am no living man!" Dernhelm laughed, and pulled down his--er, her, hood. "I am Eowyn and I will smite you if you touch Theoden!"  
  
"NO!" Merry ran over to them. The beast jumped into the air and came down upon Eowyn. She beheaded the creature. The wraith rose above her. He struck her shield with his mase, smashing it into pieces. He raised his mase, ready to kill.  
  
Merry came up behind him and stabbed him in the back of the knee. Eowyn raised her sword and stabbed the wraith between the crown and mantle, destroying it.  
  
Merry's arm went numb. The other three hobbits went over to him. They all stared at Eowyn, who laid still and lifelessly on the ground. Merry walked over to Theoden, and knelt down next to him. They began conversing.  
  
"Who's that?" TC whispered back to Pippin.  
  
"That's Merry!" Pippin hissed in reply.  
  
"NO! I know him! Who's the dude he's talking to?"  
  
"Theoden!" Pippin recieved a blank stare from TC. "You know..."  
  
"No..."  
  
"The king!"  
  
"Um..."  
  
"OF ROHAN!"  
  
"Oh....I'm bored! Let's go!" With that, TC kicked Rocket and they galloped towards the city.  
  
"TC!" Pippin yelled. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"  
  
"I was bored!"  
  
"OUR FRIENDS ARE IN THE MIDST OF BATTLE!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"Don't you think we should HELP them?"  
  
"Meh." TC shrugged as they passed through the city gates and slowed to a trot. The fires had died down.  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
"How about we go back into the battle then?"  
  
"I got bored the first time!"  
  
"Just wondering....HOW DO YOU GET BORED IN A BATTLE?"  
  
"Short attention span?"  
  
"No kidding."  
  
At that moment, they heard a shreak behind them. "MERRY!" It was MC. TC and Pippin turned around and saw Merry staggering in the street. MC behind him, in tears. Strider standing nearby."Um..." TC was at a loss for words. She dismounted Rocket and walked over to her warg.  
  
"HELP HIM PLEASE!" MC screamed. She was downright hysterical. "He's gonna die!" She went down on her knees, next to Merry, who'd collapsed a few moments earlier.  
  
"What are we supposed to do?" Pippin asked.  
  
"I don't know! But you've been here longer!"  
  
"I guess we could take him to the Houses of Healing." Pippin suggested.  
  
"I don't know where that is, but I doubt he can make it there." TC observed.  
  
"BUT YOU CAN'T JUST LET HIM DIE!" MC wailed.  
  
"MC, in case you hadn't noticed, we have a horse!"  
  
"Oh," MC looked down at Merry. "how will he stay on? He's unconsious."  
  
"I'll ride with him." Pippin volunteered. MC and TC lifted Merry up onto the horse in front of Pippin. With one arm, Pippin held onto Merry, with the other, the reins. TC mounted up on to Strider, and they began on the way to the Houses of Healing. Pippin led the way...TC wanted to, but Pippin refused to let her. 


	23. The Lost Chapter

A/N: Alrighty. Sorry it took so long to post this one. I swear, this is the prodigal chapter! Over the course of the past, like, four/five months I lost this thing like, 3 times! One of those times stretched @ least 3 months. So finally, here it is...THE LOST CHAPTER!! Oh yeah, I also added some extensions onto some of the other chapters. I've put that into the titles.  
  
~*~*~  
  
TC and MC had to stay outside with the mounts while Pippin took Merry into the Houses Of Healing. TC didn't really care. MC, on the other hand, was rather pissed.  
  
"I can't believe I can't go in there with him! I should be in there with him!" MC ranted. Her anger turned into fear. "I hope he's alright! Oh my gosh, I would feel so bad if he died thinking I hated him."  
  
TC stared blankly at MC, hoping she was done. TC was let down.  
  
"I feel so bad for trying to strangle him in Dunharrow and for making the trip over here a living hell for him." MC's sorrow turned back to anger. "YOU!" she turned on TC. "YOU! Because of YOU I am not in there with him right now!"  
  
"How is this my fault?"  
  
"You couldn't hold both the horse and the warg!" MC hissed.  
  
"Strider might get jealous if he thinks I like Rocket more!"  
  
"Aren't you worried about the horse getting jealous?"  
  
"Not really. If he gets jealous...he's not likely to rip Strider to shreds."  
  
"WELL I'M GOING IN!" MC dropped Rocket's reins and headed into the building.  
  
"Okay then." TC muttered to herself. She rode Strider over and grabbed Rocket's reins, then took them both to the stables.  
  
  
  
As TC headed back towards the Houses of Healing, she spotted Aragorn.  
  
"Aragorn!" she yelled. "Hey, I didn't hit you with anything this time!" TC said as she reached him.  
  
"That's great." Aragorn replied, ot really caring.  
  
"Hey, you should probably go to the Houses of Healing. I think they need you up there."  
  
"Yes, TC, I already knew that." Aragorn continued walking.  
  
"Well, are you going to go?"  
  
"YES!" Aragorn snapped, having assumed his previous statement had implied he was, indeed, going to the Houses of Healing. "Thick-headed halfling." he muttered, not meaning for TC to hear him.  
  
"Well, there's no need to get all anal about it!" TC said, offended.  
  
"TC! The whole of Middle-Earth is in serious peril at the moment! There is no room for your sarcasm, or stupid questrions that need not be asked! If you can't say anything that will be of use then just hold your tongue!"  
  
TC just stopped, glaring at Aragorn. The man resumed his trek to the Houses of Healing.  
  
"What do I care about you all anyways?" TC said. "You don't even exist!" With that, TC turned and began walking away. Aragorn ignored her.  
  
Aragorn opened the door to the room Merry was in. MC and Pippin were both at the side of the bed.  
  
"What are you doing?" MC asked as Aragorn pulled out some Kingsfoil and put it in a small dish of water. This produced a sweet-smelling aroma of sorts. "EW! You're gonna kill him with that stuff! That is so sick!"  
  
"Are you going to help him?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Yes, I'm trying to!" Aragorn muttered.  
  
"How? How are you going to save him?" MC demanded.  
  
"You aren't going to let him die, are you?" Pippin asked.  
  
"DON'T LET HIM DIE!"  
  
There was silence as the three stared at Merry's still form.  
  
"HE'S DEAD! YOU LET HIM DIE!" MC flew over Merry's bed and latched her hands around Aragorn's throat, taking him down. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST LET HIM DIE LIKE THAT! I HATE YOU!"  
  
The hobbit and the man became entangled in fight. Aragorn tried to pry MC's hands off his throat, but she had a stronger grip that he'd expected.  
  
"Merry!" Pippin whispered urgently. "Merry!"  
  
Merry opened his eyes and blinked.  
  
"HE'S ALIVE!"  
  
MC jumped up, releasing Aragorn. She quickly hugged Merry. "Thank God, you're alive!" Then she jumped back. "YOU A$$%*#!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? YOU MADE ME WORRY ABOUT YOU AND THEN YOU GO AND TURN OUT FINE!" MC lept upon Merry, and began pounding him. Aragorn quickly dragged MC off of Merry and out of the room. Merry looked at Pippin, who just shook his head and rolled his eyes.  
  
TC stared at one small fire left in the ruins. She picked up a nearby stick and stuck it into the fire. She began to write in the air with it, muttering as she went.   
  
"T...A..."  
  
"AHH!"  
  
TC stared in horror. She hadn't seen Gimli standing there.  
  
"I'm...um...oh crap!" TC looked at the flaming beard. "heh..." Gimli glared at her. Legolas, who was also there, went to fetch water. TC just stared at Gimli for a few seconds. When he pulled out his axe, however, TC began running in the direction Legolas went.  
  
"STAY AWAY!" Aragorn yelled, pushing MC down the steps in front of the Houses of Healing.   
  
"NO!" MC charged at him, but he shut the door, resulting in MC running head on into it. MC just stood there, fuming for a few moments, then she saw Legolas running towards her in a hurry. "Hey!" she greeted.  
  
Legolas ignored MC and ran into the building, shutting the door before she got in. MC was about to follow him when she heard screaming, ranting, and cursing. She looked in the direction of the noise, to find TC running in her direction, Gimli following her, beard flaming, ax drawn, mutting all sorts of curses. The two ran right by MC.  
  
A few moment later, Legolas came back out of the building, carrying a large bucket of water. He spotted Gimli and TC and ran in their direction. MC decided to follow.   
  
Just as Gimli was beginning to attack TC, Legolas called him, and when Gimli turned around, the elf threw the water on him. Silence ensued. Gimli was fuming. He began to feel his chin, to see how his beard was doing. He found nothing except a couple charred hairs, which broke off at his touch. He turned back to TC, glaring.  
  
"So...um..." TC laughed nervously. "Is that what female dwarves look like?" 


	24. The Last Battle

A/N: Once again, I do not own Lord of the Rings or it's characters. I do however, own MC and TC. And I'd like to say a big thanx to my friend, Karategurl, who has given me a lot of the ideas for this story. (you should go check out her story, Lavender!) Please R&R, thanx  
  
~TC  
  
PS-Any ideas? Please share!  
  
~*~*~  
  
Aragorn ran out into the streets to find Legolas and Gimli, following the shouts, he quickly found them.  
  
"We're going to Mordor to fight!" he yelled at them.  
  
"Yes!" MC screamed in joy.  
  
TC groaned. "Not again!"  
  
"You don't have to go." Aragorn told her.  
  
"Oh yes she does!" MC retorted.  
  
"Whatever! Just...whoever's going better get ready because we're leaving tonight!" Aragorn hurried off.  
  
"Well!" MC said expectantly.  
  
"Hey, I'm not taking any part in this!" TC replied and started walking off. Mc caught her by the shoulder.  
  
"How can you turn your back on everyone?"  
  
"How can I not? MC, you know just as well as me, this isn't real!"  
  
"How can you say that?"  
  
"Don't you remember what life used to be like? When we lived in 2003, with humans! Hell, we WERE humans! We'd watch Lord Of the Rings, back in the real world, where it was only a fantasy story. You know we have to go back, don't you?"  
  
"How?! How the hell are we supposed to get back? Do you see a door with a sign saying 'Back To The Real World' on it?"  
  
"Not now! But we're gonna have to go back! Either way, I don't know why we should fight. Why should we die for a world that doesn't even exist?!"  
  
"If this world doesn't exist, then neither do we, but it does. It's real to the hobbits, the dwarves, the elves, and yes, even to the the humans!"  
  
"You fight then, but I've made up my mind. I'll just stay here, with Merry."  
  
"Oh no you won't!"  
  
"Just stop me!"  
  
"I will!" MC grabbed a handful of TC's hair and started dragging her towards the stables.  
  
  
  
~~~~  
  
TC pouted as she rode Strider, alongside MC, on Rocket. The two were riding amongst others, including Pippin, Legolas, and Gimli, on their way to the Gate of Mordor, for the final battle.  
  
TC wore a look of absolute hatred. "I don't wee why we have to do this! We had a choice!"  
  
"Actually, it didn't look like you'd had much of a choice there, TC." Pippin commented.  
  
"Oh shut up! I could have broke loose if I'd really felt like it!"  
  
"Oh yeah, 'cause you sound so eager to go into battle."  
  
"She is, she just doesn't know it." MC state calmly.  
  
TC rolled her eyes and shook her head. Then, as if for no reason, TC struck out at the air. As she did this, MC flew off her mount, as if she herself had recieved the blow. Then she got up and started screaming.  
  
"WHAT THE F@#$ DID YOU DO THAT FOR, TC?!" MC raged, staring at some odd point in space. She then leaped forward, as if tackling the air, and TC flew off of Strider, as if tackled. MC began punching at the ground, and TC went into convulsions like she was being struck repeatedly. Legolas and Pippin halted their mounts and stared.  
  
"NO! NO!" TC screamed. "STOP!" MC did not cease her furious punching. TC continued to jerk and convulse.  
  
Pippin and Legolas glanced at each other, unsure of what to do, then returned their attention to MC and TC.  
  
TC brought her legs up and kicked at the air above her. MC flew up from her position and landed a few feet away. TC proceeded to tackle the ground (as MC had done moments before) and beat furiously at the ground. The repeated the previous scene, except TC was doing the beating, and MC was convulsing.  
  
Legolas figured out (somewhat) what they were doing. Fighting...of some sort. He walked over and grabbed TC by the shoulders, pulling her up. MC ceased her convulsing.  
  
"What was all that about?" the elf asked.  
  
"We were fighting." MC stated matter-of-factly.  
  
"But...but...you weren't even looking at each other...or touching each other!" Pippin cried in bewilderment. "And MC! You have a black eye, while TC has a bloody nose!"  
  
"Yeah?" MC asked, not seeing the oddity.  
  
"THAT'S NOT NORMAL!"  
  
"Sure it is. It's forensics." TC said, remounting Strider, while MC remounted Rocket. Offering no further explanation, the two hobbits rode off to catch up with the rest of the group, now far ahead.  
  
Legolas shrugged and mounted Arod, pulling Pippin up behind him. They rode and quickly caught up with the other two hobbits.  
  
"How was that normal?" Legolas asked when they were alongside the hobbits.  
  
"Forensics." MC and TC said together.  
  
"We already told you." MC continued.  
  
"What?" Legolas and Pippin asked in unison.  
  
"It's a style of acting, it involved no contact whatsoever of the people acting." TC explained.  
  
"The how did you get the bloody nose and the black eye?" Pippin cried in growing confusion.  
  
"We've been doing forensics for a VERY long time." MC stated.  
  
Suddenly, the whole group came to a standstill. TC stood up on Strider, using Legolas's shoulder to balance, to see what was going on.  
  
"Gandalf is talking to some guy! I think we're at Mordor! I see the gate!"  
  
"The darkening sky and rain clouds weren't enough of a hint?" MC muttered.  
  
"What's going on?" Pippin yelled.  
  
Legolas rose, pushing TC down, and looked ahead. "Frodo has been taken by the enemy. The representative is negotiating with Gandalf." Legolas stopped.  
  
"Well?" The three hobbits and Gimli (having recently rejoined them) asked.  
  
"Gandalf refused."  
  
The five sat silent, until more from Mordor came, and attacked. The battle commenced. The hobbits, Gimli, and Legolas jumped off their mounts and were quickly separated in the battle, weapons drawn and ready.  
  
"AHHH!" TC screamed, her version of a war whoop. She began slashing as her opponents, C doing the same (though MC was enjoying it a bit more than TC).  
  
TC paused, and turned. She saw MC standing over someone who was injured, with an odd glint in her eyes. She raised her sword and began to bring it down.  
  
"MC! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"  
  
"He's injured! We need to amputate!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"BECAUSE A BATTLE IS COMMENCING AROUND US!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"He's on our side!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"IT WAS YOUR IDEA TO JOIN THIS BATTLE SO YOU SURE AS HELL BETTER START FIGHTING THE ENEMY!"  
  
"Well FINE!" MC huffed and began fighting again. TC did the same.  
  
CRASH! TC looked where the crash occured, and saw a large cave troll fallen on the ground. Then she noticed two large, hairy feet sticking out from under it.  
  
"PIPPIN!" 


	25. Flirting and Fighting

A/N: Hey I know I kinda skipped a lotta stuff...erm...yeah. Oh, BY THE WAY!!!!!!!!! If you dont know the ending, and wanna wait to see the movie, Return of the King, I wouldn't suggest reading this any further becuz this chapter reveals what happens w/ Frodo & the ring (though Im sure it's fairly obvious).  
  
Thanx (please r&r!)  
  
~TC  
  
~*~*~  
  
TC and MC stood in a single bedded room. The bed contained Pippin, unconsious from the troll having fell on him.   
  
MC had pulled him out from under the cave troll, and from that moment on she refused to leave his side. When they were being borne by the eagles, and found Frodo and Sam (collapsed after succeeding in destroying the ring), TC expected MC to abandon Pippin. However, MC completely ignored Frodo.  
  
The real clencher, however, was when MC merely lifted a hand in greeting earlier when they saw him. MC was currently stroking Pippin's forehead.  
  
"What's going on?" TC finally asked.  
  
"He's just so cute...and after I rescued him from that cave troll, I realized..." MC paused.  
  
"MC...what did you realize?" TC asked slowly, suspiciously.  
  
"I have...FEELINGS for him!"  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Merry's not the one for me. It's Pippin I want now! Only Pippin!" MC gazed fondly at the unconsious hobbit.  
  
TC blinked and quickly shook her head in disbelief. "Right..." TC hurred off and began wandering in a daze. Merry quickly met up with her.  
  
"Hi." he greeted sadly.  
  
"Hi." TC returned the greeting.  
  
"Do you know why MC's been ignoring me?" Merry asked pitifully.  
  
"Yeah, I'm afraid you lost her, mate. It's Pippin she fancies now." TC informed him, giving a quick head shake, indicating that Merry best not ask about it, because TC herself had no clue.  
  
"Pippin?" Merry repeated, dejectedly. He began creeping towards where Pippin was being housed. "MC!" Merry screamed in agony, then broke into a full-out run. TC paled as she realized what was going to happen.  
  
"MERRY!" she screamed. Merry continued to run. TC sprinted to catch up with hi m. She grabbed his shoulder and whirled him around. Grabbing both sides of his face, TC engaged him in a long, passionate kiss.  
  
~~~  
  
Pippin blinked, then slowly sat up.  
  
"YOU'RE ALL RIGHT!" MC shreiked, and lept upon Pippin, hugging him.  
  
"What happened?" Pippin asked drowsily.  
  
"Frodo destroyed the ring! Well...Gollum bit Frodo's finger off while Frodo was wearing the Ring and then Gollum began dancing and tripped over the edge and fell into the fires of Mount Doom, taking the ring with him. Then we all rode back here on giant eagles!"  
  
"I thought Frodo had been captured?"  
  
"Oh yeah, Sam helped him escape! Come, let's go tell TC and Merry that you're all right!" MC grabbed Pippin's hand and dragged him out of the room, bounding down the streets.  
  
~~~  
  
TC was profusely confessing her love to Merry, trying to get his mind off of MC and Pippin.  
  
"Ever since that first day, when we first met, on the trails, on the way to Bree, I knew you were the one! I wish to spend my whole life with you. Why, I was heartbroken when you almost died after...BRAVELY stabbing that Wraith." TC put her hand upon Merry's chest, for added affect. "It is I, Meriadoc, who wants you now. Forget about MC!" TC was leaning in for another kiss when MC and Pippin came running up.  
  
"PIPPIN'S OKAY!"  
  
"Cool." TC replied nonchalantly.  
  
"PIPPIN!" Merry screamed, and ran over and hugged his friend. When they let go, MC put her arm protectively around Pippin.  
  
"We're going to that banquet now. TC, are you coming?" MC asked.  
  
"Yes." TC replied curtly. "Me and MY MERRY will be there momentarily." TC emphasized the words "my Merry."  
  
MC sniffed angrily and walked off, dragging Pippin with her. TC smiled at Merry, and together they walked to the banquet.  
  
~~~  
  
Frodo and Sam sat at the table, they wondered why they hadn't seen any of the other hobbits. They had been sure that by now, MC would have found Frodo.  
  
When they did spot the four others, however, they got a bit of a surprise.  
  
MC and Pippin were sitting together, flirting. They looked over and saw Frodo and Sam. Frodo yelped, then jumped down off his chair and hid under the table.  
  
"Did she see me?" Frodo asked Sam.  
  
"I don't think so--wait, she's waving! Now she's...she's clinging to Pippin! Mr. Frodo!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I think she's over ou! I do believe it's safe to come back up now~"  
  
Frodo tentatively climbed back onto his chair. He was eyeing MC the whole time.  
  
"Looks like Merry got over MC, as well." Sam pointed out. "Guess there will be no more stalking!"  
  
"What make you say that?"  
  
"Well, for one, he isn't sitting by MC. But, he and TC are over there, together. Looks like they fancy each other!"  
  
"Sam..." Frodo said slowly. "Either something miraculous has happened, or they're up to something!"  
  
"Why do I get the feeling it's the latter?"  
  
"Because with them, it usually is."  
  
~~~  
  
Frodo and Sam searched around for MC, TC, Pippin, and Merry. Something was up and they were determined to find out what it was. After about half an hour, they found them.  
  
"All right, what's going on?" Sam demanded.  
  
"What do you mean?" TC asked.  
  
"When we departed, TC and Pippin--you two LIKED each other! Merry, you were stalking MC, and MC, you were stalking ME!" Frodo yelled in exasperation.  
  
MC laughed. "What would give you that idea? You must have had quite a blow to the head, Frodo, why would I like you?" MC stopped. Then she realized how cruel she just sounded. "I..I mean, as more than a friend! Besides, I don't REALLY like Pippin. I'm just using him to get back at Mer---oops."  
  
"What?" Pippin asked, dejectedly.  
  
TC began screaming at MC. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! NOW PIPPIN LIKES YOU! YOU STOLE MY MAN...er...HOBBIT!"  
  
"Well, you stole Merry from me!" MC countered.  
  
"WHAT? WHEN HE HEARD THAT YOU LIKED PIPPIN INSTEAD OF HIM, HE WAS GOING TO BEGIN STALKING YOU AGAIN! I WAS JUST TRYING TO KEEP HIM FROM DOING THAT!" TC paused to breathe, then continued. "AND WHY WOULD I WANT TO STEAL *MERRY* FROM YOU ANYWAYS?! EW!"  
  
"You don't like me?" Merry's lower lip began trembling. Suddenly he flung himself down and wrapped his arms around MC's ankles. "PLEASE!" he cried. "PLEASE TAKE ME BACK! I'M SORRY I LEFT YOU FOR...TC!"  
  
"No! All you men are just the same!" MC yelled. "YOU MAKE US WORRY THEN TURN OUT JUST FINE!" MC ripped away from Merry and stormed off.  
  
"YOU!" Merry hissed, turning on Pippin. "You are the reason MC won't take me back! And..." Merry turned to TC. "how could you just lead me on like that?" Merry then stormed off in the opposite direction that MC went.  
  
"How could you just fall for MC?!" TC yelled at Pippin. "Just act like I don't exist!"  
  
"Well she did save me from the cave troll..." Pippin defended.  
  
"I WAS GOING TO!" TC screeched and stormed off in yet another direction.  
  
Pippin, Frodo, and Sam were left, all standing, stunned and absolutely confused. After moments of silence, Frodo finally spoke.  
  
"You do realize you guys will have to deal with this on the trip back to Minas Tirith, right?"  
  
~~~  
  
A/N: BTW, if ANYONE knows what happens in the next chapter "The Steward and the King" please inform me of it because I read it and...I dont get it!!! My brain has been fried from school and my reading comprehension (well, really, all my comprehension) has been severely impacted. :/ 


	26. Many Partings

A/N: I dont own any of Tolkien's stuff. I dont own any of the LOTR characters. I own TC and MC. Sort of Strider/Legagorn.   
  
I am trying to keep this accurate to the book, but its not easy. And thank you to all of my reviewers! You are all very much appreciated :) And as usual, thank u to Karategurl for giving me most of the ideas in here :-D. And by the way, I only have two chapters left in ROTK left to cover (yay I'm almost done! WOW) AND one more note before I shut up. The parts in // are pretty much taken right from the book. And the title for this chapter is the same as the chapter in ROTK  
  
~TC  
  
~*~*~  
  
On the way to Minas Tirith, there was complete silence between the hobbits. TC was mad at MC for making moves on Pippin, and she was mad at Pippin for liking MC.   
  
MC was mad at Merry for liking TC, and she was mad at TC for trying to steal Merry.  
  
Merry and Pippin were mad at MC and TC because of the way the girls used them as means of revenge. Merry and Pippin were mad at each other for trying to steal each other's "girl".  
  
Frodo refused to talk to MC, because he was still suspicious of her. Sam refused to talk to MC and TC due to the fued (the reason for which was long forgotten). Both Frodo and Sam would have talked to Merry and Pippin, except all they heard was complaining about the other hobbits.   
  
Therefore, out of the six hobbits, Frodo and Sam were the only two who would talk to each other. However, they had nothing to talk about. Thus creating absolute silence between all six hobbits.  
  
For about the first five minutes, anyways. Then TC (who, along with MC, can't stand silence) picked up a stick and, of course, chucked it at Sam.  
  
Without hesitation, MC did a similar act. She grabbed a stick, and not to be outdone by TC, ran over to Sam and was going to start beating him, but Frodo stopped that plan by grabbing the stick and throwing it far away. MC then punched Frodo in the face.  
  
"YOU @$$!" Sam yelled and tackled MC, and they began beating on each other.  
  
"Don't you call her that!" Merry yelled, suddenly enraged. He then joined the fight. Pippin went to see if Frodo was alright.  
  
TC, proud of what she started, surveyed the mess of fighting hobbits. Frodo had rejoined the fight. TC and Pippin, not to be left out, also jumped in.  
  
~~~  
  
A few moments later, Legolas and Gimli noticed the hobbits were no longer with the group. They rode back to find the halflings.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Legolas shouted, upon finding the hobbits in mass chaos. They all froze. For a few moments they all just stared at each other in silence, until Legolas finally spoke. "Just...just sort this out, SOON! Now please, let's ride back to the group!"   
  
The hobbits groaned unhappily as they got on their mounts, and followed Legolas back to the group.  
  
~~~  
  
They reached Minas Tirith and some men greeted them at the gate. Faramir was amongst them. They brought a casket forth to Aragorn, while one of the men was making a speech. Then Faramir opened the casket and presented the crown (that the body inside the casket was holding) to Aragorn.  
  
However, Aragorn did not accept it. He wanted Frodo to present it to him, and Gandalf to place it on his head. Frodo walked up from the back of the group. His hair was standing on end, his clothes were torn in many places, and blood was smeared all over him--both from himself and from others.  
  
Aragorn and Gandalf shot a glance back at MC and TC who (had now made up and were friends again) were sitting on their mounts next to each other, feigning innocence. They put in a synchronized wave for an added affect. the fact that they, and the other hobbits, were in the same state as Frodo, did not help matters.  
  
Aragorn redirected his attention to Frodo and motioned for the hobbit to proceed. Frodo took the crown from Faramir, and walked it over to Gandalf. The wizard then placed it on top of Aragorn's head.  
  
Aragorn rose and /Faramir cried: "Behold, the King!"/  
  
And the trumpets sounded as Aragorn went through the gates.  
  
"He's a king?" TC asked, surprised.  
  
"You didn't know that?" MC (practically) shouted.  
  
"Was I supposed to?"  
  
"Well, *I* did!"  
  
~~~  
  
/The hobbits stayed in Minas Tirith with Legolas and Gimli, for Aragorn was reluctant for the Fellowship to dissolve. He had said one day: "At last, all such things must come to an end."/ He then went on how he'd have them wait to leave, for a day he'd always looked forward to was coming, and he'd like to have his friends at his side. When he said that last part, he shot an unsure glance at MC and TC.  
  
So for a while, they all stayed there, only Gandalf and Aragorn knowing why.  
  
TC and MC refused to talk to Merry and Pippin. The reverse was true as well. They did however, converse in a very loud manner.  
  
TC gave up on that, quickly, and took to riding Strider around the city, enjoying the appalled looks she got when people saw the beast. Especcially when she told them who he was named after. Needless to say, Aragorn was less than thrilled, and didn't feel as though the cityfolk should have a King with a warg named after him, and ordered TC to change it's name. The new name was Sammy.  
  
MC had originally been riding Rocket around with TC, but then Sammy developed a strange, and very disturbing, fondness for the horse. MC began hanging out with Legolas and Gimli.  
  
  
  
~~~  
  
Finally, Midsummer, the waiting stopped. Elves rode in. Amongst them were Elrond, Galadriel, and Arwen.  
  
Then it struck everyone why they had waited. Aragorn and Arwen were to be married! /Elrond laid the hand of his daughter inyo Aragorn's and together they went up to the High City, where they were wedded./  
  
~~~  
  
  
  
Then at last came the day they would head home. For fifteen days they travelled, until they reached Edoras. Those fifteen days proved eventful.  
  
Merry and Pippin were supposed to be riding with the knights of the lands they were knights of, but were still angry with TC and MC, and they had other plans in mind. In the only way they knew how (without getting into trouble), they got revenge.  
  
Pippin rode up next to Arwen. "Hey Arwen," he said in as low and seductive a voice he could manage. "How are you?" The he winked at her. Arwen shot a scared look over to Aragorn, who glared at Pippin. The hobbit ignored him and continued flirting with Arwen.  
  
Merry was having similar affairs with Galadriel. He was telling her she was the most beautiful being he'd ever laid eyes on. She was trying to ignore him.  
  
TC and MC saw the two hobbits flirting. They both gasped.  
  
"How can they just flirt shamelessly like that?" MC cried. TC was silent, for she did not know the answer. "Well, I guess we should do something about this!" With that, MC rode over to Legolas. "Hey Legolas..." MC said.  
  
"Great." TC muttered. "Now what am I supposed to do?" TC pondered her options. "Let's see, Aragorn or Gimli. DANGIT! Um..." TC closed her eyes in concentration. Finally she chose Aragorn. "He has more facial hair (right now)." TC told herself, justifying her decision. TC moved Sammy forward and rode up to Aragorn.  
  
"Hey..." TC greeted, then gulped, as if trying to keep from vomiting. The next words she said as though she could hardly choke them past her throat. She gulped again. "What's happening..." TC winced as she continued her statement, "...sexy?" TC cringed, then smiled, largely and fakely. Aragorn stared back in horror.  
  
"What are you doing?" he hissed.  
  
Before TC could answer, there came a cry. "MC!" It was Merry, of course. He had spotted MC with Legolas. "NO!" Merry jumped off his mount and ran over to MC. He fell to his knees. MC jumped off her horse and stood before Merry.  
  
"PLEASE!" Merry pleaded, sobbing. "PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I'M SORRY I GOT MAD AT YOU! I'M SORRY I STARTED LIKING TC! I'M SORRY I WAS FLIRTING WITH GALADRIEL! I SWEAR I DIDN'T MEAN IT! SHE'S GOT NOTHING ON YOU! PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!" Merry wrapped his arms around MC's ankles, muttering incoherent words.  
  
"Oh I suppose." MC said nonchalantly.  
  
"YAY!" Merry began jumping up and down, and hugging MC and cheering for himself. He quickly ran over to his horse and mounted it then rode it back to MC, now on hers.  
  
Pippin watched the scene in interest. He figured since it had worked for Merry, it would work for him. He jumped off his horse and ran over to TC, falling to his knees.  
  
"Oh for the sake of all that's sane, yes, I'll forgive you!" TC yelled, not exactly sounding forgiving. "Just please, let's not repeat that scene?"  
  
Pippin proceeded to cheer and dance (which was a bit scary), then ran over to his horse, and as Merry did, rode it over next to TC. Soon all was right again with the hobbits, and they were riding peacefully with each other. Of course, then Merry was showing signs of stalking MC again.  
  
~~~  
  
A few days later, for some reason, Sam and Frodo noticed TC's warg for the first time.  
  
"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!" Frodo screamed.  
  
TC, MC, Merry, and Pippin stared at him. "You just noticed?" TC asked, disbelievingly.  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"I see."  
  
"Is it...tame?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Frodo reached out and petted the warg's nose.  
  
"Hey Sam, check this out!"  
  
Sam doubtfully walked over to the warg. He pet it's nose, but it bit at him.  
  
"Sammy!" TC scolded. "Don't bite your namesake!"  
  
"WHAT?!" Sam screamed, not appreciative of the beast being named after him.  
  
"What?" TC asked innocently. "It was vicious and evil when I got it."  
  
~~~  
  
Many days later, they reached Edoras, where Theoden's funeral took place. Following that, Faramir and Eowyn got married.  
  
As the travellers continued on their journey, they reached Helm's Deep. Legolas and Gimli went into the Glittering Caves. They all stayed at Helm's Deep for two days.   
  
Within that two days, MC quickly became tired of Merry, who, once again, was stalking her. MC and TC wandered around the Deep, searching for hiding places. Merry and Pippin decided it was a game, and everytime the girls found a new place, the males found them. Both TC and MC got severely annoyed. They had a feeling that homicide would commence if they didn't leave soon.  
  
Legolas and Gimli got back from the Glittering caves, and the elf couldn't even describe them. So Gimli promised to go with Legolas into Fangorn Forest.  
  
~~~  
  
The group set off again, heading towards Isengard. There they said goodbye to Legolas and Gimli, for Fangorn was very near to Isengard.  
  
TC and MC both made a point of hugging Legolas before he left. That struck everyone odd, because the girls not normally very...affectionate.  
  
Remembering the races they'd held that one night, TC offered Sammy to Legolas. The elf declined, thinking the warg wouldn't be too appreciated in the forest.  
  
So then, Legolas and Gimli said their goodbyes and headed into Fangorn.  
  
~~~  
  
On their way to the Gap of Rohan, Merry reappointed himself as MC's bodyguard. No one, not even TC or Pippin, was allowed anywhere near MC. Merry even turned his horse over to Sam and Frodo so that he could ride with MC on her horse.  
  
"I really don't need a bodyguard, Merry!" MC insisted. "I think you're the biggest danger to me in this group!"  
  
"Of course I'm not!" Merry laughed. "How could I be a danger to you? I'm protecting you!"  
  
"FROM MY FRIENDS?"  
  
Merry had no response to this.  
  
  
  
When they reached the spot where Pippin had looked into the Palantir, Aragorn and Arwen departed from the group.  
  
Aragorn came over to the hobbits and said goodbye to each of them. Even TC and MC (though eyeing them warily). When he was done, TC winked and giggled at him, just for fun. Aragorn laughed nervously, then he and Arwen left.  
  
And the group rode on. When they were travelling along the Misty Mountains, they ran into Saruman and Grima Wormtongue. There was some confrontation, but eventually the two rushed into the woods, leaving the travellers alone.  
  
Now, Frodo wanted to stop in Rivendell, to see Bilbo, so that was where they headed.  
  
~~~  
  
When they reached Rivendell, four of the hobbits went in search of Bilbo. Predictably enough, TC and MC were the two who did not. They rode around for a while, but didn't cause any trouble. Since Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas were gone, Sam and Frodo were with Bilbo, as were Merry and Pippin, and they couldn't find Gandalf, they really had no reason to cause any trouble. They did stop and swordfight a bit, but it just didn't feel right.  
  
"Man this sucks!" TC said and flopped down, leaning against a statue.  
  
"No kidding!" MC agreed, sitting down next to TC. "Everyone's leaving!"  
  
"It's so SAD!"  
  
At that moment, it hit both hobbits how final this all was. It was unlikely they'd ever see Aragorn or Legolas or Gimli again. And even though they'd had their differences, it was very sad.  
  
  
  
The next day was Bilbo's birthday, so of course, there was a party. TC and MC taught the rest of the hobbits how to Tango. Even Sam and Frodo. The girls even found roses, stripped them of all but their flower, and stem, and made the guys hold them in their teeth.  
  
Of course, the six hobbits looked absolutely ridiculous.  
  
They stayed a while in Rivendell, during which time MC insisted on holding a poetry reading. Merry and Pippin said they'd watch, and expected the poetry to be like the elven songs. They were sorely wrong.  
  
MC of course, was the reader. Her first poem began: "Mars has been invaded by a nickel with a toe."  
  
Merry and Pippin were confused beyond belief by that line. They made TC translate for them. They demanded to know what Mars was, what a nickel was, and why a nickel might have a toe and why it would invade Mars. When TC told them what Mars was, they demanded to know what a planet was. TC ended up translating all of MC's poems, as her first poem was actually her most normal poem. Then she made a dramatic switch to a depressing, suicidal poem as her ending piece. This left her (small) audience dumbfounded.  
  
After a lengthy stay in Rivendell, it was, once again, time to leave. Gandalf and the hobbits took off, their destination was Bree. 


	27. Back To Bree

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update! Very busy and writer's block. But it's posted now! Oh I lied in the last chapter. I said only 2 chaps left, i lied. 3. NOW its 2 (not counting this one) but im rambling. I prob wont finish this before ROTK comes out (I can't wait! I have tix to the 12:01am showing! hehe) NEways, please review, hope you like! Thanx!  
  
~TC  
  
PS-I know I didn't mention the note from Gandalf in the story, but there is a note, for those of you who have not read the books, that Gandalf sends to Frodo that he wants Butterbur to send to Frodo before he arrives @ Bree, and Butterbur forgot to send it to Frodo, and Gandalf said in the note if Butterbur forgot, he would roast him.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Pippin, Frodo, and Sam stared uneasily at MC and TC. The two girls had their capes pulled tightly around them, with their hoods pulled far over their faces. They were looking around suspiciously. It was evening, and the sun was about to go down.  
  
Suddenly, the girls flung their capes to the ground, making awful noises.  
  
"What are you guys doing?" Frodo finally asked.  
  
"We're turning into bats!" MC answered.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"We're vampires!"  
  
"What?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Vampires! We are undead!" TC answered.  
  
"Eh?"  
  
TC and MC glanced at each other skeptically. MC rode right up to Frodo, and licked her teeth menacingly. In a low voice she said: "We suck blood."  
  
"Suck my blood!" Merry (predictably enough) screamed from behind MC. MC elbowed him in the stomach.  
  
"Can't you hobbits get along?" Gandalf yelled, riding Shadowfax some distance ahead of the hobbits. He recieved no answer.  
  
TC proceeded to stand on Sammy's back, spread her arms, and jump into the air. She screamed happily right before landing face first in the mud. She jumped back up, looking indignant, then hopped back onto Sammy. "I'm still fine tuning that..."  
  
"MC WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Merry and Frodo both screamed simultaneously (though for different reasons). The other three hobbits turned their attention to Frodo and MC. MC had Frodo in a kind of headlock, and was going for his neck, her mouth open.  
  
Sam pushed MC away from Frodo. Merry hugged MC from behind. She turned around and Merry gave her a frantic, pleading look.  
  
"NO." MC said firmly.  
  
Gandalf shook his head. "The things those hobbits can do on horseback." he muttered.  
  
The first light of the day began to appear.  
  
"NO!" TC screamed. "WE MUST NOT BE CAUGHT IN THE LIGHT...OH CRAP!"  
  
"What?!" Pippin asked.  
  
"Oh no! We left our capes behind!" MC yelled frantically.  
  
"NO!" TC dove under the cape of the nearest hobbit. She ended up sitting behind Frodo on his horse. She pulled the cape tightly around herself, totally covering her body.  
  
"Agh!" Frodo choked. "TC! You're strangling me!"  
  
MC looked around frantically, and followed suit (of TC) and ended up under Sam's cape.  
  
Merry went hysterical. "No MC!" Merry yelled.  
  
"Can it!" MC yelled back, right before Sam pushed MC off his horse. He then proceeded to pull TC off of Frodo's horse.  
  
"NO!" Both girls writhed on the ground as the daylight hit them.  
  
"Wait!" MC suddenly stopped. "It's not doing anything!"  
  
They both stood up and looked around. A triumphant look crossed TC's face. "I AM THE QUEEN OF ALL VAMPIRES!" TC cried, her arms raised victoriously, an evil gleam in her eye.  
  
"ME TOO! ME TOO!" MC jumped up and down. Realizing the group was leaving them behind, the girls ran to catch up to them and jumped onto their mounts.  
  
"You guys need help." Frodo muttered.  
  
"Do not!" TC cried.  
  
"You guys think you're vampires!" Sam yelled.  
  
"So?" MC asked. "We are."  
  
"NO! Vampires do NOT exist!"  
  
"Then neither do hobbits!" TC yelled. The others got really quiet and stared at her.  
  
"Yeah we do..." Pippin said.  
  
"That's not what she meant, Pip." Merry hissed through gritted teeth. Pippin bore a very confused look.  
  
"But she said---"  
  
"Forget it Pippin!" TC cut him off. "Forget I said anything."  
  
"But..."  
  
"No!"  
  
~~~~  
  
That night they reached Bree. Butterbur immediately greeted them at the Prancing Pony. He took them to the stables to house their horses---and warg.  
  
"BILL!" Sam cried, upon seeing his beloved pony.  
  
"Yes, he came back here a while ago." Butterbur informed them. "Come now! Let's talk, you must have many tales to tell!" Butterbur led them back into the Prancing Pony and into an empty room. There they all sat down and began talking.  
  
"Hey TC!" MC whispered.  
  
"What?" TC whispered back.  
  
"Remember that note that Mr. Butterbur gave Frodo the first time we were here?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Well Gandalf wrote in it that if Butterbur forgot to send it to Frodo that he would roast him!"  
  
"But he gave it to Frodo!"  
  
"But he was supposed to SEND it to Frodo before he got to the inn!"  
  
The realization hit TC. "Oooh!"  
  
There was a pause in the conversation, then the girls glanced at each other and began chanting in unison.  
  
"ROAST HIM! ROAST HIM! ROAST HIM!"  
  
The others stopped and stared.  
  
The girls let out one final cry before being "ushered" out of the room. "YOU SAID YOU'D ROAST HIM!" they yelled at Gandalf. The door slammed, and the two looked at the crowd in the bar.  
  
"Well...what now?" MC asked.  
  
TC grinned. "We can have some fun!" TC emphasized 'fun'.  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
The two girls jumped onto a table and began singing, doing a bit of a jig.  
  
"F is for FRIENDS that do stuff together, U is for U and ME!" The girls paused, looked at each other. "Yeah right!" they said in unison, then carried on with the same tune, different lyrics.  
  
"F is for FIRE that burns down the whole town! U is for Uranium BOMBS! N is for NO SURVIVORS!"  
  
People pulled TC and MC off the table and began carrying them towards the door. The girls continued singing.  
  
"F is for stomping through all the FLOWERS! U is for broken Eukilalies! N is for no peace, no joy and no fun--"  
  
They were inturrupted by a slam, leaving them outside, locked out of the Prancing Pony.  
  
"I guess we've had our fun." MC muttered.  
  
"Not all of it!" TC grinned and took off towards the stables.  
  
"What are you talking about?" MC yelled, following her friend. When they reached the stables, TC made a beeline for Bill's stall. With a conspiring grin, and a lot of difficulty, she mounted the pony.  
  
~~~~  
  
Butterbur, Gandalf, and the four hobbits walked into the bar area. Naturally, they grew suspicious when TC and MC were nowhere to be found.  
  
Sam paled. "Oh no!" he cried. "Poor Bill! He was left unguarded!" Sam then raced for the stables, the other three hobbits following.  
  
Sam was dismayed, yet not surprised, when he did not find Bill in his stall. The missing pony (and hobbits) were quickly located, however, by MC's screams.  
  
Sam, Frodo, Merry, and Pippin ran outside of the stables. They saw MC run by, then a few seconds later TC trotted by on Bill, TC grinned wildly. She moved Bill up a gait and caught up with MC, and started circling her. This enraged Sam (just because Bill was involved. He cared nothing for the fact that MC was terrified by the horse).  
  
MC began screaming at TC to let her out, but TC continued circling. It only took moments for Sam to step in and stop the ordeal, for Bill's sake.  
  
After Sam had put Bill away, the hobbits all sat and stared at each other, unsure of what to do. The silence did not last long, as Gandalf quickly found them and informed them it was time to sleep.   
  
They stayed the night at the Prancing Pony, and in the morning they left for Hobbiton.  
  
There was almost complete silence as they were riding through the woods in the Shire. Naturally, this was quickly changed.  
  
"42." MC said quietly.  
  
"42!" TC said a bit louder.  
  
"42!"  
  
"42!"  
  
The girls continued this, each time getting louder, until they were screaming, and Gandalf had to yell at them to shut up.  
  
  
  
Shortly, they reached Tom Bombadil's house, where Gandalf parted. He wished Frodo and Sam 'good luck' and the hobbits went on to Hobbiton.  
  
"Well, here we are, just the six of us that started out together," Sam said. "We have left all the rest behind, on after another. It seems almost like a dream that has slowly faded."  
  
"Not to me." Frodo said. "To me it feels more like falling asleep again."  
  
A/N: Those last two lines were in RotK, I love those lines, and thought it'd be cool to end the chapter that way, except in the book, Merry said it, not Sam. and the 'fun' song TC and MC sang is from Spongebob Squarepants. 


	28. Home

This is the LAST chapter! That's so sad, in my opinion! :'( yeah, I have trouble when things end. Thats why ROTK makes me cry. And yeah, I did cut out the Scouring of the Shire...and ive decided not to put it in. Im just too lazy, lol. So, I hope you enjoy it. Once again, thank you to everyone who has reviewed, and thanks especcially to Karategurl, who has, as ive said, given me most the ideas for the story. And the part at the Harbors, does have some direct stuff from the book. And I wrote that part long before I wrote the rest of this chapter....I hope you like it.Please Review.   
  
Thanx  
  
~TC  
  
~*~*~  
  
"It's good to be home." Sam said.  
  
"Home." TC turned to MC. "You know what I miss most about home?"  
  
"What?" MC asked, guessing in her head what the answer was.  
  
"Mountain Dew." TC sighed in longing. MC had guessed correctly.  
  
"Of course." MC muttered.  
  
"What's Mountain Dew?" Merry asked.  
  
"The best consumable thing ever created." TC answered, a sad look crossing her face.  
  
"Better than mushrooms?"  
  
"Much!"  
  
"Better than pipeweed, or ale?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Merry and Pippin sat in awe of the thought. Surely, such a substance did not exist.  
  
"You lie!" Merry accused.  
  
"Do not!" TC defended herself.  
  
"Then prove it! Let me have some of this...Mountain Dew, and I shall be the judge."  
  
"Well...it, um...doesnt quite exist yet." TC told Merry sheepishly.  
  
"Aha! You DO lie!" Merry smiled proudly.  
  
"It will exist in about...another 500 years!" MC added cheerfully.  
  
~~~~  
  
They reached Hobbiton, where Frodo, Sam, TC, and MC each went to their own separate hobbitholes. Merry started following MC and TC, but Pippin stopped him.  
  
"Merry, no more stalking." Pippin said. Then, Pippin and Merry went off to their homes.  
  
"Well, uh, what now?" TC asked, once they were inside their hobbithole. She looked at MC expectantly.  
  
"That, uh...was an interesting experience." MC said, nodding at her own words.  
  
"Yes," TC agreed, looking down at the floor with wide, unblinking eyes. "Yes it was." TC paused and looked up. "So what now?"  
  
"I can't believe it's over!" MC fondled her sword. "Didn't really want it to end..."  
  
"You're avoiding the question, MC." TC snapped. "We are stuck in a time that doesn't exist, as creatures that don't exist!"  
  
"Well, what are we supposed to do about that?"  
  
"What CAN we do about it?"  
  
"Nothing!"  
  
"But we have to do something!"  
  
"Why do you want to leave here so bad, anyways?"  
  
"I want to go HOME!" TC said sadly. After a few minutes of silence, she continued: "But it's past dark now, and I'm tired, so I'm going to bed!" TC stormed off to her room.  
  
"Well...fine!" With that, MC walked to her room.  
  
~~~~  
  
In the middle of the night, someone knocked on their door. Both girls got up and answered it, to find Merry and Pippin, looking rather upset.  
  
"What?" TC demanded.  
  
"Follow us!" Merry said.  
  
"Now there's a change." MC muttered to TC as Merry and Pippin hopped onto their ponies. MC quickly jumped onto the back of Pippin's pony, leaving TC to ride with Merry.  
  
"What's going on?" MC asked as they started going towards their unknown destination.  
  
There came no answer, and there was silence until they reached the Harbors, where Frodo, Sam, Gandalf, Bilbo, Elrond, Galadriel, and many other elves were.  
  
"You tried to give us the slip before, and failed, Frodo." Pippin laughed through his tears. "This time you have nearly succeeded, but you've failed again. It wasn't Sam who gave you away this time, but Gandalf."  
  
"Yes," said Gandalf. "I figured it better for a group to ride back, than Sam alone. Here, at last, dear friends, on the shores of the sea comes the end of our fellowship in Middle Earth. Go in peace."  
  
Frodo then kissed the other hobbits, even TC and MC. He then boarded the ship, and it slowly slipped away. The light of the glass of Galadriel that Frodo had glimmered and was lost.  
  
The four hobbits sat there on their mounts for a long while, crying. Finally they turned and rode back to their homes.  
  
Pippin and Merry rode with MC and TC to their home--the very hobbit hole they had come through when they landed in Hobbiton.  
  
When the two girls opened the door, they were surprised. It no longer revealed a hobbit-hole, but MC's house.  
  
"I guess it's time for us to go back." TC stated, sadly.  
  
"Do you have to?" Merry asked. "We've already said goodbye to Frodo tonight."  
  
"It looks like we have to." MC told him. MC hugged Merry one last time, as did TC with Pippin. Slowly they let go and walked into the house. MC began closing the door.  
  
"WAIT!"  
  
~*~*~ 


	29. Technically, We Do Not Exist

Part 2  
  
Chapter 1-Technically, We Don't Exist.  
  
TC and MC paused. They'd both heard Pippin scream for them to stop. MC caught the door before it fully closed.  
  
"I don't wanna come back." MC said quietly.  
  
"Neither do I...I like Hobbiton, I wanna stay there." TC replied. MC reopened the door. Merry and Pippin saw them, and in their joy, tackled the two girls back into MC's house. Pippin accidentally kicked the door, causing it to close. All four of them paused, silence ensued. They all stared at the door. Merry and Pippin didn't understand why TC and MC suddenly looked very worried.  
  
"Oh no...we're in trouble..." MC stated.  
  
"You guys are idiots!" TC continued.  
  
"Why?" Pippin and Merry asked simutaneously.  
  
"THIS!" MC walked over to the door, and opened it, revealing her front yard. There was no trace of Hobbiton. "THIS IS WHY!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
They heard the garage door shut.  
  
"Yes and now that we've cleared that up MY MOM IS HOME!"  
  
"That could be bad." TC pessimized.  
  
"Well, considering there's two hobbits in my front hall, YES IT COULD BE BAD!" MC screamed at her. "Merry! Pippin! Quick! Get in the closet!" MC quickly shoved the two hobbits into the closet and slammed the door shut. Then she ran over next to TC.  
  
"Hey girls--er..." MC's mom walked into the hallway, then stared at the two girls in confusion. "Tawny, Marie, WHAT HAPPENED?!"  
  
"It's TC and MC!" MC corrected. "and what do you mean 'what happened'?"  
  
"You're short! Pointy ears..."  
  
"Uh oh!" TC and MC both looked down at themselves. They were still hobbits!  
  
"Well..." TC said. "A lot of stuff happened..."  
  
There was quite a racket coming from the closet. MC's mom began yelling at them. "AND HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO PUT THE CAT IN THE CLOSET?! MY GOSH! THAT'S WORSE THAN RUNNING IT OVER WITH A LAWNMOWER!"  
  
"But mom...that was you!"  
  
"IT'S STILL WORSE!"  
  
"Merry!" Pippin grunted, suddenly, as the two hobbits fell out of the closet.  
  
"This just keeps getting better and better." TC muttered sarcastically.  
  
"WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE! Wait, don't answer! I don't want to know! Just...just fix this yourself and I won't tell your father."  
  
"But MOM!" MC whined. "How am I supposed to change the species of me and my friend and make two other hobbits dissappear?! I only have five minutes until dad gets home!"  
  
"Well I was only gone for five minutes!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I left five minutes ago to pick your brother up, now I'm back. It's only been five minutes."  
  
"We've been gone for over a year...."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"WE'VE BEEN IN MIDDLE EARTH!" TC yelled, earning a blank stare from her friend's mother. She decided to elaborate. "We were gonna go see the horses but we left and when we got outside the door closed and we were surrounded by hobbits and hobbit holes and we couldn't get back and we realized we were in Hobbiton and then we realized we were hobbits too and we were stuck because the door had closed and so we started looking for a way out and we saw Merry and Pippin but we didn't talk to them because I was too shy and then we were riding a horse on a path and we ran into Merry and Pippin and two other hobbits Sam and Frodo and they didn't like us and they weren't very nice to us and so we joined them on their journey thing and then we were chased by a ring wraith on a big black bloody horse and so the horse me and Pippin were riding threw us across the river and so we went to Bree where we ran into this dude, Aragorn, or something so he began leading us into the wild and we went to Weathertop and my feet got set on fire so MC's were hairier and then the wraiths attacked and stabbed Frodo so we had to leave immediately and so then this other elf came and took Frodo away and so we had to walk the rest of the way to Rivendell and Merry began stalking MC and me and Sam didn't like each other and he never let me ride Bill but then he did and he made me fall off and then we fought the rest of the way and then we finally reached Rivendell then we set off and there were eleven of us and we were the 'Fellowship of the Ring' and so we went to the Pass of Carahdras and almost froze to death so we went to Moria and Gandalf fought a demon thing and fell into fire and died, but not really, and Pippin threw a skeleton down the well which alerted orcs and woke the demon thing up and Merry tried to carry MC all the way through and then we left after Gandalf sort of died and then we went to Lothlorien and there were elves and Galadriel, some weird elf lady, gave us things, except she didn't give anything to me she just slapped me because I gave everyone there different hair cuts and different hair colors and so they tried to drown me and MC and then she made us leave so we canoed down a river and Frodo left us and the four of us got captured and Sam and Frodo abandoned us and so we were taken by these orcs and then they tried to take us to Isengard then they tried to eat us then they got slaughtered so then Aragorn and Legolas and Gimli came back and then Gandalf came back so we went to some city, Edoras, and I beheaded a chicken and got chased by it's owner so then we all had to leave to go to Helm's Deep and I got a pet warg because we had to fight those things and I kept one and Aragorn and Pippin and MC went over a cliff and we thought they were dead and so we left and they came to Helm's Deep after we had gotten there and I accidentally shot Aragorn with a mudball, like on Carahdras with the snowballs, and he wasn't happy so he chased me for a while then he informed Theoden, the king, that there was an army of orcs ten thousand strong headed for Helm's Deep so they came and we battled them and began losing so then Gandalf came and he had a herd of people with him and I sicced my warg on the orcs and they ran away like wusses so then we went to Isengard and Pippin and Merry became giants and absolutely destroyed the place so then we left back for Edoras but Pippin looked in this glass ball so me and him and Gandalf had to go to Minas Tirith and everyone else had to go to Helm's Deep and so then Pippin became a knight for Denethor and I had to stay alone in the city but I managed to entertain myself but then orcs and wraiths attacked and I totally destroyed the city, well, not totally, and then Rohan people came and MC and Merry were with them and we beat the orcs then went to fight near Mordor cause that's where Frodo and Sam were and Merry helped Eowyn kill the leader ring wraith and I saved Pippin from being smothered by a cave troll and then Frodo and Sam, well, actually Gollum destroyed the ring because he bit off Frodo's finger and danced around and tripped over the edge and fell into the fires of mount Doom and so we all went back to Gondor because Aragorn was heir to the throne so then all of us hobbits went back to Hobbiton and then Frodo had to leave with elves and Gandalf and Bilbo to the grey Havens and it was sad and then we came back and the portal was opened to here again and so we went through and then Pippin yelled for us to wait so we opened the door and then they tackled us and Pippin kicked the door shut accidentally so the portal closed and so then you came and I don't know why we're still hobbits and why they are and...and..."TC then passed out from lack of air, as she had forgotten to breathe through her whole speech. MC and her mother weren't worried, it happened a lot.  
  
"You guys are really getting into your role-playing." MC's mother decided aloud.  
  
"We weren't role playing!" MC protested.  
  
"Whatever...anyways, just fix this yourselves." With that, MC's mother walked off.  
  
"Great. Just great!" MC flopped down on the floor. Merry and Pippin walked over.  
  
"Your mom doesn't know how to pronounce my name." Merry stated bluntly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"She emphasized the wrong part."  
  
"Oh, that. She wasn't mispronouncing your name, Merry."  
  
At this moment, TC woke up, looking rather confused. MC continued what she was saying.  
  
"She was saying my REAL name. MC is only a nickname. My real name is Marie."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's like, how people call you Merry, but your real name is Meriadoc." TC joined into the conversation.  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"Who's Tawny?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Me." TC replied. "But if you ever call either of us by our real names..."  
  
"You will pay dearly!" MC finished.  
  
"Anyways, how are we supposed to fix this?"  
  
"Fix what?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Our...hobbitness." MC answered.  
  
"What's wrong with being hobbits?"  
  
"Well, technically, we don't exist." TC informed them.  
  
Merry and Pippin stared at the girls blankly.  
  
"We gotta get out of here!" TC hissed, and ran out the front door, the other three following her.  
  
~~~~  
  
"This just doesn't make sense!" MC said, for about the thousandth time. They were walking through the cornfield located in MC's yard.  
  
"Will you please tell us what doesn't make sense?"  
  
"When we went through from Earth to Middle Earth, we went from humans to hobbits. When we came back to now, we remained hobbits. So it doesn't make sense that you guys wouldn't turn into humans, and it makes less sense that we didn't turn back to humans..."  
  
"Yeah." TC agreed. "I mean, we should have at least gone back to human form. That is what we really are, after all."  
  
"No! You girls are hobbits!" Merry and Pippin insisted at the same time.  
  
"If we're hobbits, shouldn't we be in a time and place where hobbits exist?"  
  
"WE DO EXIST! STOP SAYING THAT!" Pippin yelled.  
  
"Hobbits only exist in Middle Earth!"  
  
"Well, apparently they exist in the 21st century, as well." MC stated.  
  
The four were silent for a while.  
  
"So what now?" TC finally asked.  
  
"We could..." MC was trying to come up with a suggestion.  
  
"I feel like frolicking!" Merry said.  
  
"Me too." Pippin added  
  
"Why does that sound familiar?" MC asked.  
  
"I doubt anyone is at my house," TC said, ignoring the others. "we could go there."  
  
"But people will get home."  
  
"We could just get the essential stuff. Money, clothes, stuff like that."  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"The clothes will be way too big, and there's no way we'd be able to show our faces in public, thus the money would not be useful."  
  
"Oh. Right. We have to do something, though."  
  
"One of our friends! We could get one of our friends to help us!"  
  
"Yeah...our friends are great, but I just don't think any of them would quite...understand our situation, here." TC pessimized.  
  
"Rhia!" MC yelled.  
  
"Oh yeah! She knows what it's like to be a hobbit in the current day!" TC said sarcastically.  
  
"Well, she'd be least likely to freak out."  
  
"True. Fine. We'll go to my house and call her."  
  
"Why don't we just go to her house?"  
  
"What if her mom, or her brother answers the door?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"Okay." TC and MC began walking in the other direction, towards TC's house. Merry and Pippin followed.  
  
"I wish it was dark." MC said.  
  
"Yeah." TC agreed.  
  
"Why?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Because we're freaks." TC answered nonchalantly.  
  
"No we aren't."  
  
"Yeah, trust me, we are." MC said.  
  
"We're perfectly normal!"  
  
"We aren't REAL!" TC yelled. Silence ensued. They reached the edge of the cornfield and began walking next to the road, as there were no trees to hide them.  
  
"Ah crap!" MC suddenly muttered. A car was driving in the road. The driver spotted them. The hobbits began running. Luckily at this point, they were very close to TC's house. They reached the driveway and TC regretted that it was gravel, and on a very steep incline. Luckily, the car didn't follow them.  
  
~~~~  
  
"Hello, is Rhia there?" TC asked into the phone.  
  
"HOLY CRAP!" Merry yelled from her room.  
  
"TOLD YOU!" MC and TC both yelled back. Then TC heard someone on the other end of the line. "Hey, Rhia?"  
  
"Yeah, who is this?" Rhia answered.  
  
"This is TC."  
  
"Oh hey! What's up?"  
  
"Uh...well...I think it would be better if we explained this to you in person."  
  
"Good or bad?"  
  
"Well, that really depends on how you look at it. Me, MC and some...friends are here. Can you help us?"  
  
"With what?"  
  
"Like I said, it'd be better if we explained this...face to face."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"When you come, come alone. Please." TC requested, right before a loud explosion occured.  
  
"TC!" Rhia scolded. "You've been using the microwave, haven't you?"  
  
"That wasn't me...it was, Pippin."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Just come, now!"  
  
"Fine."  
  
They hung up. 


	30. The Mountain Dew Crisis and The Ring

A/N: The song that MC sings is Mudpie, by Blyss. Blyss is the former name of the band Lifehouse. I do not own the band/song. And I know it doesnt really seem like it yet, trust me, there IS a plot! I swear! lol. And about TC's room...well...it may seem like we're making a big exaggeration, but, we arent. Its like my room. My room, is quite...disorganized. While yes, there is a slight exaggeration with the thing under the bed, my room is about one step away from being that bad. And Im very sorry about the delay of this chapter. I was in the school musical and had absolutely no life. and now im apparently in foresics, so the chapters will be coming very slowly...sorry, please bear with me.  
  
Chapter 2-The Mountain Dew Spill and an Engagement Ring  
  
"What's that?" Pippin asked, referring to the refridgerator TC was looking through.  
  
"It's a fridge." TC answered, her look of concentration turning into a look of sheer joy as she let out a squeak of excitement and pulled out a two liter bottle of Mountain Dew.  
  
Merry spotted this and walked over. "So THIS is Mountain Dew!" he said with a grin, grabbing the bottle from TC just as she was about to drink from it.  
  
"Hey! Give that back!" TC tried to take it back from Merry. He would not let go, however. The two began wrestling over it. MC and Pippin quickly evacuated the kitchen as Mountain Dew sprayed everywhere. When TC and Merry stopped fighting, the bottle was completely empty. It's contents were spilled all over the kitchen. The two hobbits were quite soaked, as well.  
  
"Oops." TC said, surveying the mess, then glared at Merry. "You wasted my Mountain Dew!"   
  
"You helped!" Merry yelled.  
  
TC was about to go after Merry, but someone knocked at the door. TC walked over and opened it.  
  
"Hey Rhia."  
  
Rhia stared at the hobbits. "Um...what...what happened?"  
  
"A lot happened, actually." MC replied, walking down the hall to brave TC's room. TC began to explain the whole story. Though, a more summarized version of what she told MC's mom. MC somersaulted out of TC's room, quickly pulling the door shut, and grabbed the personal cd player that came out with her.  
  
TC finished talking and Rhia stood, dumbfounded. "Well." was all she could think of to say. TC, who was now sitting on the counter, stared at the mess in the kitchen. She shook her head in dissappointment.  
  
"I guess I should clean this up." TC jumped off the counter and grabbed all the clean towels from the hallway closet.  
  
"So you guys have been in Middle Earth for the past thirteen months, assissting the Fellowship, including Hobbits, a Dwarf, and Elf, and a wizard?"  
  
"Well, I wouldn't say they...'assissted.'" Pippin mused. "More like, 'hindered.'"  
  
"Hey!" TC cried defensively, while stuffing the soaked towels in the washing machine.  
  
"MC didn't hinder us!" Merry yelled.  
  
"You can't be serious!" TC said, in disbelief.  
  
"She tried to kill you!" Pippin screamed.  
  
"So? That was just a misunderstanding." Merry stated. "We worked through it."  
  
"She tried to kill you SEVERAL TIMES!"  
  
"She tried to kill Aragorn!" TC yelled.  
  
"So?" Merry sked.  
  
"She...she...pissed Aragorn off!"  
  
"Not as much as you did!" Merry accused.  
  
TC paled, her eyes grew wide. "Now...hey! That's off the subject!"  
  
"No! You hit him in the face with a snowball on Caradhras, you hit him with a mudball in Helm's Deep---"  
  
"Now, I wasn't the only one---"  
  
"You made him have a mental break down!"  
  
"Well, that wasn't--"  
  
"You scared him off at the council!"  
  
"MC helped!"  
  
"AFTER breaking a statue!"  
  
"Oh...well..."  
  
"You let the wraiths know when we were on Weathertop!"  
  
"Now I was sleep---"  
  
"You drenched everyone on the river!"  
  
"You guys helped!"  
  
"You destroyed everyone's hair!"  
  
"Hey now! MC was in on that---"  
  
"YOU COMPLETELY DESTROYED MINAS TIRITH!"  
  
"Well...not by myself!"  
  
"You beheaded a chicken, adopted a warg, almost threw Gandalf down a well, assisted Pippin in looking in the Palantir, knocked a guy out riding Shadowfax..."  
  
"ENOUGH!" TC yelled. "I get your point!"  
  
"Wow." Rhia said in amazement. "You really tore up Middle Earth!"  
  
"Well...not on purpose! And...and MC helped!"  
  
MC walked into the kitchen, completely oblivious to the others. She had TC's headphones on, listening to TC's Lifehouse cd in TC's cd player. TC glared at her. MC began singing.  
  
"Nothing but a mudpie wrapped up inside with a pretty bow. Nothing but a for sale sign on a house that's already sold---"  
  
TC grabbed her cd player from MC and whacked her over the head with it. She then returned it to her room.  
  
"I'm hungry." Pippin commented, rubbing his stomach as it growled.  
  
"Okay..." TC began muttering incoherently as she rummaged through her cupboards. She pulled out a small box of Cracker Jacks, opened it, and handed it to Pippin. He began to eat the Cracker Jacks. Then, suddenly, he came across something.  
  
"What's this?" Pippin held up a small, plastic ring.  
  
Merry's eyes grew wide. He dived at Pippin and wrestled the ring from him.  
  
"Hey!" Pippin yelled. "That's mine!"  
  
"MC!" Merry fell down onto one knee in front of MC, holding the ring out in front of him. "Will you marry me?"  
  
MC stared at the ring with contempt. There were moments of silence (other than TC laughing), until MC finally grabbed the ring from Merry. She ran down the hall and threw it into TC's room. Everyone stared at her in question.  
  
"Oh...um...oops." MC stated with a hint of sarcasm. "Merry...I...uh...'accidentally' lost the ring in TC's room...if you get it out, I will marry you."  
  
Merry, without hesitation, ran over to TC's room. He paused when he reached MC. "Don't worry, my lady." He placed his hand on her shoulder. MC gave him a worried look. "I will get your ring!" With that, Merry drew his sword and charged into TC's room. The door flung shut, and they could hear Merry screaming.   
  
"Merry!" Pippin screamed, running to the door, pounding on it. Many thumps and crashes were heard, followed by unknown strangled cries, then all at once the noises ceased. "MERRY!" Pippin sunk down on the floor in despair.  
  
"Well." MC grinned. "Now that he's out of the way---"  
  
"NO!" Pippin sobbed.  
  
"NOW we can get down to business."  
  
"You are pure evil!" TC said, shaking her head.  
  
"Something HAD to be done! NOW, can we decide what we're going to do?" MC walked over to the table and sat down. Rhia and TC followed suit.  
  
"So..." Rhia said.  
  
"There has to be SOME way to reverse this!" TC stated.  
  
"Um...how exactly did this happen?"   
  
"WE ALREADY TOLD YOU!" MC shouted. "We opened my door and, well, there was Hobbiton!"  
  
"So why are you here then?"  
  
"This is getting too redundant!" TC yelled and began pacing.  
  
Rhia jumped at the onslaught of yelling. "Fine...what do you propose we do?"  
  
"That's why we called you over here. That's why we asked you to help." TC replied flatly. "WE DON'T KNOW!"   
  
"Okay...why don't you go over to MC's house and try to see if that works..."  
  
"Gee. I don't know why we didn't think of that." MC said sarcastically.   
  
"So from what I gather we're just gonna hang out here until we die?" TC asked angrily.  
  
"I don't know why you thought I could help..."  
  
TC fumed and continued her pacing while MC and Rhia sat in thought. Their concentration was broke when TC's door flung open and Merry tumbled out. The door slammed shut behind him. Merry stood up, holding the plastic ring triumphantly out in front of him. His face was scratched, his clothes were torn, and his hair was standing straight on end, but he did not care.  
  
"I got it!" Merry yelled happily.  
  
"Oh no!" MC's face paled.  
  
"You couldn't have just said no, could you? You had to give him room for success." TC muttered, laughing quietly.  
  
"MC, why exactly do you hate Merry so much?" Rhia asked. "You were quite fond of him last time I talked to you."  
  
"That was a year ago! BEFORE he started stalking me!" MC screamed, storming upstairs.  
  
"Oh, it couldn't have been THAT bad..." Rhia commented to TC.  
  
"He carried her through Moria." TC calmly informed her.  
  
"Well, that was only one incident."  
  
"He wanted her to suck his blood."  
  
"That's disturbing..."  
  
"We got used to it." TC paused. At MC's scream from upstairs, she added: "Well, with the exception of MC, at any rate." There was another blood curdling scream from upstairs.  
  
"Why is she so mad?" Merry asked, innocently.  
  
"She isn't mad." TC grinned. "She's just...overwhelmed. I mean, she's just SO happy that you finally asked. She was getting frustrated that you hadn't asked sooner."  
  
"That's why she's been avoiding me!" Merry's eyes got wide with realization. He gasped. "I need to go apologize to her for making her wait so long!"  
  
"Yes! Go on!"  
  
Merry ran upstairs. TC was grinning wildly. In roughly ten seconds MC screeched and flew down the stairs, then right into the bathroom. Merry ran after her.  
  
"Wait! MC! I'm sorry!" Merry began trying to open the bathroom door, but MC had locked it. "I know I should have asked sooner, but I DID ask!"  
  
"AHH!" MC let out a strangled cry.  
  
"Well. Now I can see where she might get angry..." Rhia stated. "Now, we need to get MC out of there, and convince Merry to leave her alone. He should let her be if we tell him to back off, if we reason with him, right?"  
  
TC stared thoughtfully at the hobbit hurling himself against the door and yanking on the doorknob, screaming his apologies desperately, despite MC's screams at him to go away. "Well..." TC drawled. "You can reason with him all you want...bu I don't think it's gonna work..."  
  
"You should fix this."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You started it."  
  
"NO! Merry did!"  
  
"YOU made it worse."  
  
"FINE! Pippin! Come here!"  
  
Pippin walked over to TC and Rhia. "What?"  
  
"Okay, we are getting MC out of there, and locking Merry in. When I tell you to, tackle him, alright?"  
  
"You're locking him in?"  
  
"Yeah, but I can pick the lock."  
  
"Okay."   
  
Pippin walked over and stood a couple feet from Merry. TC ran into her parents' bedroom, which had an alternate door to the bathroom. She knocked on the door and began whispering. "MC, it's TC! Unlock the door, I'll get you out of here!" MC unlocked the door and TC rushed into the bathroom, pushing TC out. "TAKE HIM DOWN PIPPIN!" TC screamed at the top of her lungs (just to make sure Pippin heard her). TC unlocked the main door and opened it. To her surprise, Pippin had not done his job. To everyone's shock, Merry quickly tackled TC and kissed her. 


	31. Back to MC's house

Hey sorry it took so fricken long to post---gotta hate that writer's block. Anyways here is the next chapter! Hope you enjoy! And if you have any ideas whatsoever---please share!  
  
And I created a website for my other story, More Than A Little Crazy. it out.

MC, Rhia, and Pippin watched in utter confusion. TC then slapped Merry and stormed out of the bathroom.  
  
"You!" she growled, pointing at Pippin while she stalked over to him. "You were supposed to keep him occupied!"  
  
"Oh my gosh!" Merry yelled in disgust. His jaw kept moving as though he were going to say something, but nothing came out.  
  
MC noticed the oppurtunity. She walked over and slapped Merry. "We aren't engaged for five minutes and already you're cheating on me! And with TC no less!" Mc ripped the ring off her finger and threw it at Merry.  
  
"Wait! MC! I didn't realize it was TC! Trust me, if I'd known it was here I would not have done that!"  
  
TC scowled at Merry, then resumed her rocking and twitching.  
  
"I'm sorry MC!" Merry cried. "You and TC just look so much alike!"  
  
"That doesn't help!" MC screamed. Rhia, standing in the background, made a guesture like she was digging a grave. She seemed to be directing this towards Merry as she shook her head.  
  
"What did I do wrong?" Merry wailed.  
  
"Everything, or just the major things?" MC asked.  
  
"Everything!" Merry replied enthusiastically. "I want to be a better hobbit for you."  
  
"I don't think we have time for everything...We need to be heading back to my house."  
  
"Why your house?" TC asked.  
  
"Maybe we can get back through the door. I mean, it was at my house that we got to Hobbiton, and then back again."  
  
"Good point."  
  
"I guess I'm driving." Rhia presumed.  
  
"Well, me or MC technically could...but I don't think either of us could see the road. And they," TC guestured to Merry and Pippin, "have seen about one car in their entire existence, which they were running away from."  
  
"Yeah..." Rhia said slowly. "Okay everyone, follow me!"  
  
"I got shotgun!" MC screamed.  
  
"Thanks." TC muttered sarcastically as they all followed Rhia to her car. Merry and Pippin both stopped as soon as they saw it.  
  
"What is that?" Merry asked Pippin quietly, trying not to let on to the girls that he didn't know what it was.  
  
"I don't know," Pippin whispered, "but it's scaring me."  
  
The three girls, being two feet away, could, of course, hear this conversation. They raised their eyebrows at Pippin's comment and looked at the car, which was just sitting in the driveway, not even turned on.  
  
"It's a car. It's like a horse cart...except without the horse." TC explained. "And it's faster. Now get in."  
  
MC got in the passengers seat, and Merry got in the seat behind her. TC and Pippin stood on the other side of the car.  
  
"I am not sitting in the middle." TC stated firmly.  
  
"I'm not getting in until you get in." Pippin replied.  
  
"Why not? Everyone else is in, so you can trust its safe!"  
  
"Maybe you did something to it!"  
  
"Why would I?"  
  
"I'm not getting in until you do!"  
  
"Fine!" TC begrudgingly got in and buckled her seat belt. She started to tell Merry and Pippin to do the same, but decided not to. If they got into an accident, it would make her life all the peacefuller. Then Rhia destroyed her plan by making the guys buckle up, and proceeded to turn the car on.  
  
Pippin and Merry immediately clung to TC, both screaming inaudible phrases that the girls were sure they didn't need to hear anyways.  
  
"Guys, the car will not blow up. It's supposed to do this." TC said angrily through gritted teeth. Merry and Pippin paid no heed to what she said as Rhia drove out of the driveway. They continued to grip TC and look about nervously all while the car was in motion.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity to TC, but was in reality only two minutes, they arrived at MC's house. Slowly they crept in single file. Rhia went in first to make sure no one was nearby. They made their way to the front door, TC and MC humming the theme to Mission Impossible as they went.  
  
"Alright." MC whispered. "I'll open the door and lets pray we see Hobbiton." The other three hobbits looked on in anticipation and hope as MC slowly pulled the door open. It revealed her front lawn. MC screamed in frustration and slammed the door shut, then proceeded to open and slam it repeatedly.  
  
"Marie is that you?" MC's mom called from the basement.  
  
"Oh crap!" MC hissed, shutting the door a final time. They could hear her mother walking up the steps.  
  
"Quick! Our capes!" Pippin whispered and he and Merry pulled their capes over themselves as they crouched down.  
  
"We left ours back in Middle Earth...when we were vampires!" TC stated regretfully.  
  
"The closet!" MC dove into the closet, TC followed her and shut the door behind them, just as MC's mother walked in.  
  
"Well hello Rhia...what are you doing here?" MC's mother greeted semicheerfully.  
  
"Me and MC were...supposed to go bowling." Rhia lied, smiling in a corny manner.  
  
"Oh." MC's mother eyed the Merry and Pippin forms suspiciously. "Why are there two large rocks in my front hallway?"  
  
"Gifts. MC likes rocks."  
  
"Really? That must be a new development...the other day I caught her beating a rock and using rather profane language on it..."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I think it was in her way...but I'll go see if I can fine her. She's had an odd day. Hopefully she got rid of those two boys she had in the closet earlier. I swear, that girl does some of the wierdest things ever. Well, hopefully I can figure out where she's run off to. Please, sit down while I look." With that, MC's mother walked off. As soon as she was out of site, Rhia kicked each of the two 'rocks.' Merry and Pippin pulled their capes off and glared at her as she opened the closet door. The girls tumbled out.  
  
"Don't ever shut me in a closet with her again!" MC growled, she and TC both were getting a good distance between themselves, each looking equally disturbed.  
  
"What happened in there?" Rhia asked.  
  
"Well nothing happened, but do you know how wierd it is being shut in a SMALL closet with someone of the same gender? MC explained. "Rhia, could you see if my brother's in his room?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Merry and Pippin need clothes."  
  
"What if he's in there?"  
  
"Get him out."  
  
"Okay..." Rhia walked u pthe steps and down the hall to MC's brother's room. She opened the door while the hobbits watched. They could see Rhia saying something, and so deduced that MC's brother was indeed in the room. Then Rhia smiled seductively and strutted into the room. MC's brother ran out screaming shortly after. He ran right by the hobbits without even noticing them. They quickly ran into his room, Merry and Pippin stopped at the doorway and looked dubiously at the mess while MC and TC charged in, not even flinching. MC went straight to her brother's closet and opened the door, there were no clothes hanging up. However, the floor (of his whole room, really, not just the closet) was abundant with clothes.  
  
"Crap, he just couldn't do his laundry, could he?" MC muttered and began fishing around in his room. She found two pairs of shorts and two shirts. She paused when she came across his boxers, and stared at TC expectantly.  
  
"I'm not touching them." TC stated quickly and firmly. The two girls stared at the offending boxers for several moments before TC grabbed a nearby tennis racket and got the boxers on the end and shoved them at the boys.  
  
"We're all going to my room, just across the hall. Change in here." MC commanded, and the girls then exited.  
  
Several minutes later they all rejoined in the hallway. MC and TC were wearing MC's clothes, Merry and Pippin in MC's brother's clothes, and Rhia in her own clothes.  
  
Then it happened, and the frighted screaming ensued. 


	32. MC's mom gets PISSED

Chapter 4  
  
Merry's face turned bright red as the other four screamed, shielding their eyes. He quickly pulled his trousers up.  
  
"Merry..." Mc gasped, after the screaming ceased, "why aren't you wearing any boxers?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I handed you boxers on the tennis racket." TC said, still closing her eyes. "You're supposed to wear them under your pants." Pippin's eyes widened upon hearing this and he dashed back into MC's brother's room.  
  
"I thought it was a choice!" Merry then ran into the room as well.  
  
"Marie?" Mc's mother called. "What's going on?"  
  
"Crap!" MC pulled Rhia and TC into the bathroom and locked the door. They could hear MC's mother outside in the hall looking for them.  
  
"MC are you having flashbacks too?" TC whispered.  
  
"Yes." MC muttered.  
  
"Of what?" Rhia asked.  
  
MC and TC began to explain about a certain incident that happened when they were on a trip with MC's family up north in the family's cabin for New Year's. The two girls were sitting on the couch and MC's brother walked through the room in a towel (for he'd just showered) and went up the stairs. Somehow it came about that MC and her brother were betting on whether or not he was still wearing a towel once he had gotten upstairs. He proved he was not, much to the girls' displeasure.  
  
They also told another tale from the same trip when the two girls were in their room and MC's brother ran in and under the bottom bunk bed and both girls were screaming from atop their beds for him to get out. He told them, from under the bed, that he'd managed to lose his pants AND his boxers under the bed. Not seeing how this was possible, the girls didn't believe him. They should have.  
  
"Well this is nice and all but it really doesn't help us!" Rhia pointed out.  
  
Then the girls heard MC's mom screaming from the hallway. When defending cries from Merry and Pippin followed, the girls realized that MC's mom must have found them. However, when she began screaming about never letting MC have gay friends over again, the bathroom occupants became a little worried. They heard MC's mom storm down the stairs, to the front door, open the door, shout something, and slam the door.  
  
"MARIE ROSE CARTON!" MC's mother screamed louder than any of the girls thought was possible. MC quickly locked the bathroom door.  
  
"Holy crap she's pissed!" TC whispered, stating the obvious. "What did Merry and Pippin do?"  
  
"That's a very good question." MC replied, eyeing the door nervously.  
  
They then heard a pounding on the bathroom door. It was MC's mom. "Marie Carton I know you're in there! Come out now!"  
  
"Um...it's gonna have to wait a minute mom. I'm kind of...occupied."  
  
"No, we need to talk NOW! Unlock this door!"  
  
"I really can't talk right now."  
  
MC didn't have a choice, as her mother kicked the door open. Her face was bright red, and her eyes showed a tint of red as well. Several veins in her forehead and neck were bulging and there was almost quite literally smoke coming out of her ears.  
  
"Hi Mrs. Carton." TC greeted, looking quite terrified, along with MC and Rhia.  
  
"Tawny and Rhia, get out, NOW." Mrs. Carton commanded through gritted teeth.  
  
TC looked at MC in fear for her friend. "I'll oversee the funeral plans." she muttered before she and Rhia ran out of the room, down the stairs and out the front door. "Oh crap."  
  
"Go think about what's been done in this house today!" MC's mom screamed, pushing MC our the front door. They saw Merry and Pippin. "And you two-GET OUT!" With that, Mrs. Carton slammed the door shut.  
  
"What did you two do?!" MC screamed at the hobbits.  
  
"Merry was putting his boxers on when your mom charged in and saw him and started screaming about gay people!"  
  
"She thought you were doing...dirty things!" MC shrieked. "No wonder she was pissed. Where are TC and Rhia?"  
  
"They never came out."  
  
"Yes they did, my mom sent them out..."  
  
"We never saw them come out."  
  
"Crap. You know what this means?"  
  
"What?  
  
"They're back in Hobbiton." 


	33. The Idiocy of Them All

A/N: I know there's some innacurracies in this chapter but....for the sake of the story let it go. thanks.  
  
Chapter 5: The Idiocy of Them All  
  
TC was immediately tackled by a large hair creature. Rhia interpreted the shrieks that followed as cries for help, as the beast was completely eclipsing the hobbit, and showing no signs of relenting.  
"Hold on TC!" Rhia yelled and looked around her for an object she could use to beat the creature off. The saw two ponies standing nearby watching the scene in complete disinterest. Rhia noticed the scords hanging off the saddles, and she quickly grabbed one.  
"Rhia!" TC screamed.  
"I'll kill him!" Rhia then proceeded to beat the creature repeatedly with the face of the sword.  
"NO!" TC cried as the beast turned his attention to Rhia. "Sammy, leave her alone!" TC commanded, but the warg ignored her. "Sammy! Don't you dare!" It took a few more commands before Sammy finally ceased his pending attack. "Sorry, he's kind of going through an identity crisis right now." TC informed Rhia, who was trying to avoid looking at her. At that point TC realized her face was dripping with Sammy slobber, so she wiped it off, to the best of her ability, much to Rhia's relief.  
"So that...is that a warg?" Rhia asked, poking Sammy's forehead, causing a growl.  
"Yeah, picked him up on oour way to Helm's Deep." TC said, mounting Sammy. "Hop on one of the ponies, we're going to see Sam."  
"Sam? As in Samwise Gamgee?"  
"Yes."  
"You know him?"  
"Rhia...did you not listen when I explained what happened?"  
"I thought you made it up."  
"Judas Priest how'd you think we became hobbits?"  
"I don't know, I thought you'd gotten too into your role-playing!"  
  
"Well we are royally screwed." MC pessimized. "We have to get back to Hobbiton somehow, but the only way I know of is from inside my house and through that front door, but that really isn't an option anymore since my mom thinks that I invited two male friends over to practice their gay habits, then she walked in on me and my two femal friends locked in the bathroom and automatically assumed we were doing lesbian things with each other!" MC stopped her rant and stared at Merry and Pippin, expecting consolation of some sort, but recieved none, since Merry and Pippin had no idea what MC had just said, so they simply stared back.  
"So..." Merry said, once he'd decided the awkward pause had lasted long enough. The utterance was a waste however, as it was followed by another long, awkward pause.  
Finally, Pippin spoke. "I just don't get why what we did was so bad."  
"Well it wasn't, but my mom thought you were doing something else. This is a whole different world that you guys are used to and males do different things than you probably are used to. Can we just leave it at that?"  
"No." The two hobbits replied in unison.  
"Why are you so red?" Pippin asked upon MC's severe blushing.  
"Because I really don't want to have to explain this to you guys, okay? Now, can we start working on a plan to get back to Hobbiton?"  
Merry and Pippin begrudgingly complied.  
  
Sam's eyes widened when he saw TC and her beloved pet walking down the path. He didn't recognize the girl with her, but he could only assume she was troulbe, especcially since she was human.  
"Rosie you should go inside. You don't want to meet these two." Sam said to his wife, who was standing next to him.  
"You know them?" Rosie asked, suspicious of the human.  
"Well, one of them. The hobbit. She went with us on our quest with Mr. Frodo. That's the one thing I resent about him, he's the one who invited her and her other friend along. I have no idea who the human is, but you really don't want to know this hobbit."  
"Oh..." Rosie looked somewhat surprised that Sam actually seemed to hate someone, but trusted his word and went into their hobbithole.  
"You again." Sam greeted coldly as TC and Rhia reached his fence. "And you have a new friend. How nice. What havoc are you two wreaking today?"  
"None..." TC replied, and would have continued were it not for Sam cutting her off.  
"Where's MC?"  
"Earth."  
"What?"  
"We went back to earth. Regular earth, not Middle Earth, just earth, after Frodo left we came back and our hobbit hold was MC's house so we went back there and couldn't get back here so we got our friend Rhia to help then me and her came back here but MC, Merry, and Pippin are stuck back in regular earth so will you help us get them back?"  
Sam stared for a moment, then blinked, then spoke his reply. "Even if I knew what you were talking about, I wouldn't help you." Same started to turn back to his hole, but TC stopped him.  
"Do you have a map, then?" she asked.  
"Why?"  
"We'll get help from Aragorn, since you won't, but I can't find Rohan without a map."  
"He lives in Gondor, TC." Rhia whispered."  
"I can't find Gondor without a map." TC corrected.  
"I don't think you could find it WITH a map, and even if you could, what makes you think Aragorn would help you?"  
"We'll tell him we'll leave him alone if he does."  
"Whatever you say." Sam went into his hobbit hole and shut the door behind him. TC and Rhia waited for several minutes, then Rhia said she didn't think he was going to give them a map, and TC agreed.  
"I'm sure I could find it, I mean, I have been there before..." TC stated.  
"Are you sure?" Rhia asked doubtfully.  
"Of course!" TC said confidently.  
"Okay then, let's go."  
"Alrighty."  
"You have to lead though."  
"Right..."TC laughed nervously and started walking Sammy down the path.  
"About how long will it take us to get there?"  
"Long time."  
"Are we stopping anywhere?"  
"Bree."  
"Okay. How far until that?"  
"Are you going to do this the whole time? I'll knock you off that pony and leave you there if you are."  
"Fine." Rhia sighed. "I feel ridiculous on this pony. My feet are dragging on the ground!"  
"We'll trade it in for a horse once we reach Bree."  
"No you won't." Sam yelled. The two girls turned around and saw Sam riding towards them on his pony. "You won't trade Merry's pony without tellin' him."  
"Then we'll trade yours, what gives?"  
"What?"  
"Why are you following us?"  
"Rosie made me." Sam said sheepishly, causing both girls to laugh loudly.  
"Oh! You know how to get to Gondor?" TC asked, causing Rhia to raise an eyebrow.  
"No, and I don't have a map either." Sam replied.  
"Crap..."  
"It shouldn't matter though, right, because you know how to get there, don't you TC?" Rhia prodded.  
"Yeah..." TC said, not so confidently.  
"So we're screwed." Rhia pessimized.  
"Pretty much." Sam agreed.  
"Thanks guys." TC muttered sarcastically.  
  
"It's amazing how much nicer these woods seem when you don't have a nazgul on your trail." Sam observed as they walked down the very path where he and the others first met TC and MC. "or hearing hobbits yell obscene things at each other."  
TC and Rhia completely ignored Sam. They didn't even hear a word he said. TC was giving Rhia a more detailed description of what happened on the quest. She made sure to include every one of Sam's offences, and may have exaggerated a couple. Of course they were far enough away from Sam that he couldn't hear them if they whispered, so he couldn't figure out why Rhia kept sending him dirty or shocked looks. After a while they reached the Buckleberry Ferry.  
"I don't think the ponies can get on that without sinking it." Sam said.  
"Sure they could." TC stated loudly and sarcastically. "Well, me and Sammy are swimming across."  
"You're going to swim?" Rhia inquired, raising an eyebrow.  
"Well, Sammy's going to swim while I ride him." TC replied somewhat sheepishly as she rode Sammy into the river.  
"Honestly, could you have picked a different name for that beast?" Sam asked in annoyance.  
"Yeah, and I did, but I had to change it. Aragorn didn't want a warg running around with his name."  
"Neither do I!"  
"When you're king of a country, I might consider changing it." TC yelled back.  
"I'm the mayor of Hobbiton!"  
"We're not in Hobbiton right now though, you have no power. Are you guys going to cross this river or what?" TC had already reached the other side.  
  
"Alright, how can we get in my house without my mom noticing?" MC muttered to herself.  
"I don't know." Pippin replied.  
Merry smacked his friend. "I don't think she was addressing us, Pippin!"  
"Well that's silly! No one else is here, who else would she be talking to?"  
"I was talking to myself." MC informed them, bringing a surprised look to Merry and Pippin's paces, as they;d thought that MC couldn't hear them. The only flaw in that plan was that MC was all of two feet away and no matter how quietly they spoke, she was going to hear them.  
"Well, what's your answer?" Pippin asked, earning another smack from Merry.  
"If she knew the answer, she wouldn't have asked the question!"  
"But she was asking herself! Every question is asked for the purpose of the answer, so why would she ask herself if she didn't know?" Pippin refuted, while MC stared in disbelief at the idiocy of the hobbit.  
"Guys, can you stop bickering and help me out?"  
"Well fine!" Pippin replied as if she'd had no reason to snap at them.  
"So, how do we get in without my mom noticing?" MC asked again. Merry and Pippin were silent. "I was addressing the question to you guys this time."  
"Oh. Well, in that case...we still don't know." Merry answered.  
  
"You can't stay at the Prancing Pony!" Butterbur yelled in their face.  
"Why not? We haven't done anything wrong!" TC cried, causing Sam, Rhia, and Butterbur to stare at her in disbelief.  
"You wanted to roast me!" the innkeeper yelled.  
"Okay, well...those two haven't done anything." TC replied quietly.  
"Right, so we should stay here while you stay somewhere else." Sam said, smiling.  
"There's nowhere else to stay!"  
"So you can stay in the stables with that beast of yours."  
"That creature is not staying in my stables!" Butterbur interjected.  
"Ha, guess you get to sleep outside in the rain." Sam taunted.  
"It had to start raining." TC muttered.  
"Wet warg can't smell very good. Probably worse than wet dog." Rhia pointed out oh-so-helpfully.  
"Thanks Rhia." TC said sarcastically. "Now I have something to look forward to.  
"Have fun." Sam said joyously, waving TC off. She smirked in reply, then headed our the door muttering obscenities and otherwise random comments that were unintelligible anyways. 


	34. Merry

"Alright, here's the plan," MC whispered, "we'll go in through the garage _very quietly_. Then we'll tiptoe _very quietly_ into my room. I have a book where something like this happened, and I want to see what they did. Just follow me." MC led while the other two hobbits tailed her. They went through the garage—luckily for them, the door into the garage was open---then they went into the house. MC crawled across the kitchen floor, Merry and Pippin crawling behind her. They crawled down the hall, up the stairs, down another hall, and into MC's room. "And to think, I was mad at my brother for oiling the hinges." MC mused.

"Why?" Pippin asked.

"Because I wanted to be able to hear the monsters if they came into my room while I was sleeping! Now I'm glad because the monster can't hear me." MC instructed the other two hobbits to sit in her room quietly while she looked for the book, preparing herself to be ignored.

"My boxers are kind of itchy..." Merry informed the other two.

"Then why don't you just take them off!" MC snapped sarcastically, very irritated and not wanting to talk. Unfortunately, Merry didn't realize she wasn't serious. Thus, he took his pants, and then his boxers. Pippin decided his boxers were itchy too, and followed suit of his friend.

Pippin became distracted before redressing himself. "MC what's this?" Pippin asked, holding up a book he'd found.

"What's what?" MC asked shortly.

Pippin read the title. "The Lord Of The Rings by JRR Tolkien. Hey! That man stole Frodo's story! Who is this JRR Tolkien person anyways?" Pippin began skimming the book.

"He created you guys." MC answered, fortunately ignored.

"I don't see anything about you or TC in here."

"We weren't supposed to be on the quest. That's what it would be like without us."

"Wow. It's a lot calmer and pleasanter without you two." Pippin observed, to be tackled by MC in fury. Merry panicked and tackled MC for two purposes: to save Pippin from the inevitable beating, and to direct her attention off Pippin and back onto Merry, where it belonged.

Naturally, everybody was screaming, for their own purposes. MC's mom heard. Within moments the door was kicked in and MC's mom was standing there.

The three hobbits froze and stared at her like deer in headlights. Upon seeing her 'innocent' daughter sandwiched between two males, both with no pants on, Mrs. Carton lost any sanity that was left from the previous excursions. She grabbed all three hobbits as they were, _ran_ downstairs with them, opened the door, tossed them out, then slammed the door shut. She didn't even notice all the hobbits pointing and staring at the 'big person.'

TC, Rhia, and Sam continued to ride East-Northeast out of Bree. They decided to head for Rivendell. TC led the way, while Sam and Rhia rode behind her. TC was wrapped in a cloak she'd begged off a man in Bree, as she'd developed a cold from the rainy night. She glared straight ahead, coughing every few minutes (making it much more dramatic than she needed to), refusing to talk to Sam and Rhia, who really couldn't care less.

Rhia was sitting happily on her new horse. Sam wouldn't part with Bill, so they ended up trading in Merry's pony. Sam and Rhia tried to trade Sammy, but TC wouldn't let them, and no one really wanted Sammy anyways.

Sam rather enjoyed Rhia's company. He found that she was much more grounded and sane than TC or MC was.

The two noticed that TC's pace was rather fast, and they were having trouble keeping up.

"Hey TC, could you slow down a bit?" Sam called as politely as he could. The effort was in vain as TC's only reply was a very rude (though to Sam, very random) hand gesture. "What's that mean?" he asked Rhia.

"It means she probably won't be slowing down." Rhia told him, then spotted a large stony structure. "Oh, is that Weathertop?"

"Yes it is. Dare I ask TC if we can stop here?"

"Um...let's just let TC decide where we stop." Rhia suggested. Sam agreed that that might be a good idea.

"At least we're back in Hobbiton," MC said, trying to find the bright side of the moment. "but you guys seriously need pants..."

"We'll go to Sam's house!" Merry revelated in joy, louder than needed.

"Maybe he'll know where TC and Rhia are."

The three walked over to Sam's hole, and knocked on the door. Rosie answered and immediately looked away.

"Can we have some pants.?" Pippin asked blatantly.

"Please, help yourself!" Rosie said, stepping aside to let Merry and Pippin in, still shielding her eyes. Merry and Pippin ran inside the house and searched for pants. Rosie looked at MC.

"Where's Sam?" MC asked.

"I sent him off with another hobbit and a human."

"Where'd they go?"

"Gondor."

"Why would they go there?" MC cried. "They couldn't just wait a couple minutes for us to get here, could they?"

"They left last night..."

"What?

"They left yesterday."

"How can that be? We just saw them a couple minutes ago!"

Rosie shrugged. Merry and Pippin appeared fully dressed.

"Come on guys, we're going to Gondor." MC told them, then she asked Rosie: "You wouldn't happen to have a map, would you?"

"If I had a map, I would have sent it with Sam and the other two. But I don't have a map at all."

"You let them go without a map?!"

"Yes, the hobbit said she knew the way."

"Oh no...Okay guys...lets go get the ponies ready."

The three walked over to where MC's house/hobbit hole was. Pippin's was the only pony standing there.

"You two go find two other ponies, I'll get a map from Frodo's house, since he obviously won't be using them anymore." MC then went over to Frodo's hobbit hole, which was, coincidentally, two holes down. She let herself in, and immediately discovered this would be a more difficult task than previously anticipated. It seemed the most logical and respected hobbit of the six who went on the quest had no system of organization. MC quickly began searching for the maps, literally throwing the place into disarray. Finally she found what she was searching for. She left the hobbit hole and headed back to where Merry and Pippin were.

"Why are there only two ponies?" MC asked.

"We can't find mine. I guess I have to ride with you on Rocket." Merry answered.

"Likely story." MC muttered, then mounted the pony, Merry mounting behind her. "Well, let's go to Bree."

"TC we haven't stopped for like, three days, can we please rest, for the ponies' sakes?" Rhia yelled. TC yelled back in a somewhat displeased tone 'politely' informing Rhia that they were not stopping until Rivendell.

"At least the scenery's nice." Sam commented, fully appreciating the surrounding vegetation. They were surrounded by woods, as they were in a forest. The three were content to ride in silence for a few moments.

Suddenly, a black blur of feathers came falling down from a treetop, landing perched on Sammy's head. It turned out to be a rooster. Other than being thrown off by it's less-than-graceful entrance, the three hadn't previously realized that roosters could fly, and so were confused at that. They all halted, Sam and Rhia pulled up on either side of TC. They became even more intrigued when they noticed the feathers growing out of its legs.

"TC, what are you doing?" Rhia asked, as though this were TC's doings.

"I'm wondering why this chicken seems intent upon staring at me." TC replied,

eyeing the fowl, which had not blinked since locking its eyes on TC. The hobbit slowly reached her arms around, grabbed the rooster, then threw it into the woods. "So...uh, let's go." TC and Sammy walked off, very quickly, Sam and Rhia's ponies keeping stride.

It wasn't long before they heard clucking behind them. They all turned their heads and saw the rooster running towards them, with it's undivided attention on TC.

"Holy crap!" the object of it's affection screamed, kicking her mount into a full gallop. Sam and Rhia followed suit.

"What did you do?" Sam cried, as if accusing TC of causing this.

"I don't know! I didn't do anything!" TC replied in elevated volume. She looked behind them and saw the chicken turn and run off the path, into the woods. The three decided to keep a brisk trot goring, just to be safe.

After a while, with no signs of the rooster, they slowed to a walk. Shortly after, they came to the clearing with Bilbo's trolls.

"Uh...how about we stop and rest here for the night." TC suggested, as it was getting dark and she would never admit she was afraid of the dark. She also had a fear of traveling through the woods at night, especially with a psycho-fowl on her tail.

"Finally." Sam muttered. "I didn't realize poor Bill could go three days without stopping."

"Someone start a fire." TC ordered, taking a seat at the base of one of the trolls. Rhia didn't quite like the way TC was suddenly bossy.

"Why don't you start the fire yourself?" Rhia asked.

"Dude...I can't work a microwave without blowing something up, do you really want me creating an open flame?"

"Fine." Rhia gathered a lot of sticks into a pile and stared blankly, unsure of how to proceed. "Uh..."

"Here, I'll do it." Sam said, and made Rhia watch so she knew how to do it. She didn't get it right off, so they were preoccupied for a while. TC sat, watching in amusement, until she heard a twig snap in the forest. Her head shot over to look in the direction of the noise, and she saw that friggin Polish Rooster. He was peering out at her from behind a tree. When TC looked over, he ran off.

TC had to investigate. She walked over to where the rooster had been, and searched the vicinity for about ten minutes. When she didn't find what she was looking for, she gave up and went back to the clearing. Sam was _still_ trying to teach Rhia how to make a fire.

"Anyone feel like roast chicken tonight?" TC inquired.

"Where would we find the chicken?" Sam asked.

"Remember my little friend? He's somewhere around here." TC told him, taking her seat by the troll.

"Did you really walk right into a fire on the quest?" Rhia asked, making her own attempt at fire-creating.

"Yes..." TC muttered sheepishly.

"Well that was dumb."

"I was sleepwalking, alright! Maybe if someone—"TC paused to glare at Sam, then continued, "had woken me up, it wouldn't have happened."

"Well, I just think it's kind of funny, of all the directions you could have walked, you picked the fire."

"It wasn't a conscious decision! Besides it was either that or off the ledge."

Sam and Rhia gave TC a confused look. Hadn't she just said it was an unconscious decision? If that were true, how could she have chosen between the fire and the ledge?

The two didn't have long to ponder this thought as a repeat of earlier that day commenced. A mass of black feathers came 'flying' down from the top of the troll, right into TC's lap. It stared unblinking at her.

"I guess I have a new pet now." TC said.

"What's his name?" Sam asked, not sure he really wanted to hear the answer.

"Merry."

**A/N: Alrighty, I have realized certain time elements may not match up...such as TC, Sam, and Rhia getting from Hobbiton to Bree to Weathertop in roughly 24 hours. So here's what's happening: TC, Rhia, and Sam's events are not being written in proportion to the time that Merry, Pippin, and MC's events are happening. Such as, by the time TC's group is to Rivendell, MC's group would have reached Bree by then. When this happens it usually means ive run out of ideas for one of the groups, but the time issue will catch up, as I will be forced to some way or another due to the plot, before everyone reaches their destinations. **

**And no, revelated is not a word, it's another word I made up from another word, just like pessimized. So here's my def. Revelated (adj): to vocalize a personal revelation **

**PS- No, the chicken is not random. True, it serves no purpose to the story...but it isn't random. Not to me, anyways.**

**Oh...I haven't forgotten abou t MC, Merry, and Pippin...I just don't have any ideas for them at the current moment...they will be more in the next chap, don't worry!**


	35. Merry Loses His Head

_Last updated: 9-28-2004_

_wow…sorry its been so long. I was busy with school and horses and such and my muses were not helping me out whatsoever. This is the last chapter that I will write by myself (if you want to say ive been writing this by myself, as I have had quite a bit of help from one of my friends). After this chapter I will be receiving a lot of help from two of my friends because my ideas are just running out as is my sense of humor, so two of my friends will be cowriting alone with me. Hopefully that'll speed along the process a little. I hope you like this chapter!_

MC, Merry, and Pippin mounted their ponies. MC was still stuck riding with Merry's pony. Even though he wasn't displaying his extreme stalking tendencies, for the moment, MC didn't want to encourage any behaviour of that nature. She'd tried to pay Pippin to allow her to ride with him, or for Pippin to ride with Merry, but he was too entertained by her agony.

The trio set off in the direction of Rivendell, figuring that's probably where the others had went, since they knew the way there. About half an hour into the ride, MC wanted to strangle Merry. He would not shut up.

"Do you talk simply for the sake of talking, or do you actually think we care to know if this is the spot you decided to stalk me?" MC screamed, huffing at the end of the sentence. Merry stared at her, wide eyed.

"I thought you'd care. It was a milestone in our lives," Merry said, blinking.

"Do you think I really want to remember that?" MC shrieked.

"Yes," Merry answered, not realizing what exactly was going on.

"Men are impossible!" MC shoved Merry off the pony and galloped off into the woods. A couple of moments later they heard a horrible roar and MC galloped back out of the woods waving her arms wildly, screaming. Merry and Pippin cocked their heads in confusion, then heard another roar and saw trees moving and heard some crashing. They then saw one of the ringwraith's flying beasts fly up out of the trees (there was no wraith, of course). Merry jumped onto Pippin's pony as they took off in the other direction, MC was not far behind. The dragon screamed and flew after them. It swooped down and landed, then stared at its prey. MC's mount tripped and flipped over. MC landed face down, she got up and faced the creature.

"It's so cute!" she squealed. She walked up to the creature and pet it on the nose. She walked around and disappeared under the beast for a few moments, then emerged. Merry and Pippin were riding tentatively over to her. MC declared: "I'm naming her Aragorn!"

TC stalked out of the forest and into the clearing. Sam and Rhia stared at her.

"Where's Merry?" Rhia asked, thinking TC may have taken him into the woods and slaughtered him.

"What?" TC asked, grinning as though she didn't know what Rhia was talking about. TC's companions stared at her nervously, not sure what to expect. TC hopped onto Sammy. "Come on! We've got to get going!" TC and Sammy trotted off, amazingly in the right direction. Sam and Rhia quickly saddled and bridled their mounts, then got on and hurried to catch up to TC.

For the rest of the way through the woods, Sam and Rhia looked around nervously for any reason why TC may have acted the way she did. They expected to see the rooster in a noose hanging from a tree somewhere, but they didn't.

The trio exited the woods, and saw open land for miles. TC halted Sammy and sat there, not saying anything. Sam and Rhia looked around nervously.

Finally, Sam spoke. "TC, what is going on?"

"What do you mean?" TC asked.

"You've been acting very strange this morning. What did you do?"

"I took Merry for a walk," TC stated.

"But he didn't come back," Rhia pointed out.

"Way to go Captain Obvious."

"Nice. Why didn't he come back?"

"You'll see."

"So we're just going to chill out here until he returns?"

"Why not?" TC asked. A couple minutes later a horrible squawking was heard. A very familiar black mass of feathers flew down and landed on Sam.

"What the…Merry!" Sam smacked the chicken off his head. The rooster got back up and flew back at Sam. The hobbit drew his sword. Rhia and TC stared curiously, wondering how this would turn out. TC knew one of them would be eliminated, and she didn't like either, so it was a win-win situation for her.

As Merry flew at Sam, the hobbit thrust his sword, separating the chicken's head from his body.

"I can't believe you killed Merry!" TC screamed, dismounting Sammy and throwing a rock at Sam. Of course TC wasn't really mad, but she liked screwing with Sam. She didn't really care whether or not the chicken was dead (though his death was rather gruesome as his body was still running around while his head was on the ground creating a bloody river).

"You hated that chicken! I know you made him attack me! What did you want to happen?"

"The opposite of what did!" TC screeched. Sam screamed and dismounted Bill. He ran over and tackled TC. The two began wrestling furiously. Rhia watched in amusement. It was amazing how someone like Sam, who was normally such a nice guy, could become that mean so quickly. TC seemed to bring that out in people.

Sam punched TC in the face, giving her a bloody nose. She sneezed on him (quite intentionally), spraying him with blood. She pulled his hair, which didn't have the effect she'd hoped for, as he seemed unphased by the action. She kicked him in the groin, and that was that.

As Sam was rolling on the ground in pain, clutching himself, TC quickly mounted Sammy and ran off. Rhia had to get off her horse (which she'd named Ponder) and she put Sam back on Bill. They galloped to catch up with TC, Sam had to stand in the saddle to keep from passing out in pain.

"She will die one day, by my hand if no one does it first," Sam muttered, but Rhia could only hear a squeaking sound as he said it.

"You can't seriously be keeping that!" Pippin exclaimed, staring in disbelief at the dragon.

"Of course I am. We can't just leave her here on her own to fend for herself! The poor thing would never make it," MC told him. Pippin and Merry looked at her doubtfully. They were quite sure that…Aragorn could fend for herself. "Plus," MC continued, "I don't have to ride with Merry anymore."

Merry kicked his pony's hoof. "My pony's lame, I can't ride him."

"That's great, Merry. Why don't you lead him? You could use the exercise."

"What?"

"You're kind of letting yourself go, if you walk you can work off all those extra hobbit meals."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry," Merry apologized, quite sincerely.

"That's amazing," MC said to Pippin. "Where I come from, if one person called another person fat, they'd have to apologize for insulting them, not the other way around!"

Pippin stared at Merry, trying to figure out why MC thought he was fat. It didn't occur to him that MC was being MC and simply messing with Merry's mind.

"He's not fat," Pippin finally pointed out.

"Merry can not ride Aragorn!" MC declared, as if that explained it. She forgot about the hobbits' stupidity.

"That's random," Pippin told her.

MC dropped her face into her hands. "Unbelievable," she muttered. "Let's just get to Rivendell, okay?"

"Fine, how far is it?" Pippin asked.

"I think a couple of days. We passed Weathertop a while ago. If we head into the woods—" MC stopped when she noticed Merry sitting on her beast, facing her. He was sitting right in front of the saddle. Merry had removed his cape and was using it as a polishing cloth to clean the saddle off with. He had chosen a very interesting (and for MC, inconvenient) area to polish. "MERRY! DISMOUNT ARAGORN!" MC yelled.

Merry looked forlorn as he slid off the dragon. He tried to look pitiful by giving MC the pathetic puppy dog eyes, but only succeeded in creeping her out.

"Anyways, as I was saying," MC said, "I think if we go through the woods we'll hit Bilbo's trolls. Let's chill there for the night."

The trio headed into the woods. MC lead the way on Aragorn, Pippin followed on his pony, and Merry brought up the rear leading his pony. Even though they were on the path, MC's dragon was a little big and bent trees as they went.


End file.
